Friendships Change Over Time
As we grow older and transition into adulthood, many of us drift apart from childhood friends. Your priorities, interests, values, and availability likely differ now compared to when you were younger. This natural evolution means friendships change too.
Don't take it personally if you grow apart from friends. It doesn't mean the friendship wasn't important or real. But now you're both different people. Accept that friendships change rather than forcing ones that have run their course.
Investing in Friendships Takes Work
Friendships take effort to maintain, especially in adulthood with busy lives and obligations. If you want fulfilling friendships, you have to invest time and energy into them.
Make an effort to keep in touch, schedule quality time together, and show your friends you care. Don't just reach out when you need something. Be willing to compromise and accommodate their needs too.
Plan Outings and Activities
Instead of vague plans to "catch up soon," propose specific activities you can enjoy together like trying a new restaurant, taking a pottery class, going on a hike, etc. Having something fun planned makes it easier to commit time.
Follow Through on Commitments
If you say you'll do something with a friend, follow through. Don't flake out on plans unless it's an emergency. Follow through shows them you're reliable and value your friendship.
Initiate Contact Regularly
Don't rely on your friends to always initiate contact. Proactively reach out yourself through texting, calling, social media, or making date plans. Fostering a friendship is a two-way street.
Friendships Go Through Ups and Downs
Every friendship will experience some ups and downs. You might argue over differences or go through periods of less contact when life gets busy. Don't panic if you hit a rough patch.
Communicate openly when issues arise. Talk about ways to strengthen your bond. The effort you put in during the downs will make the ups that much sweeter.
Allow Friends to Change
As we grow and evolve, so do our friends. Their goals, priorities, beliefs, and interests may change. Allow your friends room to change without judgement. Focus on shared values and quality time together.
Forgive Mistakes
Friends sometimes make mistakes, say thoughtless things, forget important dates, or let you down. Decide which slip-ups you can forgive and move past. Let the little things go to preserve the friendship.
Take a Break If Needed
If tensions run high or you need space, it's okay to take a break. Sometimes time and distance provides perspective. Make it clear you still value the friendship and want to reconnect later.
Healthy Friendships Should Uplift You
The best friends motivate you, inspire you to grow, make you feel good about yourself, and bring more happiness than stress. Don't stay in friendships that drain you or harm your self-esteem.
Evaluate whether certain friends are positive or negative influences. Invest more time in friendships that uplift you. Limit contact with toxic friends or cut them off if necessary.
Set Boundaries
It's okay to set boundaries with friends to protect your time, energy, and emotional health. You decide what treatment you will accept from others. Clearly communicate your boundaries.
Speak Up About Issues
Don't suppress grievances until resentment builds. Voice concerns calmly and respectfully as soon as issues arise so you can work through problems.
Make Time for Your Needs
While being a good friend means compromise, don't compromise your own self-care, values, or goals. Take time when needed to recharge and stay true to yourself.
Let Go of One-Sided Friendships
Are you putting in all the effort while your friend makes no attempt to maintain the friendship? This one-sided dynamic will breed hurt and resentment. Have an open discussion about your concerns.
If the imbalance persists with no reciprocity, you may have to distance yourself from the friendship. Surround yourself with caring friends who put in equal effort.
Assess the Give and Take
Who makes most of the plans? Who initiates contact the most? Who shares feelings and provides support? Does it flow both ways? Take note if it's one-sided.
Communicate Your Needs
Politely discuss how you feel about the imbalanced dynamic. Perhaps your friend doesn't realize. Suggest ways you would both like the friendship to change.
Step Back if Needed
If your needs still aren't met after communicating them, step back from initiating contact yourself. If your friend makes no effort to rebalance things, it may be time to move on.
Let Childhood Friendships Fade
As you mature and change, you will likely outgrow some childhood friendships. Your lives may diverge onto completely different paths. This can stir up nostalgia and guilt.
But it's normal for childhood friendships to fade.mourn the loss, but look ahead at new friendships aligning better with who you are now. The positive memories remain even if you don't stay in touch.
Reflect on Shared History
Take time to reflect on the meaningful memories and positive impacts you shared. Your lives were intertwined during that phase, even if you no longer relate.
Focus on the Present
While the past has value, stay focused on present relationships that enrich your life now. Don't let nostalgia or obligation keep friendships going that have run their course.
Embrace New Chapter
Opening yourself up to new friendships aligned with your current life allows for authentic connection and growth. Embrace this next chapter while cherishing the last.
Friendship Breakups are Difficult
Losing a friend can be just as painful as a romantic breakup, especially if it's for a hurtful reason. Allow yourself to fully process the grief over the friendship loss.
Reflect on any lessons to learn, but don't beat yourself up. With time, the sting will ease. Focus on self-care and turning to supportive loved ones. You will get through this.
Process Your Emotions
Feel your feelings - hurt, anger, sadness, guilt - then release them. Bottling up emotions will only prolong the pain. Process them in a constructive way through journaling, therapy or conversations.
Learn Any Lessons
Once you've gained perspective, assess if there are any lessons to take away that could help you make better choices in future friendships. Then let it go.
Move Forward Positively
Instead of staying stuck in the past, shift your outlook to the future. Nurture new connections with friends who uplift you. Focus on personal growth. The clouds will eventually clear.
FAQs
How do you know when a friendship has run its course?
Signs a friendship may have run its course include no longer enjoying time together, frequent arguments, imbalanced efforts, avoidance, and having little in common. If your interactions leave you stressed and unhappy more than fulfilled, it may be time to let the friendship fade.
Is it normal for friends to grow apart in adulthood?
Yes, it's very normal for some friendships to grow apart in adulthood as priorities and lifestyles change. This doesn't negate the meaning the friendship once held. Accept this evolution as a natural part of life.
Should you stay friends with an ex?
It depends on the situation. If the breakup was amicable and you share a strong platonic bond, friendship can work. But if emotions are raw or you want different things, distance may be healthiest for both of you.
How do you make new friends as an adult?
Ways to make new friends as an adult include joining clubs, taking classes, using apps like Bumble BFF, volunteering, chatting up acquaintances, getting set up by current friends, and attending meetups related to your interests.
Is it better to have a few close friends or many acquaintances?
Quality is usually better than quantity when it comes to friends. Just 1-3 very close, supportive friends who deeply enrich your life can be better than many superficial acquaintances. Find the right balance for your social needs.
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new treatment regimen.
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