How to Find the Right Third Partner for a Threesome - Tips for Couples

Finding the Right Third Partner for a Threesome

Some couples choose to explore having threesomes or adding a third partner to their bedroom activities. This allows them to experience new sexual adventures together and potentially deepen their intimacy. However, finding the right third partner requires careful consideration of preferences, boundaries, safety, and communication. Here are some tips for couples on how to go about finding a suitable third person to join them.

Discuss Your Reasons and Expectations

Before searching for a third, it is essential for the couple to discuss their motivations, goals, concerns, and boundaries around bringing in someone new. Key things to talk through include:

• Why you want to try a threesome and what each partner hopes to get out of the experience.
• What fears or hesitations you may have and how to address them.
• What activities and level of involvement you want the third person to have.
• Rules and limitations you want to set around safer sex, privacy, contact after, etc.
• How you will communicate your relationship status and intention to the third partner.

Having alignment on your relationship values, priorities, and what you want the experience to be like will set you up for success in finding the right fit.

Decide on Preferred Gender and Orientation

An important consideration is whether you want the third person to be male or female, and their sexual orientation. Possibilities include:

• A heterosexual male for MFMs
• A bisexual or heterosexual female for MFFs
• A bisexual male or female
• Someone genderfluid or non-binary

There are different dynamics to weigh with each configuration. Talk through which gender(s) appeal to both of you and can fulfill your mutual desires and fantasies.

Set Boundaries and Safer Sex Protocols

To minimize risks, you should agree on safety practices before adding a new sexual partner such as:

• Rules like condoms being mandatory, no fluid bonding, etc.
• Regular STI testing for everyone involved
• Sharing and reviewing recent test results beforehand
• Restrictions on certain higher risk activities
• Agreeing to share any STI exposures or symptoms immediately

Also mutually determine what activities each partner can and cannot do with the third - oral sex only, no penetration, partners cannot kiss the third, etc. Clear safer sex and personal boundaries help avoid hurt feelings or violations of trust.

Vet Potential Candidates Carefully

Once you start searching for a third, take time getting to know candidates and determining compatibility before moving forward. Ways to vet potentials include:

• Have an open and honest discussion about boundaries, expectations, relationship status, etc.
• Meet first in a non-sexual context to assess interpersonal chemistry and comfort levels.
• Look for maturity, respectfulness, and the ability to follow your rules.
• Review recent STI test results together.
• Start slowly with less physically intimate activities at first.

Avoid picking someone impulsively in the heat of the moment. Take time to determine alignment on your wants and needs first.

Find Candidates Through Lifestyle Sites

One of the safest ways to find a suitable third partner is to use reputable sites or apps designed for ethically non-monogamous dating and threesome arrangements. Benefits include:

• Members are aware these relationships occur and consent to them.
• Ability to specifically search for compatible gender(s), orientations, etc.
• Profile screening and verification processes.
• Can take communication off-platform to vet further before meeting.

Well-known options include Feeld, #Open, and Threesome Dating App, among others. The paid membership versions often provide the best protections and candidate pools.

Be Wary of Random Third Partners

Exercising caution with finding random third partners that you do not vet thoroughly carries risks like:

• Possibility they may not respect your relationship boundaries.
• Less accountability for following your safer sex protocols.
• Potentially uncomfortable social complications afterwards.
• Safety issues if you do not know the person well.

Never feel obligated to add someone impulsively or from pressure in the moment. Take time to properly evaluate candidates first.

Making a Threesome Successful and Enjoyable

Once you have carefully chosen a suitable third partner for a threesome, it is important to set things up for the best experience. Here are some tips for having a positive, safe, and mutually fulfilling threesome:

Prepare and Hygiene

To get ready, the three of you should:

• Shower, groom, use the restroom beforehand to feel fresh.
• Have condoms, lubes, sex toys, and anything needed on hand.
• Set up the space with lighting, temperature, clean bedding, water, etc.
• Establish a safe word that anyone can use to pause or stop activities.

This helps all partners feel comfortable and sets you up for the best intimacy.

Set the Mood and Relax

To help everyone ease into the experience, you can:

• Start with massage, foreplay, or other affection to increase arousal and comfort.
• Spend time becoming familiar with each other's bodies first.
• Communicate desires openly and give positive feedback.
• Go slowly rather than rushing advanced activities too quickly.
• Create a fun, playful atmosphere free of pressure or expectations.

A relaxed, unhurried start allows arousal and chemistry to build at an organic pace.

Incorporate All Partners

To avoid anyone feeling left out, be attentive to each person's involvement by:

• Frequently checking in on everyone's enjoyment and consent.
• Making sure all get equal pleasure and attention.
• Rotating partners and positions so no one sits idle for long periods.
• Accommodating each person's desires and comfort levels.
• Welcoming feedback on what feels best for each partner.

Adjusting the activities to sustain involvement and fulfillment for everyone enhances the mutual fun.

Communicate Throughout

Keep communicating before, during and after to make it a positive experience through:

• Discussing wants, limits and relationship dynamics beforehand.
• Giving encouraging feedback on what each partner enjoys during.
• Checking in frequently on consent and comfort levels.
• Debriefing after on what worked well and what can improve next time.

Ongoing, open communication ensures you are all on the same page and having your needs met.

Aftercare Is Important

Be sure to make time for intimacy and aftercare when you are finished by:

• Cuddling, holding each other, expressing affection.
• Hydrating, cleaning up, wrapping in a blanket if desired.
• Discussing how each partner feels and offering reassurance if needed.
• Following up over the next few days to reinforce your relationship.

Aftercare ensures each person feels valued, secure, and comfortable moving forward after this novel experience.

With care, consent and proper precautions, exploring a threesome can allow couples to enhance intimacy in new, exciting ways. Prioritizing open communication and mutual fulfillment creates the recipe for an enjoyable experience all can cherish.

Making Threesomes Work Long-Term

For couples who decide to incorporate threesomes or additional partners into their sex lives on an ongoing basis, some extra care and communication is required to maintain a strong primary partnership over time. Here are some tips to make threesomes work successfully as a long-term adventurous arrangement:

Reinforce Your Relationship Frequently

Make an effort to consistently reconnect one-on-one and reinforce your couplehood through:

• Frequent date nights, romantic getaways, and dedicated couple time.
• Expressing your love, commitment, and attraction often.
• Engaging in intimate activities alone to maintain your sexual bond.
• Verbal reassurance and extra affection after threesome experiences.

This ensures your relationship always feels like the priority despite fun external sexual exploration.

Maintain Strong Boundaries with Thirds

Be very clear on rules with any outside partners by:

• Never allowing sleepovers or solo dates with thirds.
• Restricting communication/contact to logistics rather than emotional intimacy.
• Disclosing your relationship orientation and expectations upfront.
• Carefully screening for maturity, respectfulness and compatibility.

This reduces risks of attachments forming that could undermine your committed partnership.

Check In Often and Adjust as Needed

Communicate frequently about how things are going and make changes accordingly:

• Debrief after each experience and share constructive feedback.
• Discuss any insecurities that arise and provide extra reassurance.
• Renegotiate any rules or boundaries that need modifying.
• Take breaks from threesomes if anyone needs more one-on-one time.

Consistently fine-tuning your arrangement ensures it continues working for you both.

Stop Immediately if Challenges Arise

Agree to halt the experiences right away if either partner has concerns like:

• Difficulty reconnecting intimately after threesomes.
• Feelings of hurt, neglect, jealousy or insecurity flaring up.
• Disagreements over boundaries with third partners.
• Arguments or tension arising around the experiences.

Hitting pause and reassessing is essential if conflicts or distance seem to result.

While threesomes can enrich a committed relationship, they also carry risk. Setting guidelines, maintaining strong couple intimacy, communicating openly and being ready to stop are key to making it work successfully long-term.

Ethical Considerations for Threesome Relationships

Couples who decide to explore consensual non-monogamous relationships should educate themselves on how to engage in an ethical manner. Here are some important ethical considerations for couples seeking threesomes or additional partners:

Obtain Full, Enthusiastic Consent

All participants must provide explicit, uncoerced, enthusiastic, ongoing consent for any sexual activities that occur. Never pressure partners into anything they are not fully comfortable with.

Practice Safer Sex Strictly

Mandating condoms, regular STI testing, sharing recent results, and avoiding fluid bonding with new partners are essential for mitigating risks.

Honor Agreed Rules and Boundaries

Any restrictions around activities, intimacy levels, contact with third partners, etc. must be respected entirely to avoid hurting your primary partner.

Communicate Your Relationship Status

Be upfront from the start if you are an established couple looking for a casual additional partner, not seeking to form any romantic attachments.

Ensure Equal Participation and Pleasure

Activities should involve all partners and be mutually pleasurable - no one should ever feel pushed to the sidelines or pressured to engage in unwanted acts.

Establish Trust Through Honest Dialogue

Any concerns, discomforts or conflicts should be raised and discussed openly to maintain a foundation of integrity and respect.

Treat Additional Partners Ethically

Casual partners should be respected as full human beings, not treated as disposable objects. Communicate with care, compassion and mindfulness.

Adhering closely to principles of consent, safety, transparency, equality and conscientious communication allows couples to explore new intimate dynamics ethically.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new treatment regimen.