What Not to Say to a Menopausal Woman: Supportive Alternatives

Understanding What Not to Say to a Menopausal Woman

Menopause is a natural transition that all women go through, usually between the ages of 45 and 55. It marks the end of a woman's menstrual cycles and fertility. While a normal part of aging, menopause can come with unpleasant symptoms like hot flashes, night sweats, trouble sleeping, and mood changes.

During this transitional time, a woman often appreciates empathy and support from those around her. However, certain comments from friends, family members, or even physicians can minimize her experience. Here's some insight into what not to say to a menopausal woman.

Avoid Making Light of Her Experience

"It's just hormones!" or "Welcome to the club" types of comments, even when well-meaning, tend to trivialize or poke fun at what she is going through. Menopause symptoms can disrupt sleep, work, relationships and more. Making light of that stirs up frustration rather than helpfulness.

Don't Talk Over Her With Advice

Suggestions for supplements, lifestyle changes, etc. are usually better received after she has had a chance to vent and feels heard. Being told to "take black cohosh!" or "try meditating!" right out the gate makes her feel like her feelings don't matter.

Avoid Assumptions and Stereotypes

There are still many outdated assumptions about menopausal women being irrational, unstable, or that things like hot flashes aren't that inconvenient. Framing menopause this way leads her to feel dismissed. Comments about women "losing their minds" or assuming hot flashes are mild annoyances tend to frustrate more than help.

What to Say (and Not to Say) About Specific Menopausal Symptoms

Many well-meaning people still tend to make insensitive or obtuse remarks about the unpleasant symptoms associated with menopause. Here is some guidance around those hot button issues:

Hot Flashes

Don't say: "I wish I could lose weight that fast!" or "Just open a window!"

Do say: "Hot flashes seem really disruptive and uncomfortable. I'm here if you need to vent about them."

Flippant remarks that try to make light of hot flashes and night sweats only further upset and isolate a woman who is likely already having trouble sleeping and feeling irritated.

Vaginal Dryness & Painful Sex

Don't say: "Maybe if you just tried harder, he wouldn't leave you."

Do say: "There are medical treatments that could help make intimacy more comfortable. Have you talked to your doctor?"

Painful sex due to vaginal atrophy is common but still taboo for many going through menopause. Insensitive remarks blame the woman, rather than offering helpful solutions she may not be aware of.

Weight Gain

Don't say: "Maybe you should go on a diet, menopause isn't an excuse to let yourself go."

Do say: "What kinds of support can I provide around the changes your body is going through?"

Hormonal factors actually make it very difficult to lose weight during perimenopause and menopause. Judgmental comments that fat-shame a woman provide zero support and only lead to more frustration.

Memory Lapses

Don't say: "I guess your brain doesn't work anymore, maybe stop being so scatterbrained."

Do say: "I've noticed you seem more frustrated trying to recall things these days. I'm here to listen if you want to talk strategies."

Memory issues are not imagined, but instead due to measurable hormonal shifts in the brain. Belittling comments undermine confidence exactly when supportive listening is most helpful.

Irritability & Mood Changes

Don't say: "No wonder your husband doesn't want to be around your crazy mood swings."

Do say: "Your irritation seems really heightened lately, could hormonal changes be contributing? I'm here when you need to talk it out."

Mood changes with menopause are common but temporary. Insensitive blame only amplifies her distress rather than reassuring that she has support through this transition.

Alternatives to Insensitive Menopause Comments

When a woman shares she is going through menopause, there are many supportive and caring responses. Here are examples of what to say instead when she opens up about her experience:

Validate Her Feelings

"It makes complete sense you feel irritated given the lack of sleep and night sweats."

"I can't even imagine how frustrating and stressful this must be."

"You have every right to feel fed up and want to vent."

Offer General Support

"How can I be helpful as you go through this transition?"

"I'm available any time you just need someone to listen about what this is like."

"I know I can't truly understand what youre going through, but Im here for whatever I can do to help you feel supported."

Suggest Helpful Coping Strategies (When Receptive)

"Have you looked into cognitive behavioral approaches to address mood changes?"

"Maybe an electric fan or cooling pillow could provide some relief for night sweats?"

"I've heard good things about yoga and meditation for hot flashes, might be worth exploring."

The key is offering supportive remarks, validation and coping suggestions only once she feels heard and understood. That receptivity makes a big difference in how helpful any menopause advice may be received.

When to Seek Professional Help

Most women transition through menopause without needing medical treatment beyond some symptom management. However, it is important to be aware of signs that professional support may be indicated for more severe menopause struggles.

Encourage her to talk to her doctor if she experiences:

• Depression that persists 2 weeks or more
• Mood swings that disrupt relationships or work
• Vaginal pain that interferes with sex
• Sleep problems most nights
• Hot flashes consistently hourly throughout the day

While insensitive remarks tend to minimize symptoms, downplaying signs that medical help is warranted has risks as well. Support and understanding paired with awareness of when to seek treatment leads to the best menopause outcomes.

The Bottom Line

Menopause marks the end of fertility for women, typically in their late 40s or early 50s. The hormonal changes often bring unpleasant symptoms ranging from hot flashes to pain with intimacy. Providing caring support through this transition means avoiding insensitive remarks or judgment.

What not to say to a menopausal woman includes downplaying her experience, offering simplistic advice with no empathy, making assumptions or exaggerating stereotypes. Supportive listening paired with validating responses provides the understanding every woman deserves during this complex life phase.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new treatment regimen.