How Single Friends Can Damage Your Marriage - Setting Boundaries

How Single Friends Can Negatively Impact Your Marriage

Having close friends is an important part of life for many people. Friends can provide fun, laughter, support and advice. However, some experts argue that keeping the wrong kind of friends once you get married can actually harm your relationship.

In particular, maintaining close ties with single friends who still live the party lifestyle can introduce threats like temptation, improper advice and strained priorities into your marriage. While ending these friendships altogether may seem extreme, it is wise for married couples to evaluate them objectively and set appropriate boundaries.

Temptation

Spending time with single friends who frequently party, date around and hook up can reopened doors that are meant to be closed once you commit to marriage. After a fun girls' or guys' night out, it's not uncommon for old instincts to kick in that don't align with your vows.

You may find yourself tempted by the same excitement and thirst for adventure you left behind when you got married. This can cause confusion, irrational decision making and unnecessary marital conflict.

Improper Advice

When challenging situations arise in your marriage, single friends are not the best people to turn to for advice. Because they themselves are not in committed relationships, their counsel will often lean toward self-serving interests rather than what is best for your marriage.

For example, your single friend may tell you to separate or get a divorce after one major fight with your spouse rather than work through the issue. Or they may advise you to have an affair because your partner has gained weight and "let themselves go."

Strained Priorities

Single friends generally have more free time and fewer family obligations. If you try to keep up with their late nights out, spur of the moment adventures and endless string of new dating partners, it can quickly wear on your marital responsibilities.

Before you know it, you may be missing date nights with your spouse, showing up late and exhausted to family events or allowing unsolved problems to pile up at home. At that point, marriage takes a backseat to maintaining a single lifestyle, which breeds resentment and disconnect.

Setting Boundaries with Single Friends

Maintaining trusted friends outside of your marriage in a healthy way comes down to setting and enforcing appropriate boundaries from the start. Here is some advice on how to regulate those relationships.

Limit One-On-One Time

Make sure most interactions with single friends include your spouse or other couples whenever possible. This keeps things transparent and reduces opportunities for temptation or over-sharing.

Avoid Overnight Stays

If an out-of-town friend wants to visit, don't offer for them to crash at your place. Meet up for dinner or drinks instead where your spouse is present, then they can get a hotel.

Follow Through On Commitments

Stick to plans made with your spouse, whether it's date night, family time or tackling responsibilities around the house. Never bail for a single friend's last-minute invitation.

Cap Information Sharing

While some venting about marriage struggles may be harmless, overdoing it can undermine the relationship. Keep private matters private to avoid outside opinions seeping in.

When to Let Go of Single Friends

If reasonable boundaries don't suffice and these friends continue enabling behavior that could tank your marriage, more aggressive action is needed. Here are some signs it's time to phase out that person completely:

They Don't Respect Your Spouse

Pay attention to how single friends interact with and talk about your significant other. Do they make snide remarks, seem bored hearing about them or roll their eyes when their name comes up? Big red flag.

They Pressure You to Party

Does this friend keep pestering you to stay out later, have more drinks or push other poor decisions after you've already declined? This is someone who cares more about their wingman than your marriage.

Your Spouse Feels Threatened

Even if you see this friend as perfectly platonic, if your significant other remains uncomfortable with them it's time to pull back. Your marriage should be your top priority, not defending external relationships.

Healthy Friendships Support Healthy Marriages

Navigating friendships with singles may feel like a delicate balancing act once you tie the knot, but it's well worth the effort. Surrounding yourselves with other like-minded married couples is ideal. Yet you can still keep select single friends too as long as healthy boundaries are implemented.

In fact, modeling a strong, loving marriage can have a positive influence on your single comrades. So remain an open book, be the best spouse you can be and lead by example - that light can brighten all your relationships.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new treatment regimen.