Self-Sabotaging Relationship Quiz - Why We Ruin Our Own Love Lives

Do You Self-Sabotage Your Relationships?

Have your relationships followed a painful pattern where everything starts off wonderfully then suddenly falls apart? Do you seem to "self-destruct" by pushing partners away or engaging in dysfunctional behavior that damages the relationship right when things seem to be going well?

If this scenario sounds familiar, you may be self-sabotaging - unconsciously creating your own heartbreak due to hidden fears of intimacy, commitment, or beliefs you don't deserve happiness. Take this insightful self-sabotage quiz to gain self-awareness then learn techniques to overcome relationship anxiety.

The Self-Sabotage Quiz

Respond honestly "yes" or "no" for each statement below. Or answer "sometimes" if the scenario applies only partially or rarely.

1. I often criticise or start pointless arguments with my partner over minor issues.
2. I have one foot out the door and struggle to emotionally invest when dating someone.
3. I get bored and pull away when a relationship becomes too stable and predictable.
4. When things seem to be going perfectly, I look for flaws and ways the relationship will inevitably fail.
5. I have cheated on partners or tempted to sabotage things when getting too serious.

If you answered "yes" or even "sometimes" to several statements, you may be self-sabotaging your love life. Keep reading to understand the roots of relationship anxiety and how to stop self-destructive patterns.

Why Do We Self-Sabotage Relationships?

Self-sabotage stems from painful early life experiences, emotional wounds, unmet needs, or negative beliefs about ourselves that manifest in dysfunctional relationship habits as adults. Here are some of the common roots of relationship self-sabotage tendencies:

Fear of Intimacy

Letting someone get emotionally close means vulnerability about sharing feelings, trusting them with your heart, or believing you are worthy and deserving of real love. If past relationship trauma or heartbreak showed you intimacy only leads to pain, you may panic and self-sabotage when someone gets too close for comfort.

Avoidant Attachment

Having a parent who was emotionally unavailable or insensitive during childhood can lead to an avoidant attachment style. You keep partners at arms length to protect yourself, struggle opening up emotionally, and feel trapped when things get too comfy in relationships. Self-sabotage kicks in to regain control.

Believing You're Unlovable

Low self-esteem, negative self-talk, trauma, or critical family can embed false beliefs that you are somehow defective, unworthy, hard to love or destined to end up alone. You may try to convince partners to leave first before they inevitably abandon you.

Fear of Commitment

Deep down you desperately want love but the idea of committing long-term awakens terrifying "fight or flight" anxiety. You look for exits, wrestle with doubt, second-guess perfectly nice partners as "not right" or flake out on big relationship steps.

Unconscious Replication of Past Hurt

We recreate familiar negative dynamics subconsciously to gain mastery over childhood wounds. If love wasn't kind or safe growing up, you reflexively expect pain and heartache in relationships - then engage in behavior causing precisely that.

Am I Sabotaging My Current Relationship?

Do you recognize any self-sabotage warning signs creeping into your love life? Ask yourself these questions:

Do I Initiate Unnecessary Fights or Criticize My Partner's Minor Flaws?

Like nitpicking their outfit, sulking over a casually cancelled plan, venting to friends about things that annoy you or storming off during a heated argument over something insignificant? This signals fear of true intimacy - so you create needless drama and push them away before real closeness happens.

Do I Shut Down Emotionally or Keep One Foot Out the Door?

Self-sabotage shows up here as refusing to open your heart, dodging "where is this going?" talks, flaking on dates, or entertaining romantic interest from others. You abuse their trust and affection so when they eventually walk away, it confirms your inner belief you're impossible to truly love.

Do I Lose Interest as Soon as Things Get Comfortable?

The beginning passion and unpredictability of new romance triggers dopamine and adrenaline. But self-sabotaging conditioning means "stable love=boring" making you itch for drama. So you stir chaos via flirting, emotional distance, lining up fallback options or finding fabricated dealbreakers about your partner.

Do I Obsess Over or Mentally Sabotage Things That Are Going Well?

Relationships run smoothly until the self-saboteur inside you goes, "this is too good to be true!" Happy moments trigger childhood wounds convincing you the other shoe will inevitably drop. You pick fights, grow paranoid, become hypercritical or /overanalyze in an attempt to self protect because subconsciously you expect pending doom.

How Can I Stop Self-Sabotaging My Relationships?

Whether single or already with someone amazing, committing to doing this inner work gives your relationships their best chance long-term and saves future heartache:

Get Supportive Counselling

A skilled therapist helps uncover blindspots about why you engage in self-sabotage then equips you with insights and coping tools to stop self-destructive habits from derailing relationships.

Practice Self-Awareness and Emotional Intelligence

Notice problematic thinking patterns or interaction styles then consciously apply emotional intelligence: how do my words/actions impact my partner? What insecurities or inner wounds get triggered? Talk or journal to better know your inner world.

Communicate and Reassure More in Relationships

Verbally share feelings, needs and worries openly versus bottling up then self-sabotaging. Offer genuine compliments plus verbal/physical affection often so partners feel valued. This builds emotional safety to help anxious attachment or low self-worth.

Catch Destructive Thoughts Early and Reframe Them

Like paranoia about being dumped or negative self-talk saying you'll just have your heart broken. Replace doomsday narratives with empowering mantras like "I deserve fulfilling love" and "my needs matter too in this relationship."

Identify and Heal Root Core Wounds

Big T trauma like abuse require therapeutic resolution. But even painful emotional imprints left by neglectful parenting, school bullying, bad breakups or betrayal play out subconsciously until brought into consciousness via inner child work then rewired with reparenting.

Keep Dismantling Limiting Self-Concepts

Childhood or past relationship events can warp identity with hurtful labels: unworthy, unlovable, too difficult, selfish, too sensitive, too much... As these shed in the light of self-love, self-sabotage diminishes.

Learn to Identify and Meet Your Own Core Emotional Needs

Unmet needs often manifest through toxic behaviors making us impossible to truly satisfy deep down. Get super clear on non-negotiables that light you up in relationships while taking responsibility for loving and fulfilling yourself first.

Start Catching Yourself Earlier in the Self-Sabotage Cycle

With mindful awareness and desire for healthy relating, begin noticing the earliest thought patterns like frustrations, nitpicks or paranoia when they first arise. Then compassionately ask, "How are my unresolved wounds getting triggered here?" Address the roots through self-care rather than let destructive reactions sabotage your partner connection.

Have hope! Even after many failed relationships, lasting love is absolutely possible through doing your personal growth work. And the effort incredibly rewards you with deeper fulfillment plus empowered confidence engaging intimately with someone as your highest, healthiest self.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new treatment regimen.