Coping When a Partner with Bipolar Disorder Says Hurtful Things
Relationships can be challenging enough without mental health issues. When one partner has bipolar disorder, mood swings can spark hurtful words and behaviors that damage intimacy. Understanding why it happens and constructive ways for both people to respond are vital to overcoming rocky moments.
What Triggers Hurtful Words During Mood Episodes
Bipolar disorder involves intense emotional highs (mania) and lows (depression) outside the person's control. During manic or depressed phases, irritability flares and filters disappear for blunt speech.
Comments emerge reactively about grievances kept bottled up. Impulses to voice every criticism and frustration override filters to restrain hurt speech. Partners become convenient targets for pent-up anger or despair leaking out.
Impact of Bipolar Mood Cycling on Communication
What gets said during bipolar mood swings often reflects thoughts and feelings kept hidden when stable. But the raw, uncontrolled way criticisms blast out can feel like verbal abuse to partners.
Repeated mood-driven hostility strains trust and intimacy in relationships. Partners feel unfairly attacked, unable to please, and defend themselves by pulling away or retalitating.
Why Hurtful Speech Requires Compassion on Both Sides
It's the Illness Talking, Not the Person
Lashing out via extreme oversharing or insults is a symptom of manic or depressive bipolar episodes. While upsetting, it stems from a brain disorder - not genuine intent to harm through words.
Separating the person from their illness helps partners avoid overpersonalizing each flare of criticism or meanness emerging under distress.
The Pain Flows Both Ways
Having an illness that periodically overrides self-control with extreme emotions and reactions is exhausting for the bipolar individual too. Knowing their mood swings repeat against their wishes or best efforts breeds self-loathing and suicidal thoughts.
With empathy on both sides for each other's suffering, connection can outweigh periodic discord when bipolar flares.
Coping Constructively as a Partner When Hurt
Spot the Signs of Highs and Lows
Recognizing your partner's individual mania and depression warning signs helps brace for potential verbal turbulence. Keying into early clues like sleeplessness, elevated moods, or withdrawal makes it less personal when irritability boils over.
Set Limits on Acceptable Communication
Calmly assert "ground rules" for how you expect to be treated even during bipolar episodes. State clearly that profanity, insults, threats, intimidation, and violence cross the line and are unacceptable no matter what.
Divert and Self Soothe
In the heat of the moment when emotions run high, divert attention elsewhere and self soothe. Shift locations, detour conversations to lighter topics, or take space alone to decompress and regain perspective.
Process Afterwards
Wait until both parties have returned to calmer, clearer states before trying to discuss grievances aired hurtfully preiously. Repair work goes better once overwhelming emotions have stabilized.
Strategies for the Partner with Bipolar Disorder After Lashing Out
Review the Episode
Once the high or low passes, reflect on what triggered it, behaviors during, and the aftermath. Identify points sooner intervention could prevent hurtful escalations.
Take Responsibility
Own what you said and how it impacted your partner without blame or excuses. Apologize fully, expressing understanding if they feel unable or unwilling to instantly forgive.
Explore Medication Adjustments
If hurtful verbal episodes happen often despite bipolar treatment, consult doctors about medication tweaks and add-ons to better control irritability and impulsiveness.
Note Red Flag Topics to Table
Certain conversation topics may regularly trigger nitpicking criticisms and contemptuous reactions when moods shift - note them to consciously sideline for calmer times.
When Does Relationship Counseling Become Necessary?
Despite best mutual efforts to smooth communication, recurring fallout from verbal hurt during bipolar mood swings can erode intimacy to the breaking point. If you reach an impasse unable to move past built up hurt and mistrust, seek couples counseling.
Signs It's Time for Relationship Therapy
- Frequent destructive arguments
- Stonewalling and avoiding communication
- Partners detaching emotionally
- Suspicions of infidelity
- Feeling "stuck" unable to forgive or reconnect
Goals of Couples Counseling
Bipolar disorder specialized therapy aims to:
- Improve communication and conflict resolution skills
- Repair intimacy by identifying unmet needs
- Establish stable relationship roles amid mood swings
- Regain trust and let go of accumulated resentment
An experienced bipolar therapist serves as a neutral guide leading both partners into healthier patterns that withstand symptoms. They also help the bipolar individual manage the illness's impact personally.
The Takeaway on Coping with Hurtful Actions and Words
No one wants to face hurtful language or behavior from an intimate partner - but with bipolar that unfortunate reality surfaces periodically. Handling those turbulent moments requires compassion and communication finesse from both people to keep bonds intact.
While challenging, gaining understanding of one other's internal world and suffering lightens the load. With care, commitment and sometimes counseling, relationships emerge stronger than before by weathering bipolar symptoms together.
FAQs
Why do people with bipolar disorder often say mean, critical things?
Irritability and loss of verbal filters are common symptoms during manic and depressive bipolar episodes. Hurtful speech tends to happen reactively without genuine intent to harm partners.
What should you not say to someone with bipolar disorder when upset?
Avoid escalating tensions further with your own hurtful speech like sarcasm, profanity, threats, criticism, rejection statements, or relationship ultimatums.
How can someone with bipolar disorder apologize after verbally attacking a partner?
Sincerely own what was said, acknowledge the pain caused, commit to seeking treatment adjustments, and give space/time for healing without pressure to instantly forgive.
Is hurtful speech a dealbreaker for relationships with bipolar partners?
Not necessarily - with compassion on both sides, commitment to constructive communication, and counseling support, relationships can endure the turbulence of bipolar mood swings.
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new treatment regimen.
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