Coping with Marital Problems in Retirement After Long Years Together

The Challenges of an Unhappy Marriage in Retirement

Entering retirement is a major life transition, and for many married couples, retirement can unveil or exacerbate issues in the relationship that have been buried during busy working years. Without the distraction of careers and child-rearing, underlying problems often bubble up, leading some to ultimately make the difficult decision to divorce later in life after decades of marriage.

Common Causes of Marital Strife in Retirement

Several factors contribute to unhappy marriages in retirement, including:

• Too much unstructured leisure time causing boredom or restlessness
• Financial stress from inadequate retirement savings or adjusting to a fixed income
• Lack of intimacy after years of emotional or physical distance
• Disagreements around new lifestyle changes and schedules in retirement
• One or both spouses unwilling to compromise on expectations and needs

Overcoming Growing Apart Over the Years

After decades together focused on careers and family responsibilities, some couples simply drift apart and no longer have a strong friendship or partnership to sustain them through major life changes like retirement:

• Individual personal growth can diverge over so many years
• Resentment has slowly built up from unresolved disagreements
• The marriage lacks effort and intention to nurture intimacy and understanding

Without urgency around child-rearing or careers providing structure, the void between spouses becomes more evident in retirement.

Impact of Divorce Later in Life After Long-Term Marriage

Despite the many challenges, divorcing in retirement after many years of marriage does not come lightly or easily. The decision brings enormous life changes with consequences including:

Emotional Crisis and Grief

The emotional crisis of divorce is painful and challenging at any age, but later in life the shared history makes parting ways after decades together exceptionally difficult:

• Long-held dreams of growing old together with grandchildren are destroyed
• A dramatic life transition during an already significant adjustment into retirement
• Grieving the enormous loss of a shared identity and purpose

Financial Instability

The financial ramifications of divorce in retirement can be significant with generally reduced resources from living on fixed incomes:

• Assets like investments, property, and retirement savings accounts must be divided
• Alimony, insurance benefits, and Inheritances have to be renegotiated
• Single living expenses are greater than sharing costs
• Women statistically suffer greater financial hardship post-divorce from reduced savings and income

Establishing a New Normal

Despite the upheaval, divorce provides opportunity to create a new vision for the future by establishing purposeful structure in daily living and nurturing new relationships and passions:

• Pursuing neglected hobbies and interests helps redefine identity
• Spending more time with friends and family realigns support systems
• Renegotiating living situations and financial planning empowers stability and control
• Intentionally maintaining health and wellbeing better enables managing life changes

Proactive Steps for a Happier Marriage In Retirement

While some marital issues only fully surface later in life, being proactive both before and during retirement can mitigate risks of growing apart after so many years together by:

Seeking Marriage Counseling

Therapy helps identify and constructively work through underlying problems, lack of intimacy, communication issues, goal conflicts or other challenges:

• Develop skills to reconnect, understand each other’s needs and find compromise
• Break cycles of resentment before they build into irreparable damage
• Learn strategies for newly redefined relationships in retirement

Cultivating Common Interests and Social Circles

Having shared activities, passions and friends helps couples stay intimately engaged as they transition into post-career life.

• Make lifestyle changes together by adopting mutually enjoyed hobbies
• Improve intimacy through newfound adventure and experiences
• Jointly reconnect with old friends or meet new social circles

Improving Communication and Understanding

Open, honest and empathetic communication prevents small conflicts from escalating while helping each partner feel valued. This takes ongoing effort and commitment from both spouses by:

• Making quality time for direct conversations
• Compromising when goals, needs or interests differ
• Assuming positive intent during disagreements
• Listening without judgment before responding

Seeking Relationship Advice and Support

For those considering separation or divorce later in life, first seeking legal advice helps navigate important financial and legal considerations. Additionally, connecting with support groups, therapy or trusted confidants provides emotional guidance during such difficult decisions and transitions.

While the many changes that come with retirement strain some marriages to the point of divorce, being proactive with communication, intimacy building, and compassion helps weather difficult seasons together by nurturing understanding and partnership for the years still ahead.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new treatment regimen.