Understanding Depression: Why Some Statements Can Cause Further Harm
When a loved one is battling depression, it can be extremely difficult to know what to say to provide them support. While said with good intentions, some common platitudes and advice directed at those with depression may inadvertently minimize their feelings, imply personal blame, or discourage treatment.
To help prevent further emotional damage during this vulnerable time, here are examples of statements that should generally be avoided when speaking to someone coping with depression.
Just Try Being More Positive
Depression severely restricts ones ability to control or change their emotions. Suggesting they improve their mood via willpower essentially trivializes biological brain dysfunction.
Additionally, the intense guilt felt by many depressed individuals makes claims of you should think more positively especially hurtful by further perpetuating self-blame.
We All Get Sad Sometimes
While occasional sadness and grief are normal human experiences nearly everyone faces at some point, clinical depression is much more severe, unrelenting, and disabling.
By equating temporary sadness to major depressive disorder, it severely underestimates the intense hopelessness those with depression withstand on a daily basis.
Its All In Your Head
Though genetic vulnerabilities and environmental stress can substantially impact ones risk, depression ultimately stems from complex biological brain changes. Chemical signaling imbalances literally alter emotions and thought processing against the persons wishes or control.
Saying its just in your head wrongly implies sufferers should be able to simply turn off symptoms by changing their thoughts. In reality, proper medical treatment is often crucial for improvement.
Avoid Recommending Harmful Coping Methods Like Alcohol
In an attempt to lighten the mood or momentarily distract from negative thoughts, some people may jokingly recommend those with depression try drinking more alcohol or using illicit substances.
While said in a lighthearted manner, this harmful advice can enable and worsen self-medication tendencies. Both alcohol and recreational drugs often amplify depression severity long-term.
Do Not Make Assumptions or Attribute Blame
Comments like what do you have to be depressed about? or suggestions they brought this on yourself represent subtle ways distorted thinking patterns and stigma surrounding mental illness still persist.
The reality is depression does not selectively impact people who have experienced hardship or poor lifestyle choices - it can affect anyone.
Avoid Any Statements Implying People Can Snap Out Of It
No matter how much they may want to, those with clinical depression are unable to simply make symptoms disappear. Implying they possess total control over altering brain changes trivializes genuine struggling.If willpower alone could eliminate neurological issues, mental health disorders would not exist. There is no conscious choice involved in the onset of depression.
What Statements Should You Avoid Making to Someone With Depression?
When interacting with a loved one suffering from the debilitating effects of depression, consider avoiding the following commonly used platitudes and phrases, as these statements tend to cause more harm than good even when said with compassionate intention.
I Cant Help You If You Wont Help Yourself
This recommendation for self-sufficiency fails to account for the extreme lack of motivation, hopelessness about ones situation improving, and reduced cognitive resources those with severe depression endure.
Speaking from a place of unconditional support rather than issuing potentially counterproductive ultimatums demonstrates understanding of their present limitations.
You Need To Be Strong For Your Family
With severe depression, emotionally supporting others while ones own mental health suffers seems insurmountable.Comments pressuring already drained individuals to exert more energy into acting strong for others benefit only deepens guilt over perceived inadequacies. Remind them family can offer strength through unconditional support.
I Know How You Feel
If you yourself have never experienced clinical depressions devastating effects, claiming you understand their experience can feel invalidating. Everyones struggle coping with mental illness differs.
You can still offer compassion without pretending their exact thoughts or feelings are relatable. Its okay to acknowledge our own difficulty imagining what depression feels like.
What Should You Say Instead to Support Someone With Depression?
While avoiding judgmental, hurtful, or dismissive language is crucial, you also need to actively express encouragement and hope. Here are some supportive alternatives to use when communicating with a depressed loved one.
Your Feelings Are Valid, Even if I Cant Understand Them
Rather than comparing their depression to your own emotions, acknowledge their struggles as genuine even if you cannot personally relate. The simple act of validation helps enormously.Im Here to Listen Without Judgment Whenever Youre Ready
Make yourself emotionally available without trying to control timing or push them to feel better. People with depression often benefit from choosing for themselves when to discuss their feelings.You Did Not Choose This. Help Is Available as You Need It
Counter harmful self-blame tendencies by reminding them clinical depression ultimately results from involuntary biological factors, and there are many scientifically-proven treatment options to try.
The Takeaway
Avoiding insensitive language which exacerbates shame, discouragement and guilt must be balanced with active unconditional emotional support. Let them guide the process yet offer resources if requested. With compassion and understanding, we can promote hope and recovery from depressions darkness.
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new treatment regimen.
Add Comment