Should You Hug or Shake Hands on a First Date? A Dilemma

Should You Hug or Shake Hands on a First Date?

The first date is always an exciting yet nerve-wracking experience. You've made it past the initial match and have plans to meet in person. Now comes the big question - do you go in for a hug or stick with a handshake when you first see them? This conundrum is a common source of anxiety for many daters. The greeting sets the tone and you want to get it right.

There are arguments on both sides of whether to hug or handshake on a first date. A handshake may seem too formal for a romantic encounter. But a hug could come across as overly familiar or make your date uncomfortable. So which is the right option? Here's a thorough exploration of the pros and cons of both choices.

The Case for a First Date Hug

There are several advantages to giving your date a hug as your initial greeting:

• It breaks the ice. A hug helps diffuse the awkwardness of meeting someone for the first time. The physical contact forms an immediate connection.
• It's warm and welcoming. A hug signals that you are open and happy to see your date. It sets a friendly, intimate tone from the start.
• It's a common greeting. Hugs are a customary way of saying hello and goodbye to people you know. Using a hug helps you skip over the formalities.
• It's a chemistry check. Hugging gives you a chance to get physically close to your date and see if any romantic sparks fly.
• It puts you both at ease. A hug can calm nerves and help relax you both into feeling more comfortable together.

Given these advantages, it's easy to see why many daters opt for a first date hug. It kickstarts the intimacy and connection you want from a romantic encounter. If you're unsure, you can always open your arms and let your date decide if they want to accept the hug or not.

Potential Drawbacks of a First Date Hug

However, there are a few reasons why you may want to reconsider hugging upon first meeting:

• It may be too much, too soon. A hug on a first date may come across as overly forward or aggressive if there's no established rapport yet.
• It could be unwanted. Your date may feel obligated to hug back even if they don't really want physical contact yet.
• Mixed signals. A hug could imply the date is going well when you or your date haven't decided that yet.
• It crosses boundaries. Some people prefer to keep greetings casual with new acquaintances and save hugs for people they know better.
• It could be awkward. If the hug feels forced or stiff, it may leave you both feeling self-conscious.

While most daters won't mind a hug, there's a chance it could backfire if your date is shy or reserved. Gauge cues from their body language and conversation to determine if a hug seems appropriate or unwanted.

Why a Handshake Could Be Better for a First Date Greeting

Because of the potential drawbacks of a first date hug, many daters stick with a handshake instead. Here's why it may be the safer choice:

• It's universally appropriate. A handshake is a customary greeting in all settings, including with strangers.
• It's respectful. A handshake signals you are pleased to meet someone without imposing on their personal space.
• It's professional. Though a date is social, a handshake establishes you are both adults taking this seriously.
• It leaves room for escalation. Unlike a hug, a handshake leaves room for more physical closeness as the date goes well.
• It avoids misunderstandings. With a handshake, there's no confusion about either person expecting more upfront.

If you are meeting your date in a public place like a restaurant or coffee shop, a handshake avoids any public displays of affection right off the bat. It keeps your greeting cordial until you have had a chance to gauge your chemistry in person.

Potential Pitfalls of a Handshake Greeting

Despite its advantages, there are a few cautions to keep in mind with a handshake on a first date:

• It may feel too formal. Handshakes are often used in professional rather than personal settings.
• It lacks intimacy. Hands off greetings do little to break the ice or make you both feel comfortable.
• It could be awkward if rejected. Your date may pull their hand away if they expected a hug.
• It could send the wrong signal. Your date may wonder if you lack interest since you didn't go for a hug.
• It stops escalation. With no physical contact upfront, it could take longer to establish attraction.

Pay attention to your date's body language - if they lean in expecting a hug but you extend your hand, it could get your encounter off on the wrong foot. Make your handshake warm and friendly to offset the formality.

Navigating the First Date Greeting

As you can see, both hugs and handshakes come with their own sets of advantages and drawbacks on a first date. So which one is the best protocol? Here are some tips for smoothly navigating your greeting:

Read your date's signals

Look for subtle clues to determine if your date seems open to physical contact or more reserved. Are they smiling and standing close? Then a hug may be welcomed. Do they have formal body language with distance between you? A handshake is probably safer.

Follow their lead

If your date initiates a hug, reciprocate without hesitation. If they put their hand out first for a shake, do the same back. Let them take the lead so you know what greeting they prefer.

Ask permission

If you can't read their signals, there's nothing wrong with asking, "Do you mind if I hug you?" or saying "I'd love to give you a hug, if that's okay with you." This gives them a no-pressure opportunity to consent or decline.

Respect a no

If your date declines a hug, don't take offense. Say something like "No problem at all" or "Maybe next time" to smooth over the interaction without making it uncomfortable for them.

Keep it brief

Whether you shake hands or hug, keep it brief (a few seconds at most). You want to move on to starting your date, not get stuck in an awkward, elongated handshake or hug.

Use it to transition smoothly

After your brief hug or handshake, seamlessly guide your date to your table or towards your planned activity. This prevents you from getting stuck making small talk before your date officially begins.

Setting Yourself Up for Success

While your greeting sets the tone, there are a few other things you can do to get your first date off to a great start:

• Make eye contact and smile as they approach.
• Give a warm, enthusiastic greeting like "It's so nice to meet you!"
• Offer a sincere compliment about their appearance or something else appropriate.
• Use their name early on so you both remember it.
• Have some natural opening questions ready to break the ice.
• Radiate positivity and confidence from the moment you meet.

With the right mindset, some planning and consideration of your date's preferences, you can handle the first date greeting smoothly. A little greeting anxiety is normal, but don't let it derail you. Stay focused on making a great first impression and setting the stage for an enjoyable encounter.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is a first date hug too forward?

A first date hug is not necessarily too forward, but read your date's body language first. If they seem open to physical contact, a brief hug is fine. If they are standing back, a handshake is safer. When in doubt, ask before going for a hug.

Do most women expect a first date hug?

There are no hard rules, as every woman has her own comfort level. Some may welcome a hug, while others prefer to shake hands or refrain from any physical contact on a first meeting. Don't assume a hug is automatically expected - feel out the situation first.

Is a first date handshake lame?

Not at all! While less intimate than a hug, a solid, friendly handshake sets a polite, professional tone. If you prefer to start with a handshake, just be sure to infuse it with warmth and avoid coming across overly stiff or distant.

Should you reject a first date hug?

If you are not comfortable with a hug, it's perfectly fine to politely decline by saying something like "Sorry, I don't usually hug people I'm just meeting" or "Maybe next time! Let's start with a handshake." Don't force physical contact you don't want.

What's the appropriate hug duration for a first date?

Aim for no more than 2-3 seconds of contact for a first date hug. Quick but warm is ideal. An overly long hug risks being awkward or seeming too intimate before you know someone well. Keep it brief but not rushed.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new treatment regimen.