Making Long Distance Marriage Work: Tips for Successful Counseling
Maintaining a happy and healthy marriage can be challenging enough when you and your spouse live together. But when there's distance involved, it adds a whole new level of complexity. Approximately 3.75 million married couples in the U.S. are in long distance relationships, whether it's due to military deployment, jobs, or other circumstances. This separation puts strains on communication, intimacy, and the overall partnership.
If you're struggling to keep your long distance marriage strong, relationship counseling may help. Online counseling makes it convenient to get professional support no matter where you and your partner reside. Read on for tips on making long distance marriage counseling successful.
Understand the Challenges of Long Distance Marriage
First, it helps to recognize common difficulties long distance couples face so you're better prepared to handle them:
- Lack of physical intimacy - Without regular in-person contact, feelings of emotional and physical disconnect can increase.
- Communication issues - Miscommunications and assumptions occur more easily without body language and facial cues.
- Stress and loneliness - Being apart for long periods leads to increased feelings of sadness and isolation.
- Trust problems - Doubts and jealousy may arise when you can't see how your partner spends their time.
- Logistical struggles - Conflicts about where to live, combining households, and making travel plans.
Counseling provides strategies for navigating each of these obstacles in a healthy way. But both partners must be willing to communicate openly and put in effort to improve the relationship.
Find the Right Long Distance Marriage Counselor
An effective counselor for long distance couples should:
- Have training and experience specifically helping long distance couples.
- Offer video conferencing or telephonic sessions so you can participate from different locations.
- Provide support on nights, weekends, or other convenient times across time zones.
- Help you set relationship goals and make steady progress.
- Teach techniques for better communication, conflict resolution, intimacy building, and more.
Look for a licensed counselor or therapist with proven success aiding long distance and military marriages. Ask about their qualifications, therapy approach, and availability.
Have Realistic Expectations
Don't expect overnight miracles or instant resolution of all marital problems. While counseling provides many benefits, it takes time and effort to rebuild intimacy and closeness. Be patient and keep an open mind.
Come to sessions ready to listen, identify issues, and implement suggested solutions. Progress won't happen through counseling alone - you must be willing to make behavior changes as individuals and a couple.
View counseling as an investment in your marriage and future together. Don't get discouraged by minor setbacks along the way.
Schedule Regular Video or Phone Sessions
Consistent counseling is key, so schedule weekly or biweekly video chat or phone appointments. Treat sessions as high priorities and limit distractions and multitasking.
Having a set day and time helps you and your spouse stay invested in the process. Maintaining frequency also allows you to build on concepts from prior discussions.
If your schedules conflict across time zones, find a middle-ground time that works sufficiently for both of you. Or alternate earlier and later sessions.
Maximize Your Sessions
To get the most from counseling:
- Stick to the set schedule and call at the appointed times without fail.
- Make sessions private without kids or others interrupting.
- Have topics in mind to discuss but be open to the counselor's direction.
- Come prepared with updates on progress made.
- Avoid distractions and give the counselor your full attention.
- Take notes on insights gained and solutions agreed upon.
- Finish appointments on time and bid farewells till next session.
Prioritize Regular Check-Ins
Don't use your scheduled counseling sessions as your only marriage check-ins. You and your partner also need regular contact in between.
Set up daily phone calls or video chats - even if they're just quick catch-ups. Text, message, or email throughout the day sharing thoughts and feelings.
Agree on important relationship topics to discuss during these check-ins. Counseling will provide conversation starters.
Consistent contact keeps your bond strong. It also prevents anger or resentment from bottling up between sessions.
Practice Counseling Skills Together
Your counselor will teach invaluable techniques like:
- Active listening without judgment
- Expressing needs and feelings assertively not aggressively
- Giving constructive not critical feedback
- Managing conflict calmly without blaming
- Empathizing with their perspective
- Compromising to find solutions
Work on mastering these skills together through role playing. Adopt them into your regular interactions. This helps convert counseling concepts into positive habits.
Show Appreciation and Affection
In addition to addressing problems, long distance couples must reinforce the positives. Make an effort to express:
- Gratitude - Thank them for big and little things.
- Encouragement - Cheer them on as they share goals and adventures.
- Support - Offer reassurance when they have doubts or worries.
- Praise - Compliment them on traits you admire.
- Affection - Say "I love you" and use loving nicknames.
Putting more positivity into your interactions strengthens intimacy. It also reminds you both of the good you share.
Maintain Physical Intimacy
Sexual and physical contact is a vital bonding element. Explore creative intimacy solutions like:
- Imaginative phone/video sex using vivid mental images
- Flirtatious texts, sexts, selfies, and video clips
- Intimate gifts like lingerie or toys to use together remotely
- Romantic care packages with scented candles, massage oil, cologne/perfume, etc.
- Phone sex and mutual masturbation during longer separations
Schedule sex dates together via FaceTime or apps. Plan future getaways focused just on intimacy. Make your physical connection a priority through distance.
Share Your Social Lives from Afar
Missing out on involvement in each other's daily lives can breed disconnection. Combat this by:
- Meeting important people in your lives virtually
- Keeping your partner updated on news, outings, hobbies, etc.
- Making them feel included in decisions
- Sharing photos and videos that let you experience events together
Bridging the social gap this way fortifies friendship and partnership. It also avoids feeling like you're living separate lives.
Discuss Major Decisions Together
Geographical separation can tempt spouses to make unilateral choices about:
- Jobs
- Finances
- Home purchases
- Moves
- Vacations
- Kids and family
- Other big lifestyle changes
But springing significant decisions on your partner breeds resentment. Always consult each other first - don't present it as a done deal.
Make an effort to discuss priorities, weigh options, and reach compromises. Counseling aids this process.
Have a Reintegration Plan
The excitement of reuniting after long separations is often followed by adjustment challenges. You can ease back into life together by:
- Easing back into physical intimacy slowly
- Giving each other space and alone time
- Revisiting roles and responsibilities
- Accepting that you both changed during the separation
- Using coping strategies from counseling to manage frustrations
- Reconnecting socially with mutual friends
Advanced planning makes the transition smoother. Don't expect instant familiarity.
Get Support from Other Long Distance Couples
Friends and family often don't understand the unique struggles of maintaining a home across miles. Seek community from:
- Support groups for military spouses or partners
- Online forums about long distance relationships
- Other couples going through similar separations
Sharing experiences and advice with those who've been there offers valuable perspective. It also reminds you you're not alone.
Have a Light at the End of the Tunnel
It's tough persisting through an indefinite long distance situation. If possible, establish an end point or reunification timeline. This might involve:
- Planning the military spouse's retirement
- Targeting when the separated partner can request a transfer
- Setting a timeline for the higher-earning spouse to find a local job
- Saving up for one of you to move to the other's location
Having a target reunion date motivates you to keep going. Continue counseling in the meantime to stay happy and connected.
Benefits of Online Long Distance Marriage Counseling
Online counseling offers distinct advantages for improving long distance marriages, including:
Convenience Across Miles
Virtual counseling allows easy access to marriage support no matter the geographic separation. As long as you have an internet connection, you can attend video chat or phone sessions.
Flexibility Across Time Zones
Online therapists accommodate couples across multiple time zones. You can schedule early morning, late night, or weekend appointments.
Comfort in Your Own Space
Meeting a counselor online lets you participate from the comfort of home. You avoid an office setting or traveling to appointments.
Anonymity in Counseling
The discreet nature of teletherapy allows anonymity. You don't have to be seen physically entering counseling offices.
No Need for Childcare
With kids at home during separation, online counseling allows you to meet without childcare hassles or disruptions.
More Affordable Options
Eliminating office overhead costs allows therapists to offer competitive rates. And no travel costs are involved.
Fast Access to Support
Online matching systems help you quickly find counselors taking new clients. You avoid long waitlists.
Secure Platforms Protect Privacy
Reputable virtual counseling services use HIPAA-compliant platforms and encryption to protect your privacy.
Choosing the Best Online Counseling Service
The online counseling provider you select impacts your experience and results. Look for a service that:
- Screens therapists using stringent criteria
- Offers couples counseling options
- Has counselors experienced with military/long distance relationships
- Provides 24/7 clinical support
- Allows unlimited messaging with your counselor between sessions
- Uses easy videoconferencing and phone software
- Works across different operating systems/devices
- Coordinates insurance benefits for you
- Maintains strict confidentiality standards
Consult reviews and compare rates between recommended providers. Schedule consultations before committing.
Working through Challenges of Distance
Marriage takes effort under the best circumstances. When you add physical separation to the mix, it's normal to encounter bumps in the road. If both partners remain committed to the relationship, counseling provides tools to navigate the hard times and grow stronger.
Therapy also equips you with communication and conflict resolution techniques to prevent future problems. By investing in your marriage during separation, you build a solid foundation for a lifetime together.
Don't hesitate to reach out for professional guidance - no issue is too minor. Online counseling makes it easy, convenient, and affordable to access a therapist anytime, anywhere. You deserve to be happy in your marriage, no matter the zip code.
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new treatment regimen.
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