When Someone Lies to You, Remember That They May Start to Believe Their Own Lies
Being lied to hurts. It can make you feel betrayed, angry, and confused. You may wonder why someone you trusted would lie to you. The reality is, there are many reasons people tell lies. And over time, those who lie frequently may even start to believe their own falsehoods.
Common Reasons People Lie
Lying is complex human behavior. Some potential motivations for being untruthful include:
- Avoiding punishment
- Seeking attention and sympathy
- Building or protecting self-esteem
- Avoiding embarrassment or shame
- Shielding someone else
- Feeling powerful and in control
- Living up to expectations
- Obtaining goods, services or money
- Maintaining privacy and boundaries
- Preventing hurt feelings
Types of Lies People Tell
Lies can take many different forms:
- Exaggerations - Stretching or embellishing the truth
- Omissions - Leaving out facts or details
- Misdirection - Dodging questions or changing the subject
- False promises - Assuring something you don't intend to deliver
- Outright lies - Fabricating stories or information
- Minimizing - Downplaying failures or misconduct
- Maximizing - Overstating accomplishments or skills
Signs Someone May Be Lying
While there's no foolproof way to detect lies, some signals to watch for include:
- Avoiding eye contact
- Fidgeting or restless movements
- Changes in vocal pitch
- Gaps and inconsistencies in stories
- Covering the mouth or face
- Defensiveness when questioned
Pathological vs. Common Lying
In some cases, frequent lying may be a sign of a mental health disorder like:
- Compulsive lying - Impulsive lying even when the truth would suffice
- Narcissistic lying - Lying to validate a grandiose sense of self
- Psychopathic lying - Persistent manipulation and deceit
But many people occasionally lie without having a pathological condition. Small lies to avoid embarrassment or discord can be a social coping mechanism.
Why Frequent Lying Is Problematic
While an occasional small lie may not cause harm, developing a pattern of lying can lead to:
- Difficulty building or maintaining close relationships
- Losing trust and credibility with friends and family
- Legal or employment problems
- Feeling disconnected from oneself
- Having to fabricate details to sustain lies
- Justifying increasingly unethical behavior
Lying also becomes harder to stop with time as rewiring truth circuits in the brain becomes more challenging.
When People Start Believing Their Own Lies
Lying causes changes in the brain over time. When lying becomes very frequent, people may:
- Struggle to recall truth from fiction
- Invent false memories to back up lies
- Insist things happened they way they described them
- Pass lie detector tests by believing their own story
- Feel exempt from societal rules and norms
In essence, they construct an alternate reality that becomes true for them. This makes stopping the lies even more difficult.
How to Cope When You've Been Lied To
Discovering you've been deceived is painful. Here are some tips for moving forward:
- Take time to process your emotions - Anger, hurt and grief are normal.
- Acknowledge your feelings are valid - You have a right to feel wronged.
- Collect any evidence - Keep texts, emails, photos, etc. Don't accuse without proof.
- Communicate your concerns calmly - Confront them politely for their side of the story.
- Set boundaries if appropriate - Explain the impact and how lying affects trust.
- Seek counseling support if needed - Therapy can help overcome betrayal.
- Reflect on your own behavior - Consider how modeling honesty may help.
- Rebuild trust slowly over time - Restore faith in the relationship with small steps.
- Focus on positive relationships - Surround yourself with honest supportive people.
- Forgive judiciously - If genuine remorse is shown, forgiveness can heal.
Creating a Culture of Honesty
While you can't control others, you can encourage truthfulness by:
- Being honest yourself in words and actions
- Not accusing without cause
- Discussing lies calmly without attacking character
- Allowing people to admit errors without excessive punishment
- Letting some small lies go to prioritize connection
- Focusing on positive behaviors
- Role modeling apologizing and forgiveness
- Encouraging open communication
- Seeking win-win conflict resolution
Lying Can Become a Habit - But Honesty Still Has Value
Being lied to erodes trust and causes pain. But know that some people fall into a pattern of lying through unhealthy modeling or as a maladaptive coping skill. With care, honesty can be restored. Focus on communicating openly, setting boundaries, and surrounded yourself with truthful people.
FAQs
Why do people lie?
Common reasons for lying include avoiding punishment, seeking attention, protecting self-esteem, avoiding embarrassment, maintaining privacy, and preventing hurt feelings.
What are some types of lies?
Types of lies include exaggerations, omissions, misdirection, false promises, outright fabrication, minimizing faults, and maximizing achievements.
How can you tell if someone is lying?
Signals someone may be lying include avoiding eye contact, fidgeting, vocal pitch changes, inconsistent details, covering their mouth or face, and getting defensive.
When do people start believing their own lies?
With frequent, habitual lying, people may struggle to separate truth from fiction, invent false memories, and pass lie detector tests by believing their lies.
How do you cope with being lied to?
Tips include processing emotions, collecting evidence, communicating concerns calmly, setting boundaries, rebuilding trust slowly over time, and surrounding yourself with honest people.
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new treatment regimen.
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