Why I Quit Being A Resident Advisor (RA) In College Dorms

Why I Quit Being A Resident Advisor (RA)

Being a resident advisor (RA) in college dorms can seem like an exciting opportunity at first. You get free room and board, a chance to mentor other students, and play a leadership role on campus. However, the reality often doesn't live up to expectations. The job involves long hours, high stress, and demanding responsibilities that take a toll. Here's my story of why I ultimately decided to quit being an RA before completing my term.

What Does a Resident Advisor Do?

Let me start by explaining the typical duties of an RA. Responsibilities can vary by school, but usually include:

• Building relationships and community with residents
• Planning social and educational events for the dorm
• Assisting students with academic, emotional, and personal issues
• Mediating interpersonal conflicts between residents
• Enforcing dorm rules and policies around noise, guests, drugs/alcohol etc.
• Performing administrative tasks like paperwork and conduct meetings
• Being "on duty" nights and weekends to respond to emergencies
• Attending regular staff meetings and trainings

It's a big job with a lot of different responsibilities. Although you get room and board covered, most schools only pay a small stipend each semester or quarter. You are expected to work long hours with a high level of commitment.

Why I Became an RA

I chose to apply to be an RA during my sophomore year of college. I thought it would be a cool position to hold and looked good on a resume. Here were some of my motivations:

• I wanted to get free housing - this was a big financial help for me.
• I liked the idea of arranging fun events and activities for students.
• I thought it would look impressive on grad school applications.
• I wanted to challenge and push myself into a leadership role.
• I hoped to make close friends with the other RAs.

In hindsight, some of my reasons were a bit naive. But at the time, I thought I was signing up for an adventure that would let me make new friends and connections.

The Difficult Adjustment Period

I'll admit the beginning was very exciting. Move-in day was chaotic but fun as we welcomed bright-eyed freshmen ready to start college. During our RA training, I bonded quickly with the other new hires as we participated in team-building activities and mock scenarios. We felt ready to take on our new roles guiding and supporting the residents.

However, the transition was more difficult than I expected. The training tried to prepare us, but real-life issues were more complex and draining. Within the first few weeks, I was already losing sleep trying to balance my own schoolwork with being constantly available to help stressed-out freshmen.

Feeling Overwhelmed by the Time Commitment

My biggest struggle was how ridiculously time-consuming the RA job became. I knew signing up that it would require a substantial commitment. But I didn't realize just how demanding the responsibilities would be.

I was expected to attend weekly staff meetings that often dragged on for 2-3 hours. There was mounds of paperwork that kept me in the office for hours. Planning events and bulletin boards for my residents took up entire weekends. I had to schedule one-on-one meetings with each freshman I oversaw. And I was on duty 2-3 nights a week which meant sacrificing my own social life.

Between RA tasks, attending classes, and finding time to study, I had virtually no time for myself. I started getting sick a lot because I was rundown and stressed. The time demands exceeded anything I was warned about in training. My grades also began slipping because I constantly had to sacrifice studying to handle RA emergencies.

The Emotional Toll of Non-Stop Student Crises

In addition to the heavy time commitment, I was not prepared for the emotional toll of handling back-to-back student emergencies. As RAs, we were the frontline for any issue residents faced 24/7. Within a few short weeks, I had mediated countless roommate arguments, busted underage drinking parties, referred three students to counseling for anxiety/depression, and responded to a resident who attempted suicide.

The suicide attempt especially left me shaken and unable to focus on my own schoolwork. We received training on responding to mental health crises, but directly experiencing it was more traumatizing than I imagined. I had a resident's life in my hands - a terrifying responsibility for a 20 year old still figuring myself out.

By October, I was burned out and battling depression from absorbing the nonstop chaos of the dorm. I never signed up to be a pseudo-therapist, yet it was a regular part of the job. The emotional weight on RAs is heavy and overlooked.

Lack of Support and Resources

Considering how psychologically demanding the RA role is, I was disappointed by the lack of support provided by the university. We had an RA advisor who seemed more focused on discipline than actually supporting our mental health. The mandatory counselor referral process for struggling students felt cold and ineffective.

If I needed time off to recharge, I had to find another RA willing to cover all my responsibilities - a huge imposition on my coworkers already spread thin. Any sign of "weakness" was frowned upon instead of met with understanding. The administration treated us like inexhaustible resources.

I often felt guilty taking time for myself when residents were dependent on me being available at all hours. School counselors had 2 week waiting lists, so my own needs got put on the backburner. I realized no one was looking out for the mental wellbeing of the RAs.

Losing Touch with My Own College Experience

Being an RA soon dominated my entire college experience in an unhealthy way. I missed out on spending time with friends because I was constantly working. I had to keep my door open for residents, giving up any sense of privacy. I couldn't have a bad day or just take time to reset because residents relied on my emotional support.

Group hangouts with other RAs were mostly spent venting about our high-stress roles. I rarely got to enjoy just being a normal student. I couldn't remember the last time I went to a campus party or football game. My only interactions were with freshmen in the residence hall.

I felt like I lived at work instead of experiencing college life. I was missing out on finding my own social circles and interests outside the RA bubble. My entire identity became wrapped up in being the person residents depended on.

Making the Difficult Decision to Quit

By November of the fall semester, I was experiencing daily migraines, mental fog, and dreading any time spent in the residence hall. I broke down crying weekly from stress. My own friendships and academics were suffering badly. I wasn't taking care of my basic needs like eating and sleeping regular hours.

I knew something had to change for the sake of my mental and physical health. So I made the difficult choice to resign from my RA position before finishing the full year. Quitting felt like a personal failure, but deep down I knew I needed to get my own life back.

My supervisor was understanding, but the transition process added more stress in the short term. I had to pack up my belongings and turn in my building keys immediately. It felt sad closing that chapter and letting residents down. But once I moved home and caught up on sleep, I started feeling relief.

Life After Being an RA

After quitting, it took time to process just how burned out I became in less than 3 months as an RA. I neglected my own needs to the point of complete exhaustion. I went from being an enthusiastic leader to a depleted shell of a human.

But leaving also reminded me how much life I had left to experience in college. I reconnected with old friends who were happy to see me again. My grades improved dramatically without the constant RA distractions. I could enjoy hobbies and relax in the evenings like a normal student.

The following year, I moved off-campus with friends - the best decision ever. I still saw former residents around campus who said I was

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new treatment regimen.