Rebuilding Trust When Your Partner Breaks Promises

Understanding and Handling a Partner Who Breaks Promises

When your partner consistently fails to follow through on their word, it undermines trust and causes pain. If someone never keeps promises about change, it can signal deeper issues in how they show up in a relationship. However, with care and communication, some couples move past broken commitments stronger than before.

Signs of an Untrustworthy Partner

Look for these patterns that indicate your partner struggles with keeping their word:

• Frequently makes commitments or assurances they later ignore
• Downplays broken promises as "not a big deal"
• Avoids discussions about upholding their word
• Habitually late or forgetful about important events
• Makes excuses or blames external factors when they break promises

Someone who cannot be trusted to follow through breeds instability and resentment in a relationship. It leaves the other person always doubting their reliability.

Impact on the Partnership

The inability to take your partner's promises seriously can:

• Create anger, hurt, and arguments
• Lead to resentment and grudge-holding
• Make the other person feel disrespected
• Cause one partner to micromanage or monitor the other
• Damage emotional intimacy and trust

Both people likely feel the relationship instability if one repeatedly fails to walk the talk. The bond becomes defined by broken trust.

Why Do They Break Commitments?

There are several potential reasons someone may fail to keep their word:

• Forgetfulness - They may genuinely forget promises made in the moment.
• avoidance - Keeping commitments means accountability they may want to dodge.
• Disorganization - They may lack systems for managing promises and priorities.
• Communication issues - You two may misunderstand expectations.

It could also tie to deeper personality or mental health factors like anxiety, depression, or trouble managing stress. Or they use broken promises to exert control.

Have Open Conversations

Talking openly and calmly about why they struggle with follow-through shows your desire to understand. Use "I feel" statements to avoid placing blame solely on them.

Ask what they need to uphold commitments going forward. Respectful listening is key- the goal is increasing mutual understanding.

Set Reminders and Accountability

For chronic forgetfulness, reminders and accountability may help. Shared calendars, gentle check-ins on progress, or reminders before important events could support follow-through.

Checking in helps you both feel heard and avoid silently building resentment. Just take care not to take on a parent-child dynamic.

Rebuilding Trust Over Time

If your partner shows a genuine willingness to grow, you can rebuild trust together. This requires:

• Consistency over time
• Accountability
• Repair attempts after any regression

Focus on specific, achievable commitments versus vague promises of change. Baby steps demonstrate a desire for growth.

Reset Expectations

Have an open talk about what you both need to move forward with a clean slate. This may include:

• Acknowledging harm caused
• Committing to specific communication practices
• Agreeing on what accountability and progress look like

Keep emotions in check and use lots of "I" statements. The goal is to understand each other better.

Celebrate Progress

Reinforce positive change by expressing appreciation when your partner follows through on their word. Even small acts matter when rebuilding trust.

This motivates them and shows you notice their efforts. But avoid praise that feels patronizing.

Seek Outside Help If Needed

If communication struggles continue, consider couples counseling. A neutral third party can help you:

• Discuss underlying issues constructively
• Improve listening and conflict skills
• Identify unhealthy patterns
• Find strategies that work for both of you

Individual counseling can also help someone unpack their barriers to keeping commitments.

When It's Time to Walk Away

In some cases, broken promises should end a relationship. Consider leaving if they:

• Refuse to acknowledge or address the issue
• Blame you for their lack of accountability
• Keep making commitments with no follow-through
• Use promises and lies to manipulate you

You deserve a partner who respects you. Leaving may motivate them to grow. Or confirm they lack readiness for a healthy relationship.

Seeking Help from Loved Ones

If struggling to leave an unhealthy dynamic, confide in trusted loved ones. They can help by:

• Listening without judgment
• Providing encouragement and validation of your feelings
• Helping identify patterns of broken promises
• Assisting with logistics like housing if you leave

Securing emotional and practical support makes an unhealthy situation easier to escape.

Having Self-Compassion

Breaking the cycle takes courage. Be kind to yourself and focus on these truths:

• Their lack of accountability is on them, not you
• You deserve to feel safe and respected in love
• You are strong for choosing your well-being

Remind yourself that you have the power to build a relationship based on mutual trust and respect.

Growth and Change Are Possible

While painful when promises shatter, someone improving their ability to keep their word can transform a relationship.

This requires taking responsibility, rebuilding trust steadily over time, and learning new skills together. With consistent effort, commitment, and communication from you both, growth happens.

However, refusing to make meaningful change may signal it's time to walk away. You deserve trustworthiness. Believe this, and you will find your path forward.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new treatment regimen.