Feeling Overwhelmed by Your Boyfriend’s Over-Explanations?
It’s common in relationships for one partner to be more detail-oriented than the other. If your boyfriend tends to over-explain things and you feel like he just doesn’t get to the point, it can be frustrating. However, with some understanding of each other's communication styles and a few useful tips, you can help him explain things more concisely while still feeling heard.
Why Your Boyfriend Over-Explains
There are a few possible reasons why your boyfriend might over-explain information to you:
- He wants to provide extra context he feels is important
- He has a more detail-focused thinking and communication style
- He wants to ensure he fully addresses any questions you might have
- He feels insecure and over-explains to seem smarter or more "right"
None of these reasons are inherently bad. Over-explaining often comes from a desire to be fully transparent, share information, and foster understanding.
Why This Communication Style Frustrates You
Even though over-explaining generally comes from a positive place, it’s understandable why being on the receiving end of too many details can be frustrating. Common reasons include:
- Impatience - You just want simple key information
- Feeling overwhelmed or confused by too many details
- Believing he doesn’t trust your ability to understand
- Sensing he is arrogant, condescending, or deliberately long-winded
But in many cases, his intentions are good. With mutual understanding, you can meet in the middle.
How to Get Your Boyfriend to Explain Things More Concisely
If your boyfriend tends to inundate you with excessive explanations, details, and tangents when you just want key information, try these tips:
Explain Your Communication Styles
Have an open conversation about your different preferences for details when discussing information. Make it clear you understand his desire to be thorough but your style leans more toward brevity.
Ask Clarifying Questions
When he’s explaining something you don’t need all the details about, interject with clarifying questions guiding him to key points like "Could you clarify the main issue here?" or "Could you sum up the key takeaways?"
Use Time Constraints
If you only have a short time to chat, kindly ask him to briefly summarize key points due to the time constraint. He may not even realize how lengthy his explanations get.
Check Your Patience and Body Language
It’s understandable to get impatient, but try your best not to. Also be aware of expressing frustration through negative body language, which could make him feel attacked.
Frame Requests Positively
Rather than saying "stop with the long stories", reframe it positively - "I really appreciate all the background but could you highlight just the key info for me?" Framing it this way will likely yield better results.
Tips for Being Patient with an Over-Explainer
While you definitely deserve concise explanations when needed, it also helps meet in the middle by working on your patience. Here’s how:
Focus on Listening, Not Waiting to Speak
When impatience creeps up, consciously unhook yourself from mentally formulating your next response. Devote full attention to listening instead of waiting for your turn to steer him to the point.
Ask Yourself "Why?"
Ask yourself - "Why might he go into this level of detail?" Considering his motivations can help summon understanding and patience.
Look For Value in the Details
Instead of seeing his lengthy diversions as annoying or pointless, try looking for what value they might hold, even if it’s not immediately clear. There may be useful nuggets in the excess.
Remember He’s Trying to Connect
However chaotic or one-sided his communication style may feel to you, understand that at its core your boyfriend is likely just trying earnestly to make a connection. Meeting that intention with more acceptance can help.
When to Insist on More Concise Communication
While working on patience and understanding of over-explaining is important in maintaining the relationship, insistently requesting more concise communication is fair in many situations, including:
- When you genuinely need just key details due to limited time or mental bandwidth
- In heated arguments - concision helps prevent escalation
- When his talking dominates the flow of dialogue for too long
In these cases, politely but firmly request he narrow his communication down to most pertinent details.
Professional Help If Needed
Difficulty feeling heard regarding the issue or ongoing feelings of contempt about poor communication may indicate seeking counseling. A therapist can help you:
- Better communicate needs and frustrations
- Determine any underlying issues contributing
- Establish healthier communication patterns
While learning to accept each other’s quirks is important in a relationship, continually feeling dismissed, disrespected or resentful over communication issues warrants enlisting help.
Balancing Brevity and Depth
The happiest relationships retain a spirit of acceptance when communication styles don’t fully align. Find balance by patiently yet clearly communicating your need for brevity while also looking for value in details he provides.
With care, understanding and a willingness to meet in the middle, you can experience easier communication with an over-explainer who has good intentions but just a radically different style.
FAQs
Why does my boyfriend give too many details when explaining things?
He likely has good, though miss-matched intentions, like wanting to provide background context, fully address any questions, and foster understanding. Over-explaining can also come from insecurity about seeming smart or "right."
What is the best way to get my boyfriend to communicate more concisely?
Have an open talk about your communication styles. Tactfully interject with clarifying questions guiding him to key points. Frame requests positively - not as demands he "stop" over-explaining, but rather asking if he can highlight just the most important details.
How can I work on being patient with my boyfriend's long-winded communication?
Actively listen without mentally formulating your next response. Consider why he might communicate this way. Look for value in details he provides instead of seeing them as pointless. Remember he likely has good intentions.
When is it reasonable to insist my boyfriend gets to the point?
It’s fair to firmly request more concise communication when you genuinely need key details only, during heated arguments to prevent escalation, or when he dominates the dialogue for a very prolonged stretch.
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new treatment regimen.
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