Coping When Your Partner Has Asperger's Syndrome

Asperger's Syndrome and Intimate Relationships

Asperger's syndrome is an autism spectrum disorder characterized by challenges in social interactions and restrictive, repetitive patterns of behaviors. When one partner has Asperger's and the other does not, building a strong intimate relationship can be exceptionally difficult.

Those with Asperger's tend to process emotions differently in their brain and struggle to intuitively understand the thoughts, emotions, communicated cues, and behaviors of their significant other. This leads to problems like:

Common Relationship Challenges with an Asperger's Partner

• Difficulty empathizing and providing emotional support
• Problems expressing affection verbally and physically
• Trouble perceiving or understanding jokes, figures of speech, sarcasm
• Aversion to change, insistence on rigid routines
• Highly specific interests dominate conversations
• Inappropriate social interaction
• Communication shutdowns or outbursts

For the neurotypical partner, these common Aspergers relational habits can leave them feeling extremely lonely, undesirable, embarrassed, resentful, confused, and exhausted. But separation may not be the only option.

Coping Strategies for Partners of Those with Asperger's

Certain strategies for improving communication and compassion can make relationships affected by Aspergers more emotionally fulfilling and sustainable.

Learn About Aspergers

Gaining a thorough understanding of Aspergers syndrome helps neutralize frustration with a partners quirks. Recognizing behavior differences as neurological in origin rather than personal shortcomings or defiance is key for patience and acceptance.

Reading literature, joining support groups, or attending counseling comfortably educates oneself on healthy coping methods. When both partners learn how Aspergers shapes social skills, sensory perceptions, rigidity to change, and verbosity about special interests, they can better navigate challenges.

Establish Relationship Ground Rules

Sitting down early on to mutually discuss needs, expectations, communication styles and relationship ground rules helps avoid future assumptions, hurt, and resentment. Formalizing strategies for demonstrating affection, requesting space when overwhelmed, interpreting each others statements accurately, and signaling shifts in mood or sensory discomfort levels leads to greater harmony.

Revisiting these guidelines regularly lets couples fine-tune terms as they deepen bonds with greater understanding of one anothers unique wiring over time.

Improve Communication

Communication breakdowns frequently trigger relationship ruptures those with Aspergers struggle to repair due to impaired social skills. But adapting communication methods helps.

Partners should state feelings and requests explicitly, avoid vague cues or hints that get missed. Back-and-forth negotiation helps craft compromises around rigid comfort zones or behaviors. And speaking affirmations out loud provides needed reassurance.

Meanwhile, scheduling regular check-ins where both evaluate the relationship health, share appreciation, and tackle frustrations prevents simmering unrest. Designating wordless cues or tools like journals, song playlists, task charts also facilitates alternate avenues for supportive connection.

Therapy and Counseling

Seeing an Aspergers specialist for individual or couples counseling builds bonds stronger than either partner can construct independently. Trained therapists coach those with Aspergers on reading social cues, providing empathy, resolving arguments, and staying calm and present during conversations.

The neurotypical partner can air grievances and learn how to interpret their partners unique communication style more accurately. Over time and with practice of specialist-taught techniques, patience and compassion grow on both sides of the relationship.

Embrace the Positives

While the challenges of an Asperger's riddled relationship should never get minimized, it's important to focus on the positives one gains in a partner whose brain is wired differently. Their intense ability to hyperfocus yields astonishing creative exploits, plus deep wells of passion and loyalty for beloved interests.

Often, they will still demonstrate love and affection within the sensory and emotional parameters comfortable for them. The simplicity of their direct communication cuts through unnecessary drama and noise present in typical relationships. And the teachability, honesty, reliability and consistency of actions shown by an Asperger's partner truly enriches the life of a compassionate, devoted neurotypical counterpart.

By getting treatment and counseling, partners affected by Aspergers can absolutely forge strong lifelong romantic bonds.

Seeking Separation Due to Irreconcilable Differences

In some couples where one partner has Asperger's syndrome, the other partner may reach a point where continuing the relationship seems impossible due to irreconcilable differences despite concerted efforts to improve communication and intimacy.

Separation anxieties get compounded due to the withdrawing partner often serving as a primary pillar of stability for their Asperger's partner. Disrupting set partnership routines risks emotional chaos or retaliation during a breakup initiated by the neurotypical partner.

Safely Planning a Split

To compassionately exit a committed relationship scarred by untreated Aspergers related disorders, consider tips like:

• Consult closely with a couples therapist to establish the healthiest path forward
• Line up community resources to support an Aspergers partner post-split like job assistance services, social skill building programs, therapy referrals, housing coordination helpers
• Gradually acclimate an Aspergers partner to separation by slowly introducing routines done apart before moving out
• Remain compassionate yet firm when communicating the inevitability of the relationship ending
• Request help from family members equipped to check-in frequently as the Asperger's spouse adjusts

Taking measures to protect oneself may still be appropriate if the split threatens to turn verbally or physically aggressive toward the departing partner despite best efforts to ease the transition.

Seeking Closure After Separation

Walking away from a broken relationship with an individual on the spectrum still hurts deeply. Even when Aspergers comprehension challenges, sensory overload meltdowns, and lack of affection make maintaining intimacy as a couple hugely lopsided in terms of effort and heartache, remnants of love often still linger.

Allowing oneself space to grieve the loss before pushing drainingly towards brighter romantic futures ahead is important.

Some find bittersweet closure writing unsent goodbye letters capturing both beautiful memories and painful times alike. Finding communities sharing stories of others also separated due to an Aspergers diagnosis helps normalize complicated emotional responses. And revisiting old relationship counseling notes, reading literature on Aspergers psychology, or continuing individual therapy sessions facilitates making peace with disorienting dilemmas in severed partnerships involving Asperger's syndrome.

With compassion and self-care, those grieving the dissolved dreams of an intended "forever relationship" rocked by Aspergers can still emerge stronger, wiser and ready for loving anew eventually.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new treatment regimen.