Reasons Couples Seek Professional Marriage Counseling Help

Common Reasons Couples Seek Marriage Counseling

Marriage counseling can help couples work through a variety of issues in their relationship. While every couple's situation is unique, there are some common challenges that often lead partners to seek professional guidance. Understanding the typical reasons couples enter marriage counseling can help you assess whether it may be beneficial for your own relationship.

Communication Problems

One of the most ubiquitous relationship problems that marriage counselors treat is communication challenges between partners. Poor communication makes it difficult for couples to understand each other's point of view, express their own feelings and needs, and work together to solve problems.

Common communication issues that drive couples to marriage counseling include:

• Lack of openness and honesty
• Failure to listen to each other
• Stonewalling and withdrawing during conflict
• Letting small issues escalate into major fights
• Resorting to insults and criticism during disagreements
• Assuming negative intentions behind a partner's words or actions

A counselor can teach tactics to improve communication such as active listening, speaking thoughtfully, arguing constructively, and understanding each other's communication styles.

Intimacy Problems

Physical and emotional intimacy issues also frequently lead couples to marriage counseling. Partners may struggle with:

• Differing sex drives
• Trouble connecting intimately and affectionately
• Loss of passion and chemistry in the relationship
• Feeling distant from each other

A counselor can help identify barriers to intimacy, teach techniques to increase closeness, promote understanding regarding needs and differences, and give guidance specifically on enhancing the couple's sex life.

Lack of Trust

When loyalty, dependability, and faith in a partner falters, couples often seek counseling to rebuild broken trust. Common trust issues include:

• Infidelity such as emotional affairs or cheating
• Patterns of dishonesty such as hiding spending or lying about activities
• Breaking major promises and commitments
• Possessiveness and excessive jealousy
• Suspicions about a partner's fidelity

Regaining trust requires understanding why it diminished, taking responsibility for betrayals of trust, becoming transparent, allowing your partner to verify you are trustworthy again over time, and learning to forgive.

Unresolved Arguments and Conflict

It's normal for all couples to disagree and fight sometimes. But when partners remain locked in longstanding conflicts that never get resolved, the relationship suffers greatly over time. Common unresolved arguments couple take to marriage counseling include:

• Money and financial issues
• Parenting disagreements
• Anger and resentment that lingers for years
• The same fights happening again and again
• Irreconcilable differences around core values or priorities

Marriage counseling equips couples to argue constructively, get to the heart of their differences, find win-win compromises, respect each other despite disagreements, fight fairly without insults, and resolve longstanding resentment.

When Should a Couple Consider Marriage Counseling?

Many couples only reach out for professional help when their relationship is already near a breaking point after years of difficulty. However, marriage counseling can also greatly benefit couples who are struggling with less severe issues if they seek help early on.

Signs It's a Good Time for Marriage Counseling

Consider starting marriage counseling when you notice these types of problems arising in your relationship:

• Your arguments are lasting longer or happening more frequently
• Issues you thought you resolved start coming up again repetitively
• You or your partner start disengaging from each other to avoid conflict
• You notice your sex life decreasing notably
• Minor annoyances seem to provoke intense fights
• You find yourself doubting whether your relationship will last
• You catch yourself thinking your partner isn't who you thought they were
• You feel like roommates more than romantic partners

The earlier you seek help for issues, the more easily a skilled marriage counselor can help get your relationship back on track.

Signs You Need Marriage Counseling Right Away

However, some severe situations require immediately enlisting professional support. Seek help without delay if you and your partner experience:

• Physical violence in your relationship
• Verbal abuse, threats, intimidation
• Substance abuse issues
• Infidelity like emotional affairs or cheating
• One partner threatening divorce or separation
• Major mental health concerns like depression or anxiety

While getting marriage counseling during intense crisis can still help, it may focus more on deciding whether to continue the relationship or ending it in as constructive a way as possible. But in cases of domestic violence, intensive substance issues, or mental illness, the counselor may first refer you or your partner for specialized treatment before providing couples therapy.

What to Expect in Marriage Counseling

Wondering what going to marriage counseling entails? In your first session, the counselor will likely ask about your relationship history, what brings you there now, your goals, and background that may help explain dynamics between you. In future visits, you'll identify issues to focus on and learn techniques to communicate better, argue healthier, increase intimacy, and more based on your situations.

Formats for Marriage Counseling

Marriage counseling can take place:

• Individually: Meeting one-on-one with a therapist to identify your own contributions to the relationship problems and how to become a better partner.
• As a Couple: Seeing a counselor together so you can have difficult conversations in a safe environment, learn to communicate face-to-face, and resolve conflicts with professional guidance.
• In Groups: Taking classes and workshops with other couples to normalize issues, avoid feeling singled out, and learn from others' experiences.
• Online: Using video conferencing tools for virtual counseling sessions if an accessible local provider isn't available.

Formats can also blend together, such as having some individual plus some joint sessions. Online marriage counseling has become especially popular with professional therapists easily accessible remotely.

Common Approaches and Techniques Used

Marriage counselors use a variety of evidence-based approaches in helping couples. Different counselors have different guiding frameworks, but they may employ techniques that include:

• The Gottman Method: Based on decades of research on happy couples, focusing on friendship, intimacy, respect, positive communication, managing conflict, and more.
• Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): Draws on attachment theory to expand how couples connect emotionally and respond to each other's needs.
• Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Identifies irrational assumptions damaging the relationship and converts negative thought patterns into constructive ones.
• Exercises and Homework: Practicing communication strategies, intimacy building activities, worksheets identifying needs and fears, and more between sessions.

Approaches combine research and clinical experience on strengthening relationships with tailored guidance to address each couple's unique dynamics and challenges.

How Long Are Sessions and Length of Treatment

Initial marriage counseling assessments often last about 60-90 minutes. Ongoing sessions range from 30-60 minutes weekly or biweekly. Brief, solution-focused counseling may last just 6-8 sessions, while longstanding issues may take 6 months to a year or more of support.

Finding an accessible provider you and your partner feel comfortable opening up to is essential. While challenging emotions often surface working through relationship struggles, most couples overall feel deep relief - even if they ultimately separate. A good marriage counselor equips you to either restore or healthily end your relationship with new understanding and communication skills benefiting all future partnerships.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new treatment regimen.