Understanding Why People Cheat in Relationships
Even those in loving, seemingly happy relationships can end up being unfaithful to their partners. Infidelity causes immense emotional pain for all involved. Yet the reasons behind cheating are complex.
Defining an Affair
Experts say sexual or emotional infidelity involves one partner engaging in intimate behaviors with someone outside of the committed relationship without consent. This violates mutually agreed upon boundaries.
Infidelity encompasses a range of behaviors from flirtatious messages to full-on second relationships. The common denominator is deception that betrays relationship trust when exposed.
The Prevalence of Affairs
Estimates suggest 15-22% of married Americans admit to having an extramarital affair. But rising opportunities to connect with alternatives online may be influencing rates.
While more men have historically reported cheating, recent studies suggest the gender gap is narrowing. So what motivates someone to become unfaithful?
The Top Reasons People Have Affairs
Therapists emphasize affairs are never justified and the betrayer bears responsibility. Still, understanding what typically drives infidelity can help prevent it.
Boredom and Neglect
The passion and romance of initial courtship often fades in long-term relationships. If couples fail to consciously reconnect and meet each others emotional needs over the years, boredom and vulnerability to an affair can grow.
People may miss the excitement of the chase they enjoyed while dating. Or feel their partner has become more like a roommate neglecting their needs. A new person can appear to promise that myster and affection is still out there.
Lack of Sexual Satisfaction
Physical intimacy typically declines in marriagesand bodies change over time. If people are avoiding sex with their partners or feel unfulfilled by it, theyll be more susceptible when someone else displays strong attraction. Flattering sexual attention feeds ego and tempts people to stray.
Anger and Resentment
Long-term relationship problems like poor communication, mismatched priorities, unequal division of labor, financial pressures or major life changes can breed resentment. People feel trapped and uncared for.
Rather than address conflicts constructively, people act out to inflict hurt on the partner they blame. Pursuing an affair becomes revenge for perceived wrongs.
Low Self-Esteem
Paradoxically confidence issuesnot arrogance or narcissismalso motivate cheating. People who feel unattractive, boring or a poor partner seek external validation. An affair reminds them of their desirability.
But the thrill fades without resolving the root self-worth problems. So multiple sequential affairs become likely unless underlying emotional voids are addressed.
Other Influences Contributing to Infidelity
While the above reasons play central roles, therapists point to additional factors that enable affairs in relationships.
Early Life Experiences
Peoples observations about fidelity while growing up can normalize affairs. Seeing parents cheator even subtle messages affairs are common or expecteddesensitizes people to infidelity risks.
Victims of neglect or abuse also have higher rates of cheating. The trauma damages relationship skills and abandonment issues constantly seek external validation.
The Opportunity Effect
While someone may not set out to cheat, spending large amounts of time with an attractive, admiring person outside the relationship fosters temptation. People rationalize enjoying the flattery doesnt mean theyll let things progress further.
But smooth workplace interactions, fun social mixing or even platonic friendship can shift to stolen kisses then sex when the chance repeatedly arisesespecially amid marital problems or stress.
The High From Hiding
Successfully hiding an affair itself becomes addictive for some personality types. The secrecy elicits the brains dopamine rush and lures them to take greater risks chasing the deception high. Narcissists and those with duplicitous natures often fall into this trap.
Initially just chatting outside view felt exciting. But hiding a full-blown affair produces greater dopamine surges keeping them returning.
Alcohol Use
Surveys consistently correlate frequency of intoxication with rates of infidelity. Alcohol lowers inhibitions, impairs judgment and reduces perception of risks. People give in to urges theyd normally resist.
While inebriation prevents consciously planning betrayal, it enables accidental cheating that nonetheless devastates a relationship. Partners with substance abuse issues require dedicated change to prevent serial affairs blamed on drinking.
Overcoming the Reasons People Have Affairs
Healing after infidelity is challenging but possible if both people want restoration. Avoiding situations that enable affairs reduces risks. But proactively nurturing the relationship is key so vulnerabilities dont grow.
Improving Emotional Connection
Partners should commit to check-ins about needs, feelings and relationship satisfaction. Shared dates, expressing affection and supporting each others growth keeps bonds strong despite life stresses.
Affairs often reveal pre-existing voids in the relationship. Partners now know those vulnerabilities and can work to prevent emotional distance reemerging.
Reigniting Physical Intimacy
Couples must decrypt why sex frequency or enjoyment declinedthen jointly remedy it. Expand erotic repertoires, address body image issues hampering desire, seek medical help if needed and protect couple time from distractions.
Infidelity delivers perspective that the partner is still desired by others. This instills renewed motivation to nourish the physical connection binding the relationship.
Limiting Risky Situations
People slipping into emotional or physical affairs usually failed to establish boundaries guarding the relationship from threats. Now knowing that danger, couples openly discuss and commit to new standards limiting interactions that could enable affairs.
Cut contacts encouraging flirtation, reduce isolation with risks and show transparency about activity to prove full commitment to fidelity.
While recovering after infidelity is difficult, conscious steps protect against repeated betrayal. Partners proactively nourish fondness and passion to prevent someone becoming unfaithful again when challenges inevitably emerge.
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new treatment regimen.
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