What To Do When Your Boyfriend Over-Explains Everything

Feeling Overwhelmed by Your Boyfriends Over-Explanations?

Its common in relationships for one partner to be more detail-oriented than the other. If your boyfriend tends to over-explain things and you feel like he just doesnt get to the point, it can be frustrating. However, with some understanding of each other's communication styles and a few useful tips, you can help him explain things more concisely while still feeling heard.

Why Your Boyfriend Over-Explains

There are a few possible reasons why your boyfriend might over-explain information to you:

• He wants to provide extra context he feels is important
• He has a more detail-focused thinking and communication style
• He wants to ensure he fully addresses any questions you might have
• He feels insecure and over-explains to seem smarter or more "right"

None of these reasons are inherently bad. Over-explaining often comes from a desire to be fully transparent, share information, and foster understanding.

Why This Communication Style Frustrates You

Even though over-explaining generally comes from a positive place, its understandable why being on the receiving end of too many details can be frustrating. Common reasons include:

• Impatience - You just want simple key information
• Feeling overwhelmed or confused by too many details
• Believing he doesnt trust your ability to understand
• Sensing he is arrogant, condescending, or deliberately long-winded

But in many cases, his intentions are good. With mutual understanding, you can meet in the middle.

How to Get Your Boyfriend to Explain Things More Concisely

If your boyfriend tends to inundate you with excessive explanations, details, and tangents when you just want key information, try these tips:

Explain Your Communication Styles

Have an open conversation about your different preferences for details when discussing information. Make it clear you understand his desire to be thorough but your style leans more toward brevity.

Ask Clarifying Questions

When hes explaining something you dont need all the details about, interject with clarifying questions guiding him to key points like "Could you clarify the main issue here?" or "Could you sum up the key takeaways?"

Use Time Constraints

If you only have a short time to chat, kindly ask him to briefly summarize key points due to the time constraint. He may not even realize how lengthy his explanations get.

Check Your Patience and Body Language

Its understandable to get impatient, but try your best not to. Also be aware of expressing frustration through negative body language, which could make him feel attacked.

Frame Requests Positively

Rather than saying "stop with the long stories", reframe it positively - "I really appreciate all the background but could you highlight just the key info for me?" Framing it this way will likely yield better results.

Tips for Being Patient with an Over-Explainer

While you definitely deserve concise explanations when needed, it also helps meet in the middle by working on your patience. Heres how:

Focus on Listening, Not Waiting to Speak

When impatience creeps up, consciously unhook yourself from mentally formulating your next response. Devote full attention to listening instead of waiting for your turn to steer him to the point.

Ask Yourself "Why?"

Ask yourself - "Why might he go into this level of detail?" Considering his motivations can help summon understanding and patience.

Look For Value in the Details

Instead of seeing his lengthy diversions as annoying or pointless, try looking for what value they might hold, even if its not immediately clear. There may be useful nuggets in the excess.

Remember Hes Trying to Connect

However chaotic or one-sided his communication style may feel to you, understand that at its core your boyfriend is likely just trying earnestly to make a connection. Meeting that intention with more acceptance can help.

When to Insist on More Concise Communication

While working on patience and understanding of over-explaining is important in maintaining the relationship, insistently requesting more concise communication is fair in many situations, including:

• When you genuinely need just key details due to limited time or mental bandwidth
• In heated arguments - concision helps prevent escalation
• When his talking dominates the flow of dialogue for too long

In these cases, politely but firmly request he narrow his communication down to most pertinent details.

Professional Help If Needed

Difficulty feeling heard regarding the issue or ongoing feelings of contempt about poor communication may indicate seeking counseling. A therapist can help you:

• Better communicate needs and frustrations
• Determine any underlying issues contributing
• Establish healthier communication patterns

While learning to accept each others quirks is important in a relationship, continually feeling dismissed, disrespected or resentful over communication issues warrants enlisting help.

Balancing Brevity and Depth

The happiest relationships retain a spirit of acceptance when communication styles dont fully align. Find balance by patiently yet clearly communicating your need for brevity while also looking for value in details he provides.

With care, understanding and a willingness to meet in the middle, you can experience easier communication with an over-explainer who has good intentions but just a radically different style.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new treatment regimen.