10 Things Not to Say in 2022
The words we use matter. In 2022, being mindful of the language we use in everyday conversations is more important than ever. Certain phrases or terms that were commonly accepted in the past may now come across as insensitive or offensive to others.
By being aware of some key things not to say, we can avoid causing unintended harm with our words. Here are 10 common statements that are best avoided in conversations this year:
1. Thats So Gay
Using the word gay as a negative descriptor or to mean stupid or lame is hurtful to the LGBTQ+ community. Find more inclusive language that doesnt degrade others.
2. You Dont Look Disabled
Never make assumptions about someones health or abilities based on their outward appearance. Not all disabilities are visible, so this phrase invalidates peoples lived experiences.
3. I Dont See Color
Saying you dont notice someones race ignores the realities of their lived experiences as a person of color. Respectfully acknowledge diversity instead of dismissing it.
4. All Lives Matter
This phrase minimizes the Black Lives Matter movement and its message that systemic racism disproportionately targets the Black community. All lives cant matter until Black lives matter.
5. Wow, You Look So Exotic
Calling someone exotic is dehumanizing and objectifying. Compliment people without mentioning race or ethnicity at all.
6. Youre Overly Sensitive
Dismissing someones emotional response with this phrase invalidates their feelings. Instead, listen and seek to understand their perspective.
7. Boys Will Be Boys
This phrase normalizes toxic masculinity and harmful behavior in young males. Hold boys and men alike accountable for inappropriate actions.
8. Ladies First
Though intended to be polite, this assumes women need special treatment. Equality means allowing anyone to go first without regard to gender.
9. Stop Acting Like a Girl
Associating being emotional, weak or dramatic with being feminine perpetuates gender stereotypes. Let people express the full range of human emotion.
10. Speak English, Youre in America
There is no official language of the U.S., and speaking languages besides English is part of our diversity. Dont attack people for embracing their native tongue.
Why Words Matter
Language evolves over time. Phrases that were once commonly used might gradually acquire hurtful connotations. Being mindful of how our words impact others demonstrates respect for people from all walks of life.
Promoting Equality and Inclusion
Certain terms can belittle groups who face frequent discrimination, like racial minorities, women, LGBTQ+ individuals and people with disabilities. Avoiding these terms promotes a more just, equitable society.
Validating People's Feelings and Experiences
Dismissive language invalidates peoples lived experiences and emotional responses. Show you take them seriously by choosing validation over invalidation.
Ending Prejudiced Attitudes
Outdated phrases contain prejudiced assumptions about gender, race, orientation and more. Modernizing our speech helps end prejudice.
Being Considerate of Others
People from marginalized communities often ask others to avoid phrases that target or hurt them. Respecting those wishes demonstrates thoughtfulness.
Setting a Good Example
How we talk sets an example, especially for children. Using thoughtful, inclusive language models positive behavior for the next generation.
Consider Context and Intent
The context around words also matters. Before deeming something offensive, consider these factors:
Who Is Speaking
If someone from the affected group uses language reclaimed from hurtful words, understand that they are attempting to take back the power of that language used against them.
Their Intent
Was the speaker intentionally trying to disparage someone, or did they unknowingly use a phrase they didn't realize could offend? Assuming good intent helps guide conversations.
Your Relationship
Close friends of marginalized groups may use certain in-group language or terms of endearment accepted within that relationship. But its wise to avoid repeating such phrases yourself.
The Setting
Using a controversial phrase while singing along at a concert differs from directing it as an attack on someone. Consider if the language fits the social setting.
Make a Sincere Apology
If you accidentally say something offensive, offer a sincere apology. Commit to avoiding the harmful phrase going forward.
10 More Positive Alternatives
Changing our everyday vocabulary to exclude hurtful phrases takes practice. Try replacing insensitive language with these more thoughtful alternatives:
1. Thats ridiculous/silly instead of Thats so gay.
2. They have a disability/condition. vs. They dont look disabled.
3. I seek to understand your experience. rather than I dont see color.
4. Black lives matter. instead of All lives matter.
5. You have beautiful features. rather than You look so exotic.
6. Help me understand your perspective. vs. Dont be so sensitive.
7. Your actions were inappropriate. instead of Boys will be boys.
8. Go ahead or After you rather than Ladies first.
9. Dont cry vs. Youre OK, let it out.
10. Can you repeat that in English for me? rather than demanding someone speak English.
Responding With Patience and Empathy
Its easy to react defensively if someone calls out language you used as problematic. Avoid escalating the situation with these tips:
Listen Without Interrupting
Let them explain why a particular term was upsetting. Hear them out before responding.
Believe Lived Experiences
Trust that marginalized groups know which phrases negatively impact them. Dont argue that they shouldnt be offended.
Admit Mistakes
If you inadvertently used an insensitive phrase, own up to it sincerely. Thank them for making you aware.
Apologize Authentically
A true apology focuses on the hurt caused rather than justifying the language. I'm sorry I said that is better than I didnt mean to offend you.
Ask Clarifying Questions
If you dont understand why something was hurtful, politely ask for help processing it. Be willing to learn.
Avoid Defensiveness
Dont get defensive or combat their concern with reasons it shouldnt be hurtful. Making excuses often worsens hurt.
Thank Them
Being corrected can be uncomfortable, but ultimately helps you become more considerate. Thank them for their patience.
Educating Yourself Further
Learning why some words carry hurtful weight now requires openness and a willingness to listen to marginalized voices. Expand your knowledge through:
Reading About Language and Equity Issues
Seek out books, articles, essays and resources created by diverse authors on building a truly inclusive society.
Following Thought Leaders
On social media, diversify your feed with voices providing thoughtful perspectives on prejudice in everyday language.
Seeking Trainings and Courses
Programs at schools, nonprofits and companies can provide impactful education on minimizing linguistic harm.
Joining Supportive Communities
Find groups focused on using respectful language and promoting diversity through Facebook, Discord, Reddit and other platforms.
Having Open Discussions
Talking openly yet non-judgmentally with friends and family from various backgrounds expands your understanding.
Keep learning, listening and being willing to change. No one expects perfection, just the commitment to grow toward more thoughtful language every day.
FAQs
Why is “That’s so gay” offensive?
Using "gay" as an insult equates being homosexual with being stupid, bad, or wrong. This demeans and marginalizes LGBTQ+ people.
What’s wrong with saying “You don’t look disabled"?
Not all disabilities are visible. This phrase wrongly assumes someone can't be disabled if they don't “look” the part, invalidating many people's realities.
Why shouldn't you say “I don’t see color”?
This denies the real impacts race has on someone's life experiences. Be respectful by acknowledging diversity instead of pretending to be “colorblind.”
Why is “All lives matter” insensitive?
It dismisses the Black Lives Matter movement and the message that systemic racism uniquely marginalizes the Black community. All lives can't matter until Black lives do.
What should you say if someone is offended by your language?
Listen without interrupting or justifying it. Sincerely apologize for the hurt caused. Thank them for making you aware and commit to avoiding the phrase going forward.
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new treatment regimen.
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