Codependency and Alcoholism - How to Break the Unhealthy Cycle

Understanding Codependency in Relationships with Alcoholics

Codependency is a pattern of behavior that develops in response to being in a relationship with someone who is struggling with an addiction, such as alcoholism. The term refers to when a non-addicted partner becomes preoccupied with controlling or covering up for the addicted individual.

Codependents may take on the role of enabler, protector, caretaker or victim in the dysfunctional dynamic. Read on to learn more about the signs, causes and solutions for codependency that often accompanies alcoholism.

What is Codependency?

Codependency does not refer to a specific diagnosis or mental health condition. Rather, it describes a set of maladaptive behaviors that emerge in relationships with an alcoholic or addict.

These behaviors are aimed at gaining some sense of control and stability when faced with a partners unpredictable addiction. The codependent centers their thoughts, emotions and actions around the addict and their problems.

This obsession leads to neglect of the codependent's own needs and loss of a separate identity. Their self-worth becomes contingent on fixing the alcoholic and managing the crisis created by addiction.

Signs of a Codependent Personality

There is no single profile, but some common codependent behaviors include:

• Taking responsibility for the alcoholics choices and consequences
• Making excuses for their drinking and neglecting other responsibilities
• Trying unsuccessfully to control their alcohol intake
• Assuming blame for the addicts moods and behaviors
• Minimizing or denying their own feelings and needs
• Having difficulty making decisions without reassurance
• Feeling anxious when detached or unable to caretake
• Lying to conceal problems caused by the addiction

What Causes Codependency?

Various factors are believed to contribute to development of codependent traits:

• Childhood Issues: Growing up with neglect, abuse or family addiction can impair sense of self-worth and models unhealthy relationships.
• Low Self-Esteem: Those with poor self-image are more likely to abandon personal needs and suppress emotions.
• Desire to Control: The inability to control the alcoholic's addiction leads some partners to become preoccupied with caretaking.
• Unmet Needs: Some codependents are drawn to addicts to fill a void of intimacy, security, purpose or self-value.
• Gender Expectations: Women face greater social pressure to preserve relationships at any cost.

Impact on the Codependent

The chronic stress of living with an alcoholic can seriously impact the codependent partner's mental and physical health. Potential consequences include:

• Anxiety, depression, trauma symptoms
• Exhaustion, sleep disorders, digestive upset
• Emotional numbness, sense of hopelessness
• Neglect of self-care, health or hygiene
• Erosion of self-esteem and personal identity
• Social isolation and unfulfilling relationships
• Inability to recognize or express needs
• Financial, legal or work problems

Impact on the Alcoholic

Despite the codependent's intentions, their enabling behavior can be counterproductive for the addicted partner. Potential consequences include:

• Avoiding responsibility and accountability
• Justifying and continuing addictive patterns
• Blaming others for problems caused by drinking
• Increasing risky behavior and substance abuse
• Ongoing dependence without motivation to change
• Resistance and resentment toward loved ones

The addict is unable to recognize their illness, seek treatment or achieve sobriety when shielded from the realities of their choices.

Breaking the Cycle of Codependency

If codependent patterns go unaddressed in these relationships, all parties suffer consequences. But with courage and support, the codependency cycle can be broken using these methods:

1. Self-Care and Setting Boundaries

The codependent must prioritize looking after their own needs again. Self-care, asserting boundaries and detachment from the alcoholic's choices are essential.

This includes pursuing individual interests, friendships and hobbies; maintaining health through proper rest, diet and exercise; saying no to requests for enabling; and allowing natural consequences of drinking.

2. Therapy and Support Groups

Connecting with others struggling with codependency helps reduce feelings of isolation. Support groups provide perspective that the situation is not unique.

Individual and group counseling offers coping strategies for codependency while also rebuilding self-esteem and confidence. Therapy provides a judgement-free space to process the emotional impact.

3. Addressing Unmet Needs

Exploring any voids or insecurities that contribute to codependency allows for healthier fulfillment. This may involve making new friends, taking a class, traveling, volunteering or joining a club.

Building a sense of purpose and joy outside one's partner lays the foundation for less reliance on relationships for self-worth.

4. Encouraging Treatment for Addiction

The codependent can best support recovery by offering empathy, yet refusing to enable. Gently bringing up observed consequences, expressing care and suggesting professional treatment may motivate change.

Let the alcoholic take responsibility for their health choices. Detachment sends the message that drinking has created an unsustainable situation for the relationship.

5. Couples Counseling

Joint counseling once the alcoholic has achieved sobriety can unravel the deep-seated dynamics. It provides tools for building honest communication, vulnerability and renewed intimacy.

This allows both partners to be heard and understood. They can grieve the past and establish hope for a healthier bond going forward.

Codependency Recovery is Possible

Despite the challenges, codependency can be overcome when the enabling behaviors are acknowledged and replaced with self-care and personal growth.

The codependent must summon the courage to let go and let be, recognizing they cannot control their partner's addiction. With time and treatment, both individuals can rediscover their autonomous selves.

Breaking the cycle of codependency is painful initially, but necessary for the relationship to evolve beyond the dysfunction. By refusing to shelter the alcoholic from consequences, true healing can finally begin.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new treatment regimen.