What HS Means in Relationships - Dating and Intimacy with Hidradenitis Suppurativa

Navigating Relationships When You Have Hidradenitis Suppurativa (HS)

Hidradenitis suppurativa (HS) is a chronic inflammatory skin condition that causes painful bumps and abscesses in areas like the armpits, groin, and under the breasts. It can be uncomfortable and make you feel self-conscious.

HS symptoms often flare up during times of hormonal changes, heat, sweat, and friction. This can make dating and intimacy challenging when you have HS.

This article provides an in-depth look at what HS means in the context of relationships. It covers common dating and intimacy dilemmas, strategies to overcome them, and how to foster understanding about HS with a partner.

How HS Can Impact Relationships

HS is not contagious, but it can affect your self-confidence and how you connect with potential partners. Some common ways HS may influence relationships include:

• Feeling embarrassed about HS flares and symptoms
• Discomfort during physical intimacy
• Chronic pain interfering with dates and activities
• Concerns about telling a new partner about your condition
• Worry about being judged or rejected because of HS

These kinds of feelings are normal, but the right partner will accept you as you are. With understanding and good communication, you can have fulfilling relationships despite dealing with HS.

Overcoming Dating Dilemmas with HS

While challenging at times, HS does not have to be a barrier to dating and finding love. Here are some dilemmas you may face, along with tips to overcome them:

Deciding When to Tell a New Partner About Your HS

There's no "right" time to disclose your condition when dating someone new. A general guideline is to bring it up once things start becoming more serious. This gives your partner time to get to know you first, while also informing them early in the relationship.

You may choose to tell a partner about your HS when:

• You notice mutual interest in a relationship forming
• They start asking more personal questions about you
• You make plans to become physically intimate

Frame it positively by focusing on openness and education about HS. Be prepared to explain your symptoms, flare triggers, and how it impacts your life. Answer any questions and let them process it.

Worrying About Rejection

Fear of judgement or rejection is understandable with an insensitive or judgmental partner. But most caring partners will take the time to understand. Those who reject you solely due to HS are not worth your time.

Ways to reduce fear of rejection:

• Screen potential partners and only pursue those who value openness, compassion and understanding
• Disclose HS when you feel ready, don't let fear rush you
• Have confidence in yourself as a whole person, not just your HS
• Seek support groups to connect with others also navigating dating with HS

Managing Painful Flares

HS flares can arise unexpectedly and be too painful for dating activities. Communicate openly with your partner when a flare disrupts your plans. Take time to rest and care for your skin.

Strategies for handling flares:

• Give your partner a heads up if a flare seems to be developing
• Reschedule date plans for low-key activities like a movie night in
• Be upfront about needing to reschedule due to a flare
• Suggest alternative dates to make up for cancelled plans

A caring partner will understand and want to accommodate your condition. Discuss ways you can adjust activities together during flares.

Navigating Intimacy with HS

HS can make physical intimacy uncomfortable. Communicate openly with partners about what does or doesn't feel good for you during intimacy. Some suggestions:

• Have intimacy during HS remissions when skin is calmer
• Avoid positions/activities that cause friction on HS areas
• Keep cool with fans, AC to prevent sweat-triggered flares
• Take it slow and stop if something causes pain

There are many options for being intimate in ways that work for you. Creativity, patience and communication are key.

Educating Your Partner About HS

A relationship built on mutual trust, respect and understanding will be most successful when you have HS. Take time to educate your partner about your condition.

Ways to explain HS:

• Describe your symptoms - where they develop, types of lesions, severity, flare factors, etc.
• Explain it is not contagious and not caused by poor hygiene
• Discuss your typical flare frequency, duration, and management
• Share any lifestyle adjustments you make because of HS
• Let them know about your treatment plans and how they can support you

Reading reputable websites, joining support groups and visiting your doctor together can also help a partner learn. Be patient, answer questions, and thank them for seeking to understand.

Managing HS Flares as a Couple

Once in a committed relationship, you and your partner can collaborate to keep HS flares minimal.

Strategies for managing flares together:

• Track your flare triggers and avoid them as a team
• Create a cooling environment by regulating temperature and humidity
• Plan lower sweat activities like movie nights for flare times
• Communicate openly when a flare starts and accommodate as needed
• Work together on dressing changes, warm compresses, etc.
• Find stress relief activities you enjoy together

Caring for your skin together and making HS-friendly adjustments will help you both feel more connected and positive.

Embracing a Fulfilling Relationship With HS

With the right understanding and communication, HS does not have to be a barrier to incredible relationships. Focus on self-love, selecting caring partners, and being your true self.

Keys to nurturing relationships with HS:

• Accept yourself fully, HS and all
• Surround yourself with those who support you unconditionally
• Commit to open, judgment-free communication about HS
• Don't let HS define you or your relationships
• Prioritize partners who uplift and empower you

You deserve meaningful relationships. Believe in your worthiness of love and connect with those who see all of who you are.

Living Well With HS in Relationships

HS comes with dating and intimacy challenges. But with confidence, communication and self-care, you can still foster remarkable, understanding relationships.

Focus on your worth as a whole person. Educate compassionate partners about your HS journey. Discuss your needs openly and make HS-friendly adjustments together.

You are worthy of love, acceptance and fulfillment. By embracing yourself and selecting supportive partners, HS can inform - but not inhibit - your relationships.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new treatment regimen.