Signs a Married Man is Using You
Falling for a married man can be an emotional rollercoaster. On one hand, you may desperately want his affection and attention. On the other, you know that dating someone who is already spoken for is wrong on many levels. If you suspect the married man in your life is simply using you, it can be absolutely devastating.
But how can you really tell if a married man is just playing you? While every situation is different, there are some common signs to look out for.
He Only Contacts You at Certain Times
A man who is serious about you will want to communicate regularly throughout the day. If your married man disappears for large chunks of time, only to resurface late at night, it's a major red flag. Married men often wait until their wives are asleep or occupied to reach out to the other woman they're involved with.
Pay attention to patterns in communication. Limited daytime interactions or lapses in communication could signify you're his side fling instead of a priority.
He Gets Defensive When You Ask About His Marriage
Asking questions about your man's marriage is absolutely fair game, especially if he claims to be unhappy. However, if he gets angry or avoids giving you direct answers, it's likely he has no intention of leaving his wife.
A married man using you will try to flip the script and make you feel guilty or unreasonable for questioning him. He wants to prevent you from peering behind the curtain too closely.
You Only Meet Up in Private
If your involvements consists of nothing but secret rendezvous behind closed doors, it's another sign you're being used. A married man who genuinely cares for you will want to incorporate you into other aspects of his life.
On the other hand, if he refuses to be seen with you in public, it's because he wants to maintain the illusion of being single and available. He certainly doesn't want word getting back to his wife.
His Stories Don't Add Up
When a man is spinning tales to multiple women, it gets hard to keep all the lies straight. If you catch him in obvious contradictions or mistruths about his marriage, he's probably not being honest about his intentions with you either.
Press him gently on discrepancies in his stories. His reaction will be very telling. An innocent man would be perplexed or apologetic. A duplicitous one will become irritated or double down on his lies.
He Disappears Around the Holidays
The holiday season usually brings out the family man. If your married man consistently ditches you on holidays and important dates, it's because he's spending that time with his wife and kids.
A man who wants to be with you will make sure you're together on special days like birthdays, Valentine's Day and Christmas. If he can never sacrifice family time for you, the message is clear: you're not his priority.
He Doesn't Post About You on Social Media
In the era of social media, a man who really wants to be with a woman will be eager to post photos with her and gush about the relationship online. If your man outright refuses to acknowledge your relationship publicly, it's likely because he wants to appear single.
Married men having affairs rely on secrecy and discretion, so Facebook official is off the table. The exception is if he maintains separate accounts just for you that his wife knows nothing about.
He's Stringing You Along
Perhaps the most obvious sign a married man is using you is when he drags his feet on leaving his wife. He may insist the marriage is all but over. He might give vague promises about not wanting to hurt the kids. But his reasons for staying married always continue.
The truth? He has you fulfilling his romantic and sexual needs so he has no urgency to alter his situation. A man who genuinely wanted to be with you would make it happen.
You're Isolated From His Life
A married man who cares for you will want you to meet and bond with the other people in his life. If he deliberately isolates you from his friends, family and coworkers, it's because you're his dirty little secret.
He may explain this isolation by saying "they just wouldn't understand." Don't buy that excuse. If he's willing to lie and betray his wife, he wouldn't really care about being honest with the other people in his life either.
You Can't Reach Him Quickly
In the beginning of a healthy relationship, a man is eager to stay connected. If you need to wait hours to hear back from a guy, he's either lost interest or is juggling too many women.
If your man frequently takes 12 hours or more to return texts and calls, he's likely tied up with his spouse and family. His radio silence speaks volumes about where you rank in his priorities.
He Ghosts Frequently
If your man has a habit of mysteriously disappearing for days on end with no warning or contact, he's almost certainly a married man playing games. Healthy partners don't just vanish into thin air.
Ghosting is a cruel tactic used by unfaithful men who want to keep their options open. The silence leaves you wondering where you stand and lets him easily pick back up with you later, no explanations asked.
You Catch Him in Lies
Honest partners will be open books when it comes to their background and past. If you've caught your man lying about his relationship status, former relationships, children, career or other big issues, run away fast.
You should be able to freely discuss your dating histories and any marriages or kids. A man who lies to conceal parts of his existing life is someone to avoid at all costs.
He's Too Charming
Some unfaithful partners conceal their nature behind an overly smooth and charming facade. But if your man seems a little too slick and smarmy, it may be compensation for lying and manipulation.
Cheaters know how to put on an act to woo women. If his charm feels inauthentic, or stops as soon as he's "got" you, you have a player on your hands.
Trust Your Gut
Lastly, don't ignore any intuitive sense that something is amiss. Our powerful subconscious minds pick up on subtle clues and red flags. If your gut is screaming he's not the one, there's probably a good reason.
You may feel anxiety or anger when he can't meet up. You might notice your mood plummets when he ghosts. Listen to what your body is telling you.
Should You Date a Married Man?
Ultimately only you can decide if dating a married man is right for you. But more often than not, these secret relationships rarely have storybook endings.
By giving your body and soul to someone who can't fully commit to you, you're setting yourself up for terrible heartbreak in the future. You deserve to find a man who is proud to make you his one and only.
If the man you're seeing is married, the healthiest choice is to walk away. You may need to cut contact altogether so he can't lure you back in with more lies. Though it may be agonizing at first, you'll look back one day with gratitude for closing that chapter.
Stay strong and know your worth. The right man who can fully give his heart to you is out there. Don't lose hope that you'll find the love you deserve.
FAQs
How can you tell if a married man is just using you?
Signs include him only contacting you at certain times, getting defensive when you ask about his marriage, refusing to be seen with you in public, and not being able to reach him quickly when you need him. If he ghosts, lies or strings you along, he's likely using you.
What are some red flags that a married man will cheat?
Major red flags include him being overly charming, lying to you about his relationship status or other aspects of his life, and isolating you from other people in his life. Disappearing around the holidays is also a sign he's focused on his family over you.
Should you date a married man who says he's unhappy with his wife?
It's best not to date a married man no matter what he says about his relationship. He is likely fabricating or exaggerating problems to justify cheating. If he genuinely wanted to be with you, he would separate first before pursuing a new relationship.
Can a married man really love his mistress?
It's unlikely a married man can truly love or commit fully to his mistress. He may insist he loves you both, but his actions make it clear his wife and family are the priority. Being the "other woman" means accepting you will never have all of his heart.
How do you let go of a married man using you?
The healthiest option is to cut off contact completely so he can't continue using you. Surround yourself with loved ones who reinforce your self-worth. Allow yourself to grieve the fantasy so you can move forward. It may hurt at first, but you'll look back with pride for choosing yourself.
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new treatment regimen.
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