Is Your Relationship Toxic? 7 Warning Signs to Identify

Understanding Toxic Relationships and Knowing When to Walk Away

Relationships can be complicated. What starts out as a happy union between two people can sometimes turn sour over time. Knowing when a relationship turns toxic is an important life skill that can help you avoid years of unhappiness. This article will explore some of the red flags that may indicate your relationship is toxic, as well as provide guidance on when it may be time to walk away.

The Importance of Personal Growth in Relationships

They say some variation of the phrase "please grow and change as a person meme" as a sort of reminder that even when in a relationship, it's important not to lose sight of your own personal journey. Relationships sometimes have a way of stunting that growth if the focus becomes too narrow or one-sided.

It's understandable that when you deeply care about someone, you want to spend much of your time and energy on that person and the relationship. However, it's vital that you continue to nurture your own interests, friendships, values and dreams. This will not only help the relationship stay healthy, but will also enable you to evolve into the best version of yourself.

Signs Your Relationship Has Turned Unhealthy or Toxic

Unfortunately, sometimes a once healthy relationship can gradually turn toxic over time. Or sometimes underlying dysfunction is hiding just below the surface during the honeymoon phase. Here are some common red flags that may indicate your relationship is unhealthy or toxic:

• Your partner routinely puts you down, insults you or harshly criticizes you
• You feel like you're constantly walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting your partner
• Your partner exerts unusual control or demands over where you go, who you see, how you spend your money, etc.
• You are discouraged or prohibited from spending time with friends and family
• Your partner ragefully loses their temper, destroys property, makes threats, or physically hurts you
• Your partner gaslights you - denies or lies about things they've done or said to make you feel crazy
• Your partner isolates you from outside support and controls all the finances
• You feel afraid, intimidated, insecure or nervous around your partner a majority of the time

Know the Signs of Abuse

A toxic relationship can sometimes cross the line into being emotionally, verbally or physically abusive. This generally happens gradually over time or intensifies slowly in phases. However, sometimes abuse can begin suddenly as well.

Here are some examples of unhealthy behaviors that should be considered abusive:

• Name-calling, insulting or making intentionally humiliating comments
• Refusing to communicate or give the "silent treatment" as punishment
• Monitoring your phone, email, texts, internet history or mileage without permission
• Threatening to take the children away or threatening pets/family members
• Driving recklessly to frighten when angry or intentionally damaging property
• Forcing unwanted sexual contact or limiting birth control choices
• Preventing you from working, controlling all the income, or hiding financial information
• Intimidating, impedinging freedom or creating unreasonable demands
• Making false allegations about you to authorities or recruiting others to "gang up on you"

If you notice more than one of these behaviors in your relationship, it's very likely you're experiencing some form of domestic abuse.

When Is It Time to Leave an Unhealthy Relationship?

Deciding if or when to leave an unhealthy, toxic or abusive relationship can be an extremely tough decision. Here are some key signs that may indicate it's time to walk away:

• You no longer recognize yourself - your interests, goals, opinions and even personality have changed to accommodate your partner's desires
• You feel lonely, depressed, confused or anxious more often than not when with your partner or when thinking about the relationship
• Your physical health is frequently suffering - headaches, stomach issues, lethargy, etc.
• Friends or family members have expressed sincere concern about your safety or well-being
• You stay solely because you feel guilty, obligated or afraid your partner can't function without you
• The bad times far outweigh the good times; the relationship feels like constant work or struggle
• You fantasize about getting away or removing yourself from the situation
• You've noticed a pattern of extreme highs and lows in your partner's moods or behaviors
• You don't trust your partner and second guess everything they say or do
• Your instincts are persistently telling you something is wrong in the relationship

Safely Planning Your Exit Strategy

If you determine it's time to leave an unhealthy or abusive relationship, try to carefully plan your exit strategy. This is for both emotional reasons and your personal safety. Here are some tips:

• Discreetly open your own credit card and personal bank account if possible
• Try to have important paperwork, documents, records, sentimental items and a spare set of keys/wallet/phone hidden or stored somewhere secure outside the home
• Pack an emergency "go bag" with essentials like clothes, toiletries, medications, chargers, identity documents, cash, etc. and store it somewhere not obvious in the home or outside the home entirely
• If there has been prior violence, inform trusted friends/family of your plan to leave and consider asking someone to be nearby or check in at scheduled times when you finally exit
• Have the number for a domestic violence hotline handy as well as numbers for local shelters, motels, police departments and transportation companies
• Delete browsing history and log out of apps on devices if worried about them being tracked and try to take your personal electronics if possible
• Have an explanation for why you're leaving ready but avoid confrontation face-to-face if possible - leave when your partner is away if able

How to Heal After Leaving a Toxic Relationship

The aftermath of leaving an unhealthy or abusive relationship can be very difficult emotionally. Here is some guidance on healing:

• Allow yourself to fully process complex feelings like grief over good aspects, regret over staying, anger at poor treatment, shame over stigma, etc.
• Talk to supportive friends/family who validate your feelings and remind you the relationship issues were not your fault
• Consider engaging in talk therapy if you experienced manipulation/gaslighting that may have skewed your self-perception - a professional can help restore self-confidence and set healthier boundaries
• Make conscious choices to avoid picking partners with qualities your abusive ex had - break the cycle
• Explore any codependent tendencies you may have so you don't fall into caretaker roles in future relationships
• Spend quality time reconnecting with your individual interests, passions and aspirations that may have gotten pushed aside during the relationship
• Consider joining a support group to share your story and listen to the stories of other survivors

The most vital aspect of healing after leaving an unhealthy relationship is reaffirming your sense of self-worth. Remind yourself regularly through positive self-talk that you deserve to be treated with dignity, empathy and respect.

In Summary

All relationships go through periods of discord, but consistent toxic or abusive dynamics will inflict long lasting emotional damage if not addressed. Prioritizing your personal growth, keeping self-awareness about red flags and knowing when to walk away for your own well-being leads to the healthiest life journey.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new treatment regimen.