What Counts As Cheating If You're Not Married? Boundaries and Infidelity

What Constitutes Cheating If You're Not Married?

When you're in a committed relationship, but not married, the lines regarding cheating and infidelity can get blurry. Some couples view the commitment level as the same whether a legal marriage occurs or not. For others, the lack of marriage vows leaves more ambiguity as to what is considered crossing a line. So what actually constitutes cheating if you're not married?

Emotional Cheating

Even if a non-married partner doesn't get physically intimate with someone else, there are other behaviors that cross boundaries and could be considered cheating:

• Sharing intimate emotional feelings, hopes, dreams or desires with another person. This level of emotional intimacy should be reserved for one's partner.
• Keeping secrets from a partner or being deceptive about time spent with another person. Hiding interactions suggests you know they would upset your partner.
• Flirting with others, whether in person, over texting or on social media. Flirtatious interactions are disrespectful of the relationship.
• Discussing intimate problems about the relationship with an outside confidante. A third party should not be brought into relationship issues.

Partners who engage in this type of emotional cheating may defend themselves by saying "We're just friends" or "It didn't get physical." But the betrayal of intimacy often does as much damage as a sexual affair.

Physical Cheating

For most couples, sex with another person while in a committed partnership constitutes cheating. This could include:

• Having sexual intercourse with someone else.
• Engaging in oral sex or manual stimulation with another person.
• Kissing passionately or making out with someone other than your partner.
• Sending sexually explicit photos, videos or messages to another person.

Even if a sexual encounter didn't go "all the way," crossing major physical intimacy boundaries with someone else damages trust and the exclusivity of the relationship.

Is an Affair Outside of Marriage Worse Than Inside Marriage?

An affair is an affair whether couples are married or not. The commitment to monogamy is something both partners should honor. If one partner feels that the other having sex outside of marriage isn't "as bad" because no legal vows were broken, it reveals a major incompatibility in values.

That said, the aftermath of cheating may differ for marriages versus non-marriages in a few ways:

• A marriage may be more difficult to dissolve quickly. More legalities are involved in separation or divorce. Unmarried couples may find it logistically simpler to part ways.
• Married couples may feel motivated to seek counseling and work on reconciliation. No marriage vows bind an unmarried couple who may more easily decide to end the relationship.
• Cheating may impact spousal support or division of assets if a married couple divorces. There are fewer legal implications for unmarried couples.

It's important for both married and unmarried couples to voice expectations about cheating early in the relationship. They should clarify boundaries and agreement on what constitutes unfaithfulness. This avoids making assumptions or betraying a partner's trust down the road.

Signs Your Partner May Cheat

While no one can predict infidelity with certainty, there are red flags to look out for. If you and your partner are not married and you notice the following, it could signal potential cheating down the road:

They Have a History of Infidelity

If your partner has cheated in past relationships, they are more likely to repeat this behavior again. Unless they have done serious work to understand themselves and change patterns, history often repeats itself. Tread cautiously if you discover a track record of cheating.

Your Sex Life Has Changed

A sudden disinterest in sex with you, avoiding physical affection, or out of character sexual requests could indicate attraction to someone else. If it feels like your physical intimacy has shifted without explanation, this points to a deeper issue.

They Start Hiding Their Phone or Accounts

Increased secrecy with phones, devices or social media accounts is a big red flag. So is changing passwords that they keep from you or suddenly becoming very private about online or digital activity. This kind of concealment shows they have something to hide.

Their Routine and Plans Are Shifting

Different habits, unexplained changes in schedule, vague responses about where they are going or who they are with, could all signify cheating. Making plans without you and being vague about time spent apart from you leaves room for an affair.

They Have Lots of Unaccounted For Time

Periodically being unavailable, not answering calls or texts, offering implausible excuses for missing chunks of time away from you can signal an affair. Especially if this is suddenly different than past behavior, that missing time is likely spent with someone else.

You Notice Clothing/Grooming/Hygiene Changes

If your partner suddenly starts putting more time and effort into their appearance with new clothes, hairstyles, fragrances, fitness routines, etc., it may be an attempt to impress another person. Dramatic shifts in self-care rituals can mean they are taking interest in someone new.

Their Money Habits Change

Unexplained decreases in income, unusual credit card charges, or secretive money behaviors can occur if funds are being spent on another person. Splurging on gifts, trips, or expenses without reason can be a sign those resources are going toward an affair.

They Pick Fights and Pull Away From You

Partners who suddenly provoke arguments, find fault with you, stop communicating, and withdraw affection are often distracted by someone else. If they pick fights to create distance from you, that gap is likely being filled by cheating.

You Have an Instinct Something is Off

Even without concrete proof, if your gut tells you something feels wrong and your partner seems distant, dismissive, or dishonest, don't ignore that instinct. You likely are sensing subtle cues that infidelity is occurring or about to occur very soon.

Your Friends Notice Concerning Changes

Sometimes it takes those close to you to identify red flags you may be too close to see. If friends observe your partner behaving differently or share worries something seems "off," take those concerns seriously. They likely notice problems you have yet to pick up on.

What to Do If You Suspect Cheating

If you and your partner did not establish clear rules about what is considered cheating or you notice warning signs, here are tips to address it:

Reflect on What You Need and Deserve

If you suspect cheating, it's understandable to initially feel desperate to keep your partner. But take time to reflect on whether you truly feel valued, respected and cared for in the relationship. Consider if this is the relationship structure you want or deserve. Focus on self-care rather than obsessive detective work.

Observe Patterns Rather Than Isolated Incidents

Before assuming infidelity based on one odd behavior, track if a pattern emerges over time. Maintain calm observation of multiple factors without immediately accusing. Jumping to conclusions from limited information isn't constructive.

Communicate Your Feelings Directly

Once you've gathered more information, have an honest dialogue about what youve noticed and how it makes you feel. Avoid blaming or shaming. Use "I" statements to express hurt or distrust. Gauge your partners reaction for remorse versus defensiveness.

Set Clear Boundaries Around Cheating

If cheating occurred, clearly define what you consider crossing the line and your expectations going forward. Agree on what behaviors cannot be repeated if you move forward in repairing the relationship. Stick firmly to those boundaries.

Get Support From Loved Ones

Dont isolate yourself if you discover betrayal. Turn to trusted friends, relatives or even a counselor to process emotions. Support systems help you gain perspective on whether

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new treatment regimen.