Signs Your Spouse May Be Having an Affair and What To Do

Signs Your Partner May Be Unfaithful

Infidelity is devastating for any relationship. If you have a suspicion that your husband or wife may be cheating, it can cause intense emotional distress. However, try not to panic or jump to conclusions. There may be reasonable explanations for some "red flag" behaviors. Before confronting your partner, look objectively at whether their actions truly indicate betrayal or if it could be something else entirely.

Behavioral Changes to Look Out For

Some patterns that may signal infidelity include:

• Sudden increased secrecy over their phone, email, social media.
• More frequent "business trips" or unexplained absences from home.
• Pulling away emotionally and being less affectionate.
• Working later hours or unusual shifts.
• A decreased or spiked sexual interest.
• Buying gifts for no reason or hiding purchases.
• Starting arguments and picking fights.
• Acting happier and cheerful for no reason.

However, consider other factors too. For example, increased work stress or mental health struggles like depression can also cause some similar behaviors. Don't assume the worst without ruling out other possibilities first.

Investigating Suspicions Discreetly

If you feel something may truly be amiss, discreetly digging a little deeper can help find answers. You may try:

• Checking phone bills for unfamiliar numbers.
• Looking for receipts or credit card statements with odd purchases.
• Following their social media for suspicious messages or photos.
• Using a GPS tracker in their car to confirm their whereabouts.

Handle this low-key investigation carefully. Being caught snooping can damage trust. If evidence confirms cheating, it can prepare you for a productive confrontation discussion later.

Confronting a Cheating Partner

If you uncover definitive proof of infidelity, it's time to confront. But first, give yourself time to process the emotional hurt, anger and grief. Avoid knee-jerk reactions. When ready, find a private moment to have a thoughtful discussion and get answers.

Stay Calm When Confronting

Keep your composure during the confrontation conversation. Yelling or name-calling will only make your partner defensive. Use "I feel..." statements to explain how the cheating has hurt you emotionally. Allow them space to explain themselves honestly.

Ask Direct Questions

Inquire directly about what you uncovered to get details. Key questions include:

• Who is the other person?
• How long has the affair been going on?
• Have they been intimate? Used protection?
• Do they have feelings for this person?
• Why did they do it?

Don't interrogate, but clarify details respectfully so you know what you are forgiving.

Express How You Feel

Clearly articulate how the cheating has impacted you. For example:

• "I feel betrayed and my trust in you is shaken."
• "I feel deeply hurt that you sought intimacy outside our marriage."
• "I am devastated that you broke our vows and valued secrecy over openness."

Make it about your feelings rather than attacking them. This can open their eyes to the emotional damage they've caused.

Dealing with a Cheating Spouse

Once the affair is exposed, you have decisions to make. Consider the following when deciding how to move forward.

Get Tested for STDs

Infidelity poses serious risks for sexually transmitted diseases. Insist your spouse gets tested immediately so you can also get tested. This shows how their affair has jeopardized your health and the relationship.

See a Couples Counselor

An objective third party can help you process the betrayal, rebuild broken trust and improve your communication. Counseling also determines if the relationship is worth saving. Look for counselors experienced specifically in healing from affairs.

Set Firm Boundaries

If you want to reconcile, your wayward spouse must adhere to clear boundaries you set, like:

• Full transparency about their phone, email, social media, location, etc.
• Immediately cutting contact with their affair partner.
• Commitment to spend more quality time reconnecting with you.

They must be willing to do the hard work to earn back trust. Enforce consequences if they violate boundaries.

Consider Trial Separation

Sometimes time apart helps provide clarity. You may request:

• A month or so living separately to process emotions.
• No contact with the affair partner during separation.
• Marriage counseling during the separation period.

A trial separation can refresh perspective on whether divorce or reconciliation is right for you.

Healing and Moving Forward After an Affair

Overcoming infidelity requires time and work from both people. With commitment, many relationships survive affairs stronger than before. Positive steps include:

Practice Self-Care

Make your mental and emotional wellbeing the priority. Try therapy, exercise, leaning on friends, meditation, journaling, or other healthy coping strategies.

Forgive, But Don't Forget

Forgiveness is possible with time, but rebuilding trust takes consistent effort on their part. You both must be willing to put in the work.

Determine If You Should Part Ways

In some cases, it may be healthier to end the relationship. Consider factors like:

• Repeated infidelity or lack of remorse.
• Irreparable damage to the relationship.
• You've grown apart and no longer want the same things.
• Constant suspicion, anger or resentment.

Staying together for the wrong reasons creates prolonged unhappiness. Seek counseling to evaluate your options objectively.

Rebuild Your Confidence and Self-Worth

No matter what the outcome, remind yourself daily of your value. Surround yourself with people who appreciate and support you. Infidelity is a reflection of problems with the cheater, not you. With time, your heart will heal stronger and you can move forward in a better direction.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new treatment regimen.