Why You Want Your Ex Back and How to Move Forward After a Breakup

Understanding Why You Still Want Your Ex Back

It's completely normal to still have strong feelings for an ex after a breakup. Even when ending the relationship was the right decision, you likely miss their companionship and the way things used to be. Feelings this intense can leave you wondering "why do I want him so bad?"

There are several common reasons you may be longing for your ex again after splitting up. Recognizing what's driving these urges is the first step in starting to heal and move forward.

You Miss the Companionship

A breakup leaves a void where your ex's companionship used to be. You miss having someone to share your daily experiences with, get advice from, laugh with, and simply feel connected to.

It's natural to crave for your ex to fill that emptiness, even if you know logically that getting back together isn't the right choice. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of that companionship after the split.

You're Accustomed to Their Presence

After being with your ex for a period of time, having them constantly around just became part of your normal, daily life. Losing their presence in your regular routine leaves you feeling off balance.

You want that familiar presence back again. Understand this urge lessens over time as you adapt to your ex no longer being part of your routine.

You Miss Physical Intimacy

Physical touch and intimacy with a partner meets important emotional needs. It's natural to crave that physical connection again after losing it, even if you were the one to end things.

Allow yourself time to adjust to no longer having physical closeness with your ex. Seek out other forms of affection from loved ones as you heal.

You Feel Lonely

The sheer loneliness following a breakup can leave you longing for your ex's company again, just to have someone fill that void. Loneliness is often most acute at night or during activities you used to do together.

Understand this intense loneliness lessens as you start filling your time with other fulfilling activities and people again.

You Lost Emotional Support

Your ex likely served as an important source of emotional support that you now find yourself missing. You want that person to confide in and listen to your problems again.

Lean on close friends and family for emotional support as you transition into coping without your ex as your go-to confidante.

You Crave the Familiar

People often gravitate towards what is comfortable and familiar when faced with loss and uncertainty. Wanting your ex back can represent clinging to the familiar versus facing the unknowns of being single.

Although uncomfortable initially, allowing yourself to embrace new experiences will expand your comfort zone over time.

You Have Unresolved Feelings

Lingering romantic feelings or a lack of closure can fuel urges to reconnect with an ex. If love or certain issues remained unresolved, it feels tempting to reach out.

Process these feelings through writing, talking with friends, or even therapy if needed. Find emotional closure on your own terms.

You Idealize Them

People tend to remember the positive aspects of past partners and gloss over the negatives. This can lead to idealizing an ex after a breakup.

Counter this by actively remembering their flaws and incompatibilities as well. Maintain a balanced view.

You're Afraid to Be Alone

The prospect of being single or starting over in dating can be daunting. Wanting your ex back may represent a fear of being alone more than a desire to be with them specifically.

Embrace this period of being single as an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. Building your confidence makes the idea less intimidating.

Coping When You Want Your Ex Back

Give yourself compassion as you deal with longing for your ex again after breaking up. Here are some healthy coping strategies:

Cut Off Contact

Seeing your ex's social media posts or communicating keeps reopening emotional wounds. Remove them from your contacts and unfollow their accounts.

Resist any urge to check in on them online. This inhibits your ability to move forward.

Express Your Feelings

Keep a journal where you can write out all your thoughts and emotions related to your ex. Putting these feelings down on paper can help you process them.

Lean Into Your Support System

Spend more time than usual with close friends and family after the breakup. Their company and support helps ease feelings of loneliness and grief.

Avoid Isolating

It may be tempting to isolate yourself and withdraw from others. But this tends to make feelings of loss even more acute.

Push yourself to still get out, socialize, and partake in activities even when it's hard. This helps the time pass more quickly.

Stay Busy

Fill your schedule with activities and obligations, especially at times you used to spend with your ex. Staying busy leaves less time to dwell on missing them.

Pick Up Old Hobbies

Reconnecting with hobbies you enjoy that may have fallen by the wayside during the relationship is uplifting. Make time for these again.

Try New Activities

Sign up for a class or club focused on an activity you've been wanting to explore. Distract yourself by diving into new experiences.

Make Fitness Goals

Channel your emotions into starting a new workout routine or training for a race. Exercising boosts mood naturally.

Lean Into Work

Dive into projects or responsibilities at work you're passionate about. Let your job provide motivation and a sense of meaning.

Practice Self-Care

Ensure you're still taking care of your basic needs like eating well, exercising, and getting sufficient sleep in this transition period.

Enlist a Therapist

If feelings of grief or longing don't start to subside over time, consider seeing a therapist. They can help you work through barriers to healing.

Learning to Let Go of Your Ex

Allowing yourself to fully let go of an ex you still have feelings for is challenging. But it's essential for your well-being in the long run. Here are tips to help with letting go:

Remove Reminders

Put away belongings, photos or other reminders of your ex if they trigger longing or sadness. Out of sight can lead to gradually out of mind.

Accept Your New Reality

Fully acknowledge to yourself that the relationship has ended and your ex is no longer part of your life. Letting this sink in helps you start accepting it emotionally.

Forgive Your Ex and Yourself

Harboring resentment or placing blame for the breakup only causes more hurt. Work on forgiveness, both for your ex and for any of your own relationship mistakes.

Visualize Life Without Them

Regularly picture your future life with your ex removed from it. This replaces longing thoughts with forward thinking.

Recall Why It Ended

When missing your ex, bring to mind the issues, incompatibilities and reasons that led to the breakup. This grounds you in reality.

Draft a Goodbye Letter

Writing a letter with your final parting thoughts to your ex can provide closure, even if you don't send it. Express yourself fully then let it go.

Focus on Self-Growth

Spend time identifying lessons you learned from the relationship about yourself and what you truly want moving forward. Invest in your personal growth.

Embrace Gratitude

When pining for the past, redirect your mind to what you feel grateful for in the present. This pulls you out of regret mode.

Using Time Apart From Your Ex

Putting physical and emotional distance between you and your ex for a substantial period of time is key for getting over wanting them back. Here are tips on utilizing time apart:

Go at Least 30 Days No Contact

Challenge yourself to cut off all communication with your ex for a minimum of 30 days post-breakup. This allows space for initial grief to start subsiding.

Avoid Mutual Friends Temporarily

Ask mutual friends for some space while you process the breakup. Seeing them may inadvertently provide information about or reminders of your ex.

Limit Social Media Use

Take a partial break from browsing social media, especially sites your ex uses frequently. This reduces chances you'll see triggering updates involving them.

Travel or Try Something New

Shake up your environment by taking a trip somewhere new or picking up a new hobby. Novel experiences help redirect your focus.

Make New Social Connections

Pursue new friendships through places like classes, clubs, volunteer work or social events. Broadening your social network aids healing.

Wait Before Dating Again

Give yourself ample time to process the breakup before trying to start a new relationship. Moving on too quickly can prolong emotional recovery.

Let Milestones Pass

Allow significant milestones like birthdays, holidays and anniversaries to occur once without your ex. The first time is hardest, then it gets easier.

When Getting Back Together Might Work

In some circumstances, reuniting post-breakup can be successful. But proceed cautiously and thoughtfully if you consider trying again.

The Issues Leading to Split Have Changed

If external, situational factors like job stress, family demands or health problems triggered the breakup but have now stabilized, reconciliation may work.

Changes Have Occurred

Genuine personal growth, maturity or changes in your lifestyles corrected the problems. This indicates readiness to try again.

You've Both Moved On

If you've emotionally detached and found fulfillment independently, revisiting the relationship with a fresh start is healthier.

It's Been at Least 6 Months

Sufficient time has passed for space, perspective and clarity. Quick turnarounds rarely end well long-term.

Couples Counseling Happens

Seek professional help to uncover root issues and learn tools before reuniting. Don't just slide back into old habits.

Taking time to ensure the issues are truly resolved first makes reconciliation more viable.

When Getting Back Together Is Unwise

However, getting back together is unlikely to work well if:

Core Differences Remain

You still have major differences in values, lifestyles or priorities with no compromise in sight.

Trust Is Broken

Infidelity or repeated lying has caused trust between you to be fractured beyond repair.

Toxic Patterns Persist

You both revert right back to harmful communication styles, resentment and other toxic relationship patterns.

One Person Is More Invested

You want to reconcile more than your ex does. Mutual desire to make it work is essential.

External Pressures Are Forcing It

Getting back together seems motivated by pressures like finances, loneliness or sex versus true compatibility.

Without adequate self-work, large foundational issues are likely to resurface again quickly.

Seeking Closure to Move Forward

Obtaining a sense of emotional closure enables letting go of wanting your ex back. Try these strategies if you need closure:

Communicate About What Went Wrong

Have an honest dialogue about what you both think went wrong and lessons learned. Keep it constructive.

Acknowledge the Positive Aspects Too

While discussing mistakes, also share what you appreciated and valued in one another. End on a gracious note.

Return Any Remaining Items

Exchange any last belongings the other person left behind. Remove these physical reminders.

Delete Old Texts and Photos

Rereading old messages or looking at couple pictures makes moving on harder. Purge these from your devices and accounts.

Have a Ritualized Last Goodbye

Some find closure in a symbolic last goodbye like sharing a final meal or hug before going separate ways.

Forgive Each Other

Verbalizing forgiveness for hurts and mistakes provides closure. Wish each other well in life beyond the relationship.

Closure loosens the grip of the past so you can open your heart to the future again.

When You Should Seek Professional Help

It's reasonable to feel sad and miss your ex initially post-breakup. But if you're still pining for them months later, therapy could be beneficial.

Signs it's time to seek counseling include:

• Inability to perform daily responsibilities
• Withdrawn behavior or isolation
• Loss of interest in activities you normally enjoy
• Appetite and sleep disturbances
• Intrusive thoughts about your ex
• Feelings of hopelessness about the future

A therapist can diagnose if you're struggling with depression or anxiety related to the breakup. They also provide tools to help you start healing.

Using a Breakup as a Growth Opportunity

Although it may not feel like it in the moment, breakups often serve as catalysts for tremendous personal growth. Here's how to frame a split as a growth experience:

Identify Your Core Values

Determine what your core values are and yourmust haves in a compatible partner. This gives you clarity for future relationships.

Get Clear on Relationship Needs

Reflect on your fundamental emotional needs and your deal breakers regarding behavior. This enables better partner selection moving forward.

Set New Goals

Pursue personal goals you've been putting off like career advancement, physical fitness or learning new skills. Let this propel self-improvement.

Expand Your Social Horizon

Say yes to any invitations and introduce yourself to new people. Broaden your social network outside of the relationship.

Indulge Your Independence

Take yourself on solo dates like restaurant meals, museum trips or weekend getaways. Embrace doing activities independently.

Reignite Old Passions

Revisit hobbies and interests you've neglected. Use this as an opportunity to rediscover passions.

Increase Self-Confidence

Boost self-esteem by updating your look, taking on challenges or setting fitness goals. Feel pride in your growth.

Leveraging a breakup as motivation propels your personal evolution. You emerge wiser and more self-assured.

Moving Forward After Wanting Your Ex Back

Allowing yourself time to work through why you want your ex back is essential for healing. Be patient through ups and downs

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new treatment regimen.