Coping with Longing When Someone You Love Is Far Away

Dealing with Longing When Someone You Love Is Far Away

It's only natural to miss the people we love when we're separated from them. While absence can make the heart grow fonder, longing for someone special can also be emotionally painful at times.

Whether it's missing a romantic partner, friend, or family member, feelings of yearning and separation anxiety are common when a loved one is far away. However, there are ways to cope and ease the feelings of longing.

Why We Long for Those We Love

Longing for someone draws on powerful emotions and psychological needs. Some key reasons we long for those we care about include:

• Attachment - We form emotional bonds and attachments to those close to us. Being separated disrupts this attachment, triggering longing to restore it.
• Intimacy - We crave physical and emotional intimacy with those we love. Distance prevents this intimacy, causing us to long for its return.
• Fear - We may fear losing touch or growing apart from someone. This evokes longing as a way to hold onto the relationship.
• Grief - If unable to see someone important for a long time, such as a deceased loved one, it can spur grief and yearning.

Additionally, psychology plays a role. Our brains perceive love and belonging as primal needs. So when separated, we instinctively long to fulfill those unmet needs.

Signs of Longing for Someone

Missing someone special tends to stir up intense emotions. Some common signs of longing include:

• Sadness or depression
• Crying spells
• Feeling emotionally empty or numb
• Anxiety or nervousness
• Irritability or frustration
• Trouble sleeping
• Loss of interest in activities
• Fatigue or lack of energy
• Trouble concentrating

You may also long for the person's presence with symptoms like:

• Frequently thinking about them
• Dreaming about them
• Looking at old photos or videos
• Wanting to call, text, or email them
• Talking about missing them
• Visiting places that remind you of them

Coping with Longing in Relationships

Missing your significant other can be one of the hardest forms of longing. Here are some tips for coping when distance separates you and your partner:

Communicate Regularly

Set aside dedicated time for phone calls, video chats, texting, or writing letters. Hearing your partner's voice and seeing their face can ease separation anxiety.

Share Your Feelings

Don't bottle up how much you miss each other. Expressing emotions openly strengthens intimacy and attachment.

Do Virtual Activities

Watch movies, play games, cook a meal together, or read the same book. Virtual interaction creates a sense of sharing experiences.

Make Reunion Plans

Have something to look forward to, like planning a vacation or weekend getaway together when reunited. This gives a positive outlet for longing.

Exchange Care Packages

Mail each other gifts like photos, homemade treats, sentimental objects, or favorite things. Physical reminders maintain connection.

Focus on the Present

Rather than dwelling on the distance, try to enjoy the relationship as it is right now. Appreciate your time together in the present.

Dealing with Separation from Friends

It's natural to miss friends deeply when they move, transfer schools, study abroad, or deploy with the military. Tips for coping with long distance friendship include:

Schedule Regular Check-Ins

Stay up to date through text, social media, video calls, or other communication. Make it a habit to connect frequently.

Plan Future Activities

Have fun things to look forward to together, whether a vacation, concert, group trip, or visit. This gives you events to bond over.

Share Memories

Reminisce over good times you've had together. Looking back on meaningful memories can help you feel connected.

Coordinate Care Packages

Exchange little gifts and personalized packages. Thoughtful surprises let your friend know you miss them.

Bond with Other Friends

Spend time strengthening bonds with your mutual friend group. Focus on the relationships around you now.

Coping with Longing for Family

Being far from family like parents, siblings, grandparents or other relatives can stir up longing. Ways to manage include:

Schedule Video Calls

Make regular video chat dates to talk face to face. Seeing loved ones helps ease separation.

Share Photos

Exchange family photos or videos to feel involved in each other's daily lives.

Plan Trips Home

Having visits and holidays to look forward to gives you quality time to yearn for.

Cook Favorite Meals

Prepare recipes that remind you of family traditions. Comfort food evokes nostalgia.

Display Special Gifts

Keep sentimental objects like childhood mementos, homemade crafts, or family heirlooms visible. Cherished gifts provide comfort.

When Longing Becomes Unhealthy

It's normal to miss loved ones, but constant, intense longing can become problematic. Signs that yearning is unhealthy include:

• Longing that persists for months
• Inability to function normally
• Withdrawing socially
• Depression or excessive anxiety
• Trouble performing daily tasks
• Obsessive fixation on the person
• Compulsive calling, texting, or contacting them

If longing starts significantly impacting your emotional health and daily life, seek support. A therapist can help develop skills to better manage separation anxiety.

When to Seek Help for Longing

Consider therapy or counseling if longing for someone results in:

• Constant tearfulness and despair
• Trouble getting out of bed
• Loss of interest in normal activities
• Inability to concentrate at work or school
• Withdrawing from family and friends
• Feeling like you can't cope or go on
• Thoughts of harming yourself

Left untreated, severe separation anxiety can lead to depression. A mental health professional can provide support to manage emotions in a healthy way.

Therapy for Separation Anxiety and Longing

A number of therapeutic approaches may help ease painful feelings of longing, including:

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

CBT focuses on changing negative thought patterns like "I can't go on without them." This helps develop healthier coping attitudes.

Attachment-Based Therapy

This approach helps identify and address unhealthy attachment patterns driving longing. Excessive fear of abandonment is often a factor.

Mindfulness Practices

Meditation, deep breathing, yoga, and other mindfulness techniques can relieve anxiety and emotional distress from missing someone.

Emotion Regulation Skills

A therapist can teach strategies to better manage difficult emotions like grief, fear, or loneliness that fuel longing.

Distress Tolerance Techniques

Learning to calmly endure emotions rather than avoid pain from missing someone is another useful skill.

Therapy provides a healthy outlet for discussing longing. It can also equip you with tools to handle painful feelings in moderation.

Tips for Coping with Longing

In addition to therapy, there are many self-care habits that can ease difficult emotions when missing someone important to you:

Express Your Feelings

Keep a journal, write letters or poetry, create art, or find other creative outlets for longing. Expressing emotions provides release.

Practice Gratitude

Focus on things you appreciate about the person and your relationship with them. Feelings of thankfulness can comfort and uplift.

Distract Yourself

Read a book, watch a movie, take up a hobby, or hang out with other friends. Healthy distractions prevent obsessive thoughts about missing someone.

Exercise and Move

Physical activity and movement boost serotonin and dopamine to lift your mood when longing strikes.

Comfort Yourself

Do relaxing self-care like taking a hot bath, soothing music, or sipping tea. Replicate the soothing sensations the person provides.

Cherish Memories

Reflect on happy memories together instead of just focusing on the current separation. Fond memories provide comfort.

Accept the Emotion

Remind yourself that longing is a normal reaction to missing someone. Don't fight it - acceptance helps diffuse the intensity.

When to Let Go of Longing

With time and support, healthy coping comes easier. But in some cases, it may be necessary to intentionally let go of longing for your own well-being. This includes situations where:

• The relationship was toxic or abusive
• Your attachment is obsessive or codependent
• The person does not reciprocate your feelings
• They have passed away or are gone indefinitely
• The longing causes impairment in daily life

Letting go of longing doesn't mean cutting the person out of your life. It simply means striving to create healthy attachment and cope in moderation for your own emotional wellness.

Steps for Letting Go of Unhealthy Longing

If longing becomes too painful or disruptive, there are steps you can take to loosen the grip of separation anxiety:

Seek Therapy and Support

Work with a counselor to address thought patterns driving obsessive attachment. Group support provides reassurance you're not alone.

Practice Mindfulness

Meditation, deep breathing, and grounding techniques help manage painful emotions skillfully with compassion.

Develop Self-Worth

Boost self-esteem through supportive friendships, pursuing interests, acts of service, or setting goals. Inner strength eases co-dependence.

Limit Contact

Taking a break from regular communication can help reset unhealthy attachment patterns fueling constant longing.

Refocus Your Energy

Immerse yourself in hobbies, work, exercise, travel or socializing instead of dwelling on the person.

Accept Reality

Getting to a place of acceptance about why the person is absent and the need to carry on without them brings peace.

Healthy Ways to Express Longing

With mindful coping strategies, it's possible to experience longing without being overwhelmed by it. Some healthy ways to convey missing a loved one include:

• Talking or writing about your feelings occasionally
• Creating artwork, scrapbooks, playlists, or crafts celebrating the person
• Looking at reminders like pictures together mindfully
• Reminiscing fondly about positive memories with them
• Planning for future shared experiences to savor together
• Performing thoughtful gestures like sending cards to let them know theyre missed

The goal is to honor the underlying love and attachment - not resist it. With balance, longing can even enrich a relationship.

Learning to Live with Longing

It's unlikely well ever stop longing for the people we deeply care about. Love involves vulnerability and the pain of absence. But longing also affirms how meaningful the relationship is.

Rather than fighting it, embracing longing mindfully can strengthen our capacity for closeness, empathy, gratitude, and meaning. With healthy coping strategies, we can learn to live with longing when needed, trusting our connection endures across any distance.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new treatment regimen.