Preserving Marriage While Caring for Aging In-laws | Tips for Caregiver Couples

How Caring for an Elderly In-Law Can Strain A Marriage

As parents and in-laws age, many couples face the difficult decision of taking on their caregiving responsibilities. While this choice is often made out of love and duty, it can significantly impact an exhausted couples relationship if not managed carefully. The physical and emotional demands of elder caregiving have ended many formerly happy marriages.

Common Causes of Marital Stress

There are some frequently reported challenges that strain marriages during the process of caring for elderly in-laws:

• Disagreements over care decisions, boundaries with in-laws, and family conflicts
• Financial pressures from healthcare costs and lost wages due to caregiving
• Lack of empathy and appreciation for the spouse doing more hands-on work
• Inadequate communication, resentment, and isolation
• Physical and mental exhaustion leading to relationship neglect

Learning how to avoid or properly handle these pressure points is crucial for protecting your intimacy during this difficult phase of life.

How to Balance Elder Care and Your Marriage

Proactively Communicate Your Needs and Concerns

Changing family dynamics require honest discussions about fears, expectations, and limitations. Frequently checking in helps identify issues early before problems intensify. Share activity ideas that nourish intimacy despite busy caregiving schedules.

Support Each Other and Share the Load

View challenges as something to tackle together rather than critique your partners choices. Offer frequent encouragement and jump into tasks like respite care or housework when possible. Working as a unified care team reduces resentment.

Establish Healthy Boundaries with Your In-Laws

Compassion has its place, but dont forfeit every personal need in favor of relatives' demands. Set reasonable boundaries regarding financial assistance and home visits to manage conflicts and exhaustion.

Seek Help from Other Family or Professionals

No couple can do everything alone indefinitely. Enlisting local home health services, adult caregiver networks and capable family lets you take occasional well-deserved breaks. Outsource what you can to ease strain.

Stay Intimate through Quality Time and Affection

Efforts like showing daily affection, laughter and sincere compliments keep emotional bonds thriving amid the chaos. Prioritize regular one-on-one dates, even just short walks together, to reconnect joyfully.

Coping with Specific Challenges of In-Law Caregiving

Handling Disagreements About Care

Clashing perspectives on medical choices, living situations, expenses and family disputes are common. Compromise when possible, but set relationship preservation as the priority if conflicts intensify. Professional mediation helps disputing relatives cooperate.

Getting Respite from Constant Demands

The pressures of round-the-clock caregiving and family tensions often feel unrelenting. Make time for self-care activities like counseling, exercise, massages or hobbies that provide joy. Its not selfishness - saving your mental health saves your marriage!

Dealing with Financial Strain

Explore senior housing discounts like Medicaid, area agencies on aging, veterans benefits or long term care insurance that could ease monetary burdens. Set financial boundaries even with relatives. Protect your own retirement funds so caregiving impacts dont extend beyond this season.

When Is it Time to Make Larger Changes?

Despite best efforts, some couples reach an impasse where separations or difficult decisions become necessary for the health of the marriage.

In-Home Care Reaching Unsustainable Levels

When caregiving duties exceed a couples physical and emotional capacity despite added supports, it may be time to consider skilled nursing facilities. Touring options may ease tough transitions about what level of care is realistic long-term.

Damage to the Relationship Reaching Crisis Level

Occasional conflict is expected, but frequent destructive fights that fail to resolve may signal a need for intensive marriage counseling or temporary separations. Salvaging intimacy requires a timeout from existing tensions.

Caregiver Burnout Jeopardizing Wellbeing

Spousal caregivers near exhaustion from unrelenting demands often battle depression, anxiety and chronic health conditions. Prioritize self-care supports like therapy, respite providers, medical leave from work, or moving relatives into alternate housing until the spouse recovers.

While incredibly difficult, setting emotional and physical boundaries ultimately allows you to provide care more sustainably. And getting greater supports in place proactively can avoid larger crises down the road.

The Takeaway

Without diligent relationship maintenance, caring for aging in-laws often wreaks havoc on formerly stable marriages. But armed with tips like requesting help, budgeting wisely, bonding intimately and communicating needs openly helps couples preserve affection despite monumental challenges.

As alluring as it seems initially, no couple can single-handedly manage end-of-life caregiving alone forever. Creating margins along the way makes space for both caring for loved ones and caring for your marriage.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new treatment regimen.