What Are the 7 Love Languages? Tips to Improve Your Relationship

Understanding the 7 Love Languages

The concept of love languages was developed by relationship expert Dr. Gary Chapman in his 1992 book "The 5 Love Languages". He identified 5 ways that people express and interpret love and affection in relationships: words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, quality time, and physical touch. Chapman's theory is that each person has a primary "love language" that makes them feel most loved and valued when used by their partner. Learning your own as well as your partner's love language is key for strengthening romantic relationships.

Since the publication of Chapman's book, the 5 love languages have become widely known and used in the realm of relationships. The central idea is that people have different ways of communicating love, so you need to speak your partner's language if you want them to feel loved. With this knowledge, you can build a deeper connection, avoid miscommunications, and resolve conflicts more easily in your relationship.

The 5 Love Languages

Here is an overview of each of Chapman's original 5 love languages:

Words of Affirmation

Words of affirmation refers to verbal expressions of love, praise, and appreciation. For someone whose primary language is words of affirmation, hearing "I love you", "You're so thoughtful", or "You're amazing" means the world. Compliments, encouragement, and thoughtful words make them feel secure and valued.

Quality Time

Quality time is focused one-on-one attention from your partner. People who speak this love language feel most cared for when their partner is fully present and engaged in conversation, activities, or experiences together. It's about quality over quantity when it comes to time spent together.

Physical Touch

The physical touch language encompasses any physical expression of affection, including hugs, kisses, pats on the back, hand-holding, and sex. Those who connect through touch appreciate the intimacy and connection of physical contact. It makes them feel desired, appreciated, and comforted.

Acts of Service

Acts of service refers to doing thoughtful deeds, tasks, and favors for your partner. This could include cooking dinner, running errands, helping with chores, or any behavior that relieves any burden or stress from your loved one. Those with this love language feel most cared for when their partner puts effort into supporting them in practical ways.

Gifts

Receiving thoughtful gifts makes someone with this love language feel recognized and deeply cared for. The gifts don't need to be expensive or elaborate; it's the gesture that counts. Anything from flowers, to a personalized mix CD, to a cup of their favorite coffee shows that you were thinking of them.

The 2 Additional Love Languages

Since the widespread success of "The 5 Love Languages", Chapman has added two more languages to his relationship theory:

Quality Time vs. Quality Conversation

Chapman now distinguishes between quality time and quality conversation. Some people feel most connected through shared activities and experiences (quality time), while others bond through meaningful conversation (quality conversation). Both involve focused attention on your partner.

Physical Touch vs. Physical Presence

Similarly, Chapman now separates physical touch from physical presence. While touch is important for some, others feel most secure and comfortable just being in the physical presence of their partner. Sitting together quietly or being in the same room can be comforting.

So the 7 total love languages are now: words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, quality time, quality conversation, physical touch, and physical presence.

Discovering Your Love Languages

To identify your own primary love languages, consider:

• How do you typically express love to others?
• When do you feel most appreciated and cared for by others?
• What complaints do you have about how previous partners have treated you?
• What do you hope and wish for most in your intimate relationships?

You can also take the love languages quiz in Chapman's book or online. The quiz asks you to rank statements about how you interpret and express love and affection. Your highest rated love languages likely align with your primary languages.

Learning Your Partner's Love Language

To determine your partner's love language(s):

• Pay attention to how they typically show love to you
• Notice what requests and complaints they make most often
• Think about what seems to make them feel most appreciated and cared for
• Ask them to take the love languages quiz or have an open conversation about it

It's important not to assume you know your partner's love language. Let them share and express it themselves through words and actions. Be open-minded and don't take offense if their language differs from yours.

Using Love Languages to Improve Your Relationship

Once you know each other's love languages, put that into practice by intentionally using your partner's language to express affection. For example:

• If their language is words of affirmation, make an effort to regularly compliment, encourage, and verbally appreciate them.
• If it's gifts, find small but thoughtful ways to give them meaningful items.
• If it's acts of service, do small helpful tasks and favors for them whenever possible.
• If it's quality time, set aside regular one-on-one time to be present together.
• If physical touch, incorporate more physical affection into your interactions.

Being aware of each other's love languages allows you to bridge gaps, avoid misunderstandings, and make each other feel truly loved. It establishes a pattern of expressing appreciation and affection in ways that your partner understands best. Mastering the art of "speaking each other's language" can tremendously strengthen your bond, connection, and satisfaction in your relationship.

The Bottom Line

Understanding love languages provides a simple but profound framework for improving romantic relationships. Identifying how you and partner each prefer to send and receive love allows you to love each other better. Interpreting behaviors through the lens of love languages results in less conflict and more compassion in your relationship.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new treatment regimen.