I Don't Feel Heard: How to Get Your Partner to Truly Listen

Feeling Unheard By Your Partner?

Feeling truly heard and understood is a fundamental human need. When you don't feel heard by your romantic partner, it can deeply impact your relationship and overall happiness.

Why Feeling Heard Matters

Feeling heard makes you feel valued and respected. It creates deeper intimacy and trust between partners. When your thoughts, feelings, and experiences feel validated by your significant other, you feel safe opening up.

On the other hand, not feeling heard can lead to a range of issues:

• Built up resentment
• Poor communication
• Increase in arguments
• Emotional distance
• Eventual breakdown of the relationship

Common Reasons Your Partner May Not Be Hearing You

There are many explanations for why you may not feel your partner is listening:

They Lack Active Listening Skills

Active listening requires focus, patience, and being fully present. If your partner lacks these qualities, they may often seem distracted, impatient, or disengaged.

Your Partner Has Unresolved Personal Issues

Unhealed trauma, mental health struggles, or insecurities can prevent someone from deeply connecting. Their attention goes inward rather than outward toward you.

Fear of Intimacy

Some people subconsciously fear true intimacy. Being vulnerable and hearing you at a core level may scare them, so they put up walls.

Different Communication Styles

Everyone communicates differently. You may be more extraverted in expressing yourself while your partner is introverted. Mismatched styles can hamper understanding.

How To Get Your Partner To Hear You

If you feel your partner isn't hearing you, there are constructive ways to address this:

Explain How It Makes You Feel

Use "I feel..." statements to explain the emotions arising when you don't feel heard. Name specific times they were distracted or disinterested and how that made you feel.

Ask Questions

Inquire about potential root causes like past trauma, mental health, or communication style differences getting in the way. Create a safe space for them to open up.

Practice Active Listening Yourself

Model the active listening you desire from your partner. Make eye contact, reflect their words in your own, clarify details, and give them your full attention.

Suggest a Serious Talk

Schedule a thoughtful discussion focused solely on this issue without distractions. Make sure you both feel open and ready to dive deep into feelings and problem-solve together.

Tips To Feel Heard In Your Relationship

Implementing these proactive tips will help your partner become a better listener so you feel truly heard:

Establish Mutual Understanding

Clearly establish you both want to feel heard, understood, and work toward deeper intimacy. This mutual desire forms a foundation.

Practice Reflective Listening

Reflect back what you heard your partner say in your own words to ensure you fully understand all nuances of their meaning.

Ask Clarifying Questions

Dont make assumptions. Ask thoughtful questions to clarify anything you dont fully grasp. This shows your interest in truly understanding.

Make Eye Contact

Consistent eye contact demonstrates your engaged attention and focus. It also lets you gauge emotions through their facial expressions and eye movements.

Check Your Own Responses

Notice any defensiveness or judgements that arise as your partner speaks. Set those reactions aside to purely listen without rebuttal thoughts.

When To Seek Couples Counseling

If both partners try implementing these constructive communication strategies but one still doesn't feel heard, seeking outside help may be beneficial. A licensed marriage counselor helps facilitate:

• Processing unresolved trauma
• Managing mental health issues
• Resolving conflict
• Establishing intimacy and trust
• Aligning different communication styles

With expert guidance, you can get to the root of why you don't feel your partner hears you and learn techniques to deepen communication and closeness.

Don't Ignore This Issue

Feeling unheard builds resentment and erodes intimacy over time. As difficult as it may be, have an open and honest dialogue with your partner about this gap. Implement active listening strategies in your interactions. If you still don't feel understood, seek counseling.

With consistent effort from both people, you can feel genuinely listened to, understood, and valued by your partner. This reconnects you at a heart level, strengthening the bond you share.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new treatment regimen.