Examining the Taken In Hand Relationship Dynamic

Examining Taken In Hand Relationships

A taken in hand relationship is a type of conscious power exchange between partners. Based on traditional gender roles, the man takes charge as leader or "head of household" while the woman surrenders control and submits to his authority. While viewed as unhealthy or extreme by some, participants feel this dynamic fosters security, love, and stability when implemented thoughtfully.

Origins and Values

The taken in hand concept originated in the early 2000s among conservative Christian wives seeking fulfilling marriages. Core values include:

• Complementarianism - Men and women have different roles and responsibilities in marriage.
• Male headship - The husband lovingly leads and the wife willingly follows.
• Marital hierarchy - The husband has the final say in decision making.
• Wifely submission - The wife yields to her husband's authority.
• Traditional gender norms - The couple adheres to masculine and feminine social expectations.

Common Practices

Common practices in taken in hand relationships include:

• The husband has decision-making authority and responsibly bears the burden of final say.
• The wife communicates her opinions but ultimately yields to her husband's judgement.
• The husband provides guidance, protection, and loving leadership.
• The wife submits to her husband's authority and direction.
• Discipline measures reinforce the hierarchy, like gentle scolding or spanking.
• The husband manages household finances and makes major purchases.
• The wife focuses on domestic duties like childcare, cooking, cleaning.

Benefits for Participants

Those choosing a taken in hand relationship feel it provides:

• Security - The firmly defined structure creates comfort and stability.
• Clarity - Each partner understands their role and responsibilities.
• Shared purpose - The couple unites around common values and life vision.
• Relief from pressure - The husband bears the weight of being head of household.
• Freedom from choice - The wife finds liberation in surrendering decisions to her husband.

Examining Concerns with Taken In Hand Relationships

While beneficial for consenting adults, taken in hand relationships raise concerns, including:

Imbalance of Power

The severe power imbalance favors the man's authority and strips the woman of autonomy. This is considered unhealthy relationship dynamic by many experts.

Suppression of Female Voice

The woman's opinions and desires are relegated below the man's. This can silence and diminish the female voice.

Gender Stereotyping

Strict traditional gender roles pigeonhole both partners based on outdated norms. This stifles individual growth and expression.

Financial Control

Granting the husband sole control of family finances risks the woman's economic autonomy and security.

Normalized Punishment

Acceptance of punishment like spanking risks normalizing intimate partner violence and physical discipline of children.

Difficulty Ending Relationship

The wife's financial dependence and isolation from decision-making can trap her in an unhappy relationship. Exit plans are wise.

Potential for Abuse

The lopsided dynamic provides opportunity for a manipulative or unethical man to exploit his wife's submission.

Safety Considerations for a Taken In Hand Relationship

Those entering into a taken in hand relationship should consider:

Vet Potential Partners Thoroughly

Take time getting to know someone before granting them authority. Look for genuine respect, kindness, integrity, and emotional intelligence in a prospective partner.

Move Slowly

Build submission gradually over months/years. Quickly plunging into an extreme power dynamic risks dangerous psychological impacts.

Maintain Financial Independence

Keep assets separate and maintain the ability to support yourself. Don't lose access to marital assets or household financial decisions.

Preserve External Support System

Don't become isolated from family and friends. Keep relationships that provide outside perspective.

Agree On Limits

Discuss boundaries upfront. Be aware of any sexual, physical, emotional limits and prohibitions.

Develop a Safe Word

Having a safe word allows either partner to immediately pause any activity that's uncomfortable or pushes a boundary.

Seek Couples Counseling

Work with a therapist to address any relationship issues, improve communication, and maintain a healthy dynamic.

Are Taken In Hand Relationships Abusive?

When consensual, taken in hand relationships shouldn't be considered abusive. However, they can become unhealthy, toxic or abusive in certain situations:

• One partner does not fully consent to the unequal dynamic.
• The submission is coerced through threats, violence, manipulation, or blackmail.
• The woman becomes financially dependent or cut off from external relationships.
• The man becomes controlling, manipulative or punishes in unacceptable ways.
• The woman feels trapped, fearful, or suppressed from expressing her needs.
• The relationship violates pre-agreed boundaries or limits.
• One partner's well-being suffers from the relationship.

Partners should check in regularly and honestly share any concerns. Seek help from a therapist or domestic violence resources if needed.

Making a Taken In Hand Relationship Work

For those pursuing a taken in hand dynamic healthily and consensually, tips include:

Check In Regularly

Partners should share feelings often. Evaluate if any changes are needed.

Don't Ignore Red Flags

Address problems like possessiveness, anger issues, dishonesty. Don't rationalize bad behaviors.

Respect Each Other's Roles

The husband leads with humility, the wife submits willingly. Don't allow resentment to build.

Reinforce the Relationship

Use rituals, protocols, or symbolic gestures that affirm the roles and connection.

Make Time for Open Communication

Maintain the wife's voice by scheduling unstructured time she can freely express herself.

Prioritize Intimacy and Affection

Emotional and physical intimacy solidifies the bond outside roles.

Accommodate Each Other's Needs

Compromise when necessary to adapt the dynamic in a fulfilling way over time.

Seeking a Healthy Power Exchange

When consensually implemented, a taken in hand relationship can foster security for both partners willing to embrace traditional gender roles and power exchange. However, an unhealthy imbalance risks emotional or physical harm. Consent, self-awareness and open communication determine whether this unconventional dynamic nourishes or damages a relationship.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new treatment regimen.