Understanding and Improving Negative Body Language in Relationships

Understanding Negative Body Language

Body language refers to the nonverbal signals we use to communicate our feelings and intentions. From facial expressions to gestures, posture, and more, body language reveals important information about what someone is thinking and feeling.

While positive body language can facilitate communication and connection, negative body language can reveal discomfort, disinterest, disagreement, and other unwanted states. Recognizing negative body language is an important skill for improving relationships and social interactions.

Common Types of Negative Body Language

Here are some of the most common types of negative body language people display:

• Crossed arms - Crossing arms across the chest is a classic gesture signaling disagreement, defensiveness, or discomfort.
• Fidgeting - Fidgeting gestures like foot tapping, nail biting, and fiddling with items signal anxiety, impatience, or boredom.
• Slouching posture - Slumped shoulders and head looking down can indicate sadness, low confidence, boredom, or exhaustion.
• Lack of eye contact - Failing to make eye contact can signal disinterest, distraction, secrecy, or discomfort with connection.
• Furrowed brow - A furrowed or wrinkled brow communicates confusion, frustration, or anger.
• Eye rolling - Eye rolling typically conveys scorn, dismissal, frustration, or judgment of others.
• Clenched fists - Clenched fists often communicate tension, anger, or frustration.
• Pointing fingers - Pointing fingers in an accusatory manner expresses blame, aggression, and confrontation.

Causes of Negative Body Language

There are many potential root causes of negative body language, including:

• Discomfort - Situations causing nervousness, fear, shame, or vulnerability may trigger negative body language.
• Anger - Feelings of irritation, offense, injustice, or criticism can manifest in body language like fist clenching or glaring.
• Sadness - Negative emotions like grief and despair are associated with body language like slouching and lack of eye contact.
• Disagreement - People often convey disagreement, objections, and protests via body language like crossed arms, tapping feet, or grimacing.
• Impatience - Body language like watch checking, toe tapping, and neck craning displays impatience.
• Lack of interest - Postures signaling boredom or lack of engagement include slouching, yawning, checking phones, and doodling.
• Deception - Liars sometimes have body language hinting at secrecy, like hidden hands or lack of eye contact.

Interpreting Body Language in Context

It's important to interpret body language signals in their situational context. For example, crossed arms may signal disagreement in a heated debate but could also indicate chilled temperature in a cold room.

Likewise, lack of eye contact can show deception for some but may reflect cultural norms or social anxiety for others. Be careful not to assume specifics based on body language alone.

Improving Your Own Negative Body Language

If you notice your own negative body language, there are steps you can take to consciously improve it:

• Become aware - Pay attention to your current body language and think about the nonverbal signals you are sending.
• Check your emotions - Consider if disappointment, irritability, nervousness, or other feelings are negatively impacting your body language.
• Adjust posture - Straighten your spine, open your stance, relax your muscles, and adjust any tense positions.
• Make eye contact - When appropriate, practice meeting others eyes to signal engagement and interest.
• Uncross arms - Let your arms relax at your sides rather than staying crossed, which can feel closed off.
• Stop fidgeting - Consciously stop any anxious movements like foot tapping and instead channel energy into positive expressions.

With mindful attention and small shifts, you can fine-tune your body language from negative to neutral or positive.

How Negative Body Language Impacts Relationships

Body language plays a central role in human relationships and social dynamics. The way we nonverbally communicate and interpret others' signals substantially impacts our bonds and interactions with people.

Unfortunately, chronic negative body language can cause relationships to deteriorate over time. Here’s how.

Erodes Trust

When people encounter consistent negative body language like crossed arms, lack of eye contact, or backing away when they approach, it inhibits feelings of trust and security. It triggers questions like:

• Are they shutting me out?
• Do they dislike talking with me?
• Are they being genuine?

Without positive body language to counterbalance it, negative signals erode trust in relationships.

Closes Off Communication

When people angle their bodies away, avoid gaze, cross arms, or otherwise physically close themselves off, it shuts down communication. Negative body language serves as a barrier, blocking open, smooth information exchange.

Additionally, glaring, pointing fingers, rolling eyes and other antagonistic gestures derail productive dialogue by putting people on the defensive.

Creates Tension

Chronic negative body language also generates emotional tension in relationships. Signals like furrowed brows, clenched fists, or irritated tapping feel hostile, aggressive, and prime the situation for conflict.

This ongoing tension prevents people from relaxing, feeling heard, or connecting on a deeper level during interactions.

Lowers Self-Esteem

Being on the receiving end of constant negative body language takes a toll on people’s confidence and self-image. Signals like yawning, eye rolling, or peeking at phones/watches conveys boredom, scorn, disrespect, and makes people feel unimportant.

It brings up hurtful questions like “Do they even want to talk to me?” and “Do I bore them?” Lowered self-esteem from negative reactions in turn reduces the quality of communication and connection moving forward.

Strategies for Coping with Other People's Negative Body Language

While we cannot control other people’s body language, we can control how we choose to interpret and respond to their signals. Here are some healthy coping strategies:

Check Your Assumptions

Remember that negative body language has various possible causes from situational discomfort, to cultural norms, to underlying disorders. Do not assume you know exactly why someone displays poor body language.

Avoid Taking It Personally

Try not to internalize others’ negative body language by thinking it’s about you personally. Their signals may be tied to unrelated thoughts or feelings inside them.

Offer Empathy

Instead of reacting with anger or hurt to their negative signals, offer compassion. Consider that anxiety, sadness, preoccupation, or other troubles may be driving their body language.

Use Positive Body Language Yourself

Counterbalance negativity by making eye contact, facing the person, uncrossing your arms, leaning in, and smiling. This builds trust and rapport.

Verbally Communicate

If ongoing negative body language impedes your relationship, politely address it through verbal communication. For example, “You seem very tense and distracted today. Is everything ok?” This constructive dialogue is better than blaming.

By avoiding assumptions, reacting positively, and opening dialogue, you can mitigate the interpersonal damage caused by other people’s negative body language.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new treatment regimen.