Examining Your Behavior for Signs You May Not Be a Nice Person
Everyone likes to think they are a nice person deep down. But true kindness and consideration for others is something that has to be nurtured and practiced on a daily basis. It's very possible to engage in behaviors that push you towards the "not nice" end of the spectrum without even realizing it.
Getting Defensive When Called Out
If your first reaction when someone critiques your behavior is to get angry, lash out, or place blame elsewhere, it may be an indication you are not as nice as you believe. Truly kind people have the humility and self-awareness to receive feedback with openness rather than defensiveness.
Judging Others Harshly
Do you often catch yourself thinking or vocalizing judgments about how other people live their lives? Critiquing how someone dresses, raises their kids, spends money or any number of personal choices is a red flag. Compassionate people focus that mental energy on building others up rather than tearing them down.
Making Everything About You
Conversations have a flow and mutually kind individuals work to balance listening and sharing. If you notice that you hijack most interactions to redirect them to your life, problems or achievements, you may lack the selflessness associated with nice people.
numbness to Others' Misfortunes
Do you feel genuine empathy when people tell you about difficulties they face? Or are you largely numb and disconnected from others' suffering? If someone's story about illness, job loss or grief doesn't evoke emotion, it could be a sign your sense of compassion is underdeveloped.
Feeling Threatened by Others' Success
Truly kind human beings feel joy when the people around them succeed. However, for some there is a tendency to view others' victories as threatening. If you notice feelings of jealousy or resentment rather than happiness for peers, friends or even strangers who achieve goals, it may expose some not-so-nice beliefs about yourself in relation to them.
Overly Critical of Loved Ones
It's easy to gloss over being excessively harsh with romantic partners, family members or close confidants. But chronically criticizing their appearance, intelligence, choices or other attributes can deeply hurt them over time resulting in damaged relationships. Consider if your behavior aligns more with lifting your loved ones up or constantly putting them down.
Prone to Social Comparison
Nice individuals have an inner security that prevents them from constantly sizing themselves up to others. If you perpetually compare your looks, intelligence, possessions, job title or other aspects of your identity to those around you, it betrays some ingrained beliefs that you are not enough on your own.
Cultivating Niceness in Your Disposition and Outlook
If any of the above habits or patterns ring true for you more often than you would like, do not despair. There are many small, incremental steps you can take to chip away at unkind mental frameworks and behavior over time. With consistent effort, incorporating the following attitudes and actions into your daily life can help foster authentic niceness.
Practice Gratitude
Making thankfulness a regular ritual trains your brain to operate from a perspective of abundance rather than lack. When you feel full of blessings, there is less tendency to criticize, judge or feel threatened by others. Appreciate all the people, experiences and simple joys that fill your world.
Expand Your Empathy
Strengthening your ability to imaginatively walk in another person's shoes bolsters compassion. Seek to truly understand different life situations and challenges other face before judging or commenting on their circumstances. And validate others' feelings when they share struggles with you.
Improve Your Listening
Hone the skill of being fully present when others speak without interjecting with your own stories or advice. This ensures you connect more meaningfully by comprehending their full experience before crafting your response.
Identify Your Insecurities
Take time for regular self-reflection to uncover the sensitive spots and triggers rooted in past events that make you reactive. Knowing your vulnerabilities allows you to separate past wounds from people's current actions towards you now.
Establish Personal Values
Clearly defined principles help anchor your mindset, priorities and responses. Draft a list of 5-10 core values like integrity, growth, compassion, etc. that guide how you aspire to show up. Referring to this touchstone can realign unkind urges into more constructive interactions.
Set Smaller Goals
Don't expect an overnight personality transformation. Making the climb towards consistent niceness requires modest objectives tackled day by day. Celebrate little acts of patience, generosity and positivity that inch you towards being your best self over time.
Deal With Your Own Shortcomings First
It’s easy to spot the flaws and missteps of others. But true personal growth comes from addressing the imperfect parts within ourselves. Until you conquer your weaknesses, don’t judge someone else who battles with the same.
Give People the Benefit of the Doubt
Rather than assuming ill intent behind others’ behavior, choose to believe they are doing their best with their current understanding and skill level. Inserting some empathy and compassion can diffuse reactive responses.
Catch Your Critical Inner Voice
The pathway to nicer speech begins with nicer thoughts. When you notice an unkind comment forming about someone else, pause and reformulate your inner dialogue. In time this converts outward projections into gentler interactions.
The Rewards of Choosing Niceness
Committing to overcome thought patterns and behaviors rooted in judgment, insecurity, and criticism requires real effort. But nurturing your capacity for vulnerability, gratitude, and compassion transforms all relationships. The rewards of relating to others from this kinder emotional space include:
Deeper Connections
Removing ego, jealousy and attempts to dominate from the equation fosters intimacy, bonding and mutual understanding between human beings.
Improved Mental Health
Letting go of grudges, the need to compete and negative social comparison relieves stress and anxiety. Feelings of inner security and self-acceptance grow.
Increased Self-Worth
As you unconditional accept others quirks and struggles, the same compassion extends to yourself quieting your inner critic. You recognize your innate value.
More Collaboration
Openness to varied perspectives allows for cooperation. You think “with” others rather than butting heads in opposition.
Healthier Communication
Really listening, finding common ground, validating different views - all hallmarks of nice people - resolve conflicts and prevent misunderstanding.
While becoming a sincerely nice person poses challenges, consciously releasing judgment and embracing compassion ultimately enriches all aspects of life.
FAQs
How can I tell if I'm actually a nice person or not?
Look at how you respond when others critique you - do you get defensive or can you take feedback humbly? Also examine if you often judge, criticize, or feel jealous of others rather than feeling genuinely happy for their success. These reactions signal areas for self-improvement.
I lack some empathy and tend to judge others quickly. How can I improve?
Work on seeing things from others' perspectives before reacting. Also catch yourself when a judgmental thought arises and consciously reformat it. Over time this muscle strengthens and your automatic reactions become kinder.
Why do I feel irritated when my friends and peers succeed?
Feeling threatened by others' wins often stems from our own insecurities or grief over losses. Look within to uncover wounds causing this. Remind yourself there's room for everyone to thrive. Let go of comparison and orient to appreciating your own gifts.
Are there benefits to becoming a genuinely nicer person?
Absolutely! Developing compassion boosts mental health, personal value, communication skills, intimacy in relationships and more. Replacing criticism with understanding fulfils the deep human need for connection.
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new treatment regimen.
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