Understanding the Difference Between Self-Care and Self-Soothing

Understanding the Difference Between Self-Care and Self-Soothing

In today's fast-paced world, it's more important than ever to take time for self-care. However, self-care is often confused with self-soothing behaviors. While self-soothing can provide temporary relief from difficult emotions, it does not address underlying issues. True self-care requires a holistic approach that nurtures your physical, emotional, and mental health.

What is Self-Care?

Self-care refers to any activity that we deliberately choose to engage in to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health. It often involves steps to reduce stress and anxiety as well as promote overall well-being. Self-care is proactive, not reactive. The goal is to replenish ourselves before we are drained, not just when we feel overwhelmed.

Self-care can involve activities like:

• Getting adequate sleep
• Eating a balanced, nutritious diet
• Exercising regularly
• Setting aside time for hobbies and interests
• Engaging in relaxation techniques like yoga, meditation, or deep breathing
• Fostering healthy relationships
• Setting boundaries and saying "no" when needed
• Seeking professional help for mental health when warranted

The key is that self-care sustains and nurtures us. It aims to understand our core needs and helps us cultivate long-term coping strategies. Self-care is essential for managing stress, avoiding burnout, and promoting inner peace and general wellness.

What is Self-Soothing?

Self-soothing refers to behaviors we use to provide immediate temporary relief from unpleasant emotions like stress, sadness, or anxiety. Self-soothing behaviors help us calm down and regulate difficult feelings in the moment.

Some common self-soothing behaviors include:

• Overeating comfort foods
• Shopping as a pick-me-up
• Drinking alcohol to unwind
• Smoking cigarettes to relieve anxiety
• Withdrawing from social interaction
• Sleeping excessively to escape problems
• Binge-watching television for hours
• scrolling endlessly on social media

These behaviors provide short-term relief by distracting us or altering our mood chemically. However, they do not address the root causes of emotional distress. In fact, relied upon too heavily, self-soothing mechanisms can be unhealthy and maladaptive.

Key Differences

While self-care and self-soothing both provide coping mechanisms for difficult emotions, there are several key differences:

• Intent: The intent behind self-care is nurturing overall health and wellness. Self-soothing is about immediate relief in the moment.
• Proactive vs. reactive: Self-care is done proactively to prevent burnout and sustain us. Self-soothing is reactive, only done when we feel bad.
• Addresses root causes: Self-care aims to understand core needs and build healthy lifelong strategies. Self-soothing does not get to the source of problems.
• Long-term vs. short-term: The benefits of self-care are sustainable long-term wellness. Self-soothing provides temporary, often unsustainable relief.
• Holistic vs. singular focus: Self-care nourishes the whole self - mind, body, spirit. Self-soothing zones in on just feeling better right now.

Finding Balance

Most of us need some combination of self-care and self-soothing. The key is striking a healthy balance. When we rely too heavily on self-soothing, it can become unhealthy and hold us back from true wellbeing. However, beating yourself up or depriving yourself entirely is not the answer either. Mindful moderation is key.

Here are some tips for finding balance:

• Identify your self-soothing mechanisms. Become aware of when and why you use them.
• Aim to understand the core emotional need being met. What feelings are you trying to numb or escape?
• Give yourself permission for some self-soothing but set limits. For example, unwind with 30 minutes of TV, not three hours.
• Reflect on whether your self-soothing mechanisms are becoming unhealthy addictions. If so, seek help.
• Replace self-soothing with healthy self-care alternatives when possible. For instance, call a friend instead of overeating when lonely.
• Establish a regular self-care routine. Make self-care a daily habit, not just when you feel bad.
• Consider addressing root causes of distress through journaling, therapy, or life changes when needed.

Be compassionate with yourself in the process. Progress takes time, missteps are part of the journey. The goal is increasing self-awareness and slowly building more nourishing self-care habits.

Developing a Self-Care Routine

One of the most effective ways to practice self-care is to establish a routine incorporating various self-care habits. Having a go-to set of activities makes it easier to prioritize yourself amidst the stresses of daily life.

Here are some tips for developing a self-care routine:

Reflect on Your Needs

Start by identifying your unique self-care needs. Consider areas like:

• Physical - Are you getting enough sleep, nutrition and exercise?
• Emotional - Do you need stress relief, self-compassion, or healthier coping mechanisms?
• Mental - Are you intellectually stimulated or burnt out?
• Spiritual - Are you connected to something greater than yourself?
• Social - Do your relationships nurture you?

Choose self-care activities that target your top needs. For example, if you struggle with anxiety, meditation could be helpful. If you lack meaningful connection, join a local club.

Start Small

Begin with realistic, manageable self-care goals - like 10 minutes of stretching after waking up or drinking 64oz of water daily. Trying to do too much at once is unsustainable. Better to steadily build habits over time.

Make It Easy

Eliminate obstacles to make self-care a seamless part of your day. For example, lay out your workout clothes the night before, keep a yoga mat handy by watching TV, or stock healthy snacks to eat on-the-go.

Tie Self-Care to Existing Habits

Link your self-care routine to habits you already do daily - like checking your phone, commuting, or taking a lunch break. For instance, meditate for 10 minutes after your morning coffee or listen to an audiobook on your drive home from work.

Schedule Non-Negotiables

Block out time for self-care just as you would other obligations. Put exercise classes in your calendar, set phone alerts reminding you to take deep breaths, or plan weekly date nights. Treat self-care as a necessity, not a luxury.

Allow Flexibility

Adapt your routine as needed rather than rigidly sticking to a regimen. If youre exhausted, let yourself sleep in. If youre stressed, take a walk break. Listen to your needs in the moment.

Celebrate Progress

Compliment yourself for sticking to your self-care commitments. Even small steps forward create momentum. Be patient and focus on the gains vs. perfection.

By intentionally building self-care habits into your schedule, you transform wellbeing from an aspirational concept into an ingrained lifestyle.

Self-Care Tips for the Mind, Body & Spirit</h

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new treatment regimen.