Understanding Why Your Bipolar Partner May Push You Away
Having a romantic partner with bipolar disorder can be challenging. During periods of mania or depression, your partner's behavior may change in ways that feel confusing or hurtful. One common behavior is when a bipolar partner pushes their loved one away.
Reasons a Bipolar Partner May Push You Away
There are a few key reasons why those with bipolar disorder may try to create distance from their partners:
- Their mood states impact how they perceive the relationship
- They feel ashamed or undeserving of love during depressive episodes
- They crave novelty and stimulation during manic phases
- They want to shield their partner from their highs and lows
Mood Episodes Distort Thinking
Bipolar disorder causes extreme shifts in mood, energy, and activity levels. These changes in brain chemistry can temporarily distort how someone with bipolar views themselves and their relationships. Love and connection may feel smothering during mania or impossible to accept during depression.
Shame and Unlovability
The low mood and negative self-talk during depressive episodes can make someone with bipolar feel unlovable or burdensome to others. They may convince themselves that their partner would be better off without them or that they don't deserve love while depressed.
Seeking Stimulation and Change
The high energy and impulsivity of manic states may cause a craving for novelty, stimulation, and intensity. The stable love of a long-term partner may start to feel boring or oppressive. Pursuing new thrill-seeking behavior can look more exciting.
Protecting Loved Ones
To shield their partners from the most difficult aspects of bipolar disorder, some people try to minimize contact during episodes of mania or depression. They may see pushing away loved ones as sparing them from chaos or sadness.
How Being Pushed Away Impacts the Relationship
When a bipolar partner withdraws or creates distance, it leaves the other person feeling hurt, confused, worried, and abandoned. Trust in the relationship declines.
The partner who gets pushed away may become resentful over time, even if they know it's the bipolar disorder causing this behavior. Feelings can still get hurt regardless of whats triggering it.
Tips for Coping When Your Partner Pushes You Away
What can you do to take care of yourself and improve the situation when bipolar is causing your partner to be distant?
- Give them space - Pressuring intimacy will only worsen things during manic or depressive phases. Respect their need for temporary distance.
- Keep communicating gently - Let them know you care, and youll be there when theyre ready for closeness again.
- Focus on your own life - Go out with other friends, engage in hobbies, and find healthy distractions.
- Set boundaries if needed - If certain behaviors feel unacceptable to you, communicate that calmly.
Encouraging Your Partner to Stay Connected with Treatment
The most important thing that can help stabilize your partner's mood swings is effective bipolar treatment.
- Taking medication consistently
- Seeing a psychiatrist and/or bipolar-informed therapist
- Avoiding triggers like drugs, alcohol, and sleep deprivation
- Using mood charting apps to track symptoms
Gently encourage your partner in seeking consistent treatment. With proper medication and therapy, their ability to maintain intimacy even during difficult periods will likely improve.
Helping Your Bipolar Partner Feel Loved and Supported
Along with professional treatment, the unconditional love and compassion of a partner goes a long way in helping someone with bipolar disorder. Small gestures to make them feel understood and cared for can encourage closeness during times when isolation seems easier.
A few ideas:
- Write them a supportive note, text or email
- Make a relaxing evening together at home
- Cook their favorite meal or dessert
- Put together a playlist or photo book celebrating your relationship
Being the partner of someone with bipolar is not easy, but unconditional patience and understanding from loved ones enables healing.
FAQs
Why does my bipolar partner often pull away from intimacy?
Mood episodes from bipolar disorder can distort perceptions of oneself and relationships. Feelings of shame, boredom with the familiar, and wanting to shield you from their struggles can all cause a distancing. It's not a personal rejection.
What should I do when my bipolar partner stops communicating or spends all their time alone?
Give them space but gently let them know you care and are there for when they feel ready to reconnect. Focus on your own life and support system during this time. If certain behaviors feel unacceptable, set kind boundaries.
How can I encourage my partner to stay in bipolar treatment?
Gently reinforce the importance of taking medications consistently, seeing their mental health providers, avoiding triggers like substance use, and using mood tracking apps. Consistent treatment is key to managing symptoms.
What are some thoughtful gestures I can do to support my bipolar partner?
Small acts of love and support go a long way. Try writing them encouraging notes, making them their favorite meal, putting together a playlist or photo album celebrating your relationship, or planning relaxing evenings in together when they’re open to connecting again.
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new treatment regimen.
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