How Untreated OCD Can Lead to Abusive Behavior in Marriage

Understanding How OCD Can Lead to Abusive Behavior in Marriage

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a mental health condition that causes intrusive, anxiety-inducing thoughts and repetitive behaviors. When severe OCD goes untreated, it can negatively impact marriages and sometimes escalate into spousal abuse. Learning more about OCD and how to compassionately support a spouse with this disorder is key to maintaining a healthy relationship.

What is OCD?

OCD is characterized by obsessive thoughts and compulsive rituals that consume significant time and interfere with daily functioning. Some common obsessions include:

• Fear of contamination/germs
• Need for order/symmetry
• Intrusive violent/taboo thoughts
• Fixation on superstitions

Compulsions are repetitive acts that temporarily alleviate the anxiety caused by obsessions. Examples include excessive cleaning, arranging/ordering, mental rituals, and checking.

OCD causes intense distress and takes up over an hour per day for many sufferers. It is sometimes misconceived as being about perfectionism or cleanliness, but obsessions and compulsions can cover a wide range of themes.

OCD Risk Factors

The exact causes of OCD are still being researched, but these factors are believed to increase risk:

• Genetics
• Abnormal brain structure/functioning
• Environmental stressors
• Traumatic life events
• Streptococcal infections

OCD often develops in childhood/adolescence but can manifest at any age. It affects approximately 1% of adults, with rates being similar among men and women.

Signs of OCD in Marriage

When one spouse has OCD, it can strain the marriage. The obsessive thoughts and compulsive rituals dominate the sufferer's life and time. A partner may feel neglected, grow resentful of accommodating compulsions, and become withdrawn. Recognizing OCD symptoms is the first step to getting treatment and support.

Signs of OCD in marriage to look for include:

Compulsive Cleaning

Excessive cleaning that takes up large chunks of time, uses huge amounts of cleaning products, and follows rigid rules. The sufferer cannot relax until everything meets their internal standard of cleanliness.

Hoarding

Inability to discard possessions due to an obsessive need to save items. Hoarding causes clutter that takes over living spaces and may pose safety risks.

Checking

Repeatedly checking doors, locks, appliances, etc to ease anxiety something is wrong, even when logically aware it is fine. Checking rituals provide temporary relief.

Need for Order

Arranging and ordering items in meticulous, precise ways to ease anxiety. Any disruption in the order causes extreme stress.

Contamination Fears

Obsessive fear of germs or toxins leading to excessive hand washing, showering, cleaning laundry, avoiding physical contact or "contaminated" spaces, etc.

Mental Rituals

Repeating phrases, counting, praying excessively, or engaging in superstitious rituals to alleviate obsessive thoughts.

Skin Picking

Excoriation disorder, or skin picking, can sometimes manifest as a compulsive behavior. The sufferer obsessively picks at skin on their face, arms, scalp, etc.

How OCD Can Lead to Abusive Behavior

The nature of OCD makes managing relationships difficult. When severe OCD goes untreated, abusive behavior can occur in marriage. Common issues include:

Controlling Behavior

A spouse with OCD may try to control their partner to ease their own anxiety. This includes forcing the partner to accommodate rituals or obsessive demands.

Rigid Rules

The OCD sufferer institutes strict rules about cleaning, organizing, schedules, etc. that the partner must adhere to ease their distress. Refusal to comply often leads to conflict.

Isolation

Avoiding social situations due to embarrassment or discomfort, or isolating the partner from outside support. This enables further controlling behavior.

Criticism/Blaming

Criticizing the partner for not accommodating demands or blaming them for increasing distress. Undermines the partner's self-esteem over time.

Gaslighting

Denial, justification, and distortion of reality related to obsessive behavior. Makes the partner question their own judgment/perception.

Verbal/Emotional Abuse

Belittling, insulting, threatening, intimidating, and other verbal/emotional attacks. Often used to force compliance with obsessive demands.

Financial Control

Complete control of household finances or restricting access. May occur secondary to a hoarding compulsion.

These behaviors can undermine the relationship and the non-OCD spouse's wellbeing over time. Getting the OCD under control is crucial.

Helping a Spouse with OCD

If you suspect your spouse has undiagnosed or uncontrolled OCD, here are some tips:

Talk Openly

Have an open, compassionate talk about your concerns and how their behavior affects you and the relationship. Don't shame them, but explain your feelings.

Suggest Evaluation

Recommend they talk to a doctor or mental health professional. A proper evaluation is needed for diagnosis and treatment planning.

Find Support

Encourage joining a support group to connect with others managing OCD. Individual or couples therapy can also help.

Set Boundaries

Decide what controlling behaviors you will no longer tolerate or accommodate. Clearly communicate these boundaries.

Take Space

If needed, temporarily stay with family/friends or ask your spouse to stay elsewhere until treatment begins and abusive behaviors cease.

Avoid Enabling

Helping with rituals or making excessive accommodations can enable worsening OCD. Gently challenge demands when able.

The goal is getting your spouse proper care while protecting yourself from harm. Leaving the situation may be necessary if they refuse help or abuse escalates despite treatment.

OCD Treatment Options

These evidence-based treatments can help OCD sufferers manage symptoms:

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

CBT teaches coping techniques like exposure response prevention to face fears, stop rituals, and retrain thinking patterns.

Medications

Antidepressants like SSRIs (Prozac, Zoloft) and SNRIs (Cymbalta, Effexor) are effective for reducing OCD symptoms.

Deep Brain Stimulation

DBS involves surgically implanting electrodes to stimulate areas of the brain involved in OCD. Used in severe, treatment-resistant cases.

Online Therapy

Apps like NOCD provide online CBT with therapists via text, phone, and video to make help accessible.

A combination of therapy and medication is often most effective. Support groups can also aid recovery.

Building a Healthier Marriage

With proper OCD treatment and spousal support, maintaining a strong marriage is possible. Ways to cultivate a healthy relationship include:

Couples Counseling

Joint counseling helps you understand each other's experiences, improves communication, and prevents relationship damage.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new treatment regimen.