Why You Should Avoid Long-Term Relationships With Broke Partners

The Drawbacks of Dating Someone Who's Broke

We've all heard the saying "money can't buy happiness." While there's truth to that, entering a relationship with someone who's perpetually broke can lead to a lot of problems down the road. Let's explore the reasons why dating a broke person may not be the best choice for your long-term happiness.

Financial Incompatibility Causes Frequent Fights

Finances are one of the top reasons couples argue. If you're financially stable but your partner is always scrambling to pay bills, it will inevitably cause conflict. You may find yourself constantly loaning them money or paying for things they can't afford. This breeds resentment on both sides - you feel taken advantage of while they feel ashamed and inadequate.

Money issues are cited as the number one predictor of divorce. Being with someone who lives beyond their means or doesn't budget properly sets the stage for ongoing clashes. Over time, these clashes erode the goodwill between you until all you're left with is bitterness and frustration.

Different Lifestyle Expectations

Dating someone broke often means they can't afford to do the same activities you enjoy. You may have to give up concerts, nice dinners out, vacations, and other activities that enrich your life. This can leave you feeling unfulfilled and your partner excluded.

For example, if you've budgeted for an annual couples vacation but your partner can never afford to contribute their half, you're left with three options: take on the full financial burden yourself, give up your trip, or go without them. None of these are great for the relationship.

Over time, these differences in lifestyle expectations often lead to feelings of inadequacy and resentment. The broke partner may come to view the financially stable partner as elitist, privileged, or materialistic. Meanwhile, the financially stable partner may see their partner as lazy, irresponsible, or holding them back.

Long-Term Planning Becomes Difficult

Making plans for the future is hard when one partner is broke. Buying a house together, having children, saving for retirement, and other big steps often require two incomes. If one partner spends every dollar they earn just trying to get by, it impedes your ability to plan.

You may find yourself avoiding or delaying major life decisions that require financial stability. At a certain point, you'll likely start questioning whether this relationship has a real future if you can never get on the same page about money.

Enabling or Codependency Can Develop

When one partner is broke, it's easy for unhealthy dynamic to emerge. The financially stable partner may start "rescuing" the broke partner by paying their bills, letting them move in rent-free, giving them spending money, etc. This enables their irresponsible behavior and prevents them from getting their finances under control.

Alternatively, the broke partner may start relying heavily on their partner for necessities like food, shelter, and transportation. This creates an unhealthy codependent relationship. They cling to the stable partner to avoid facing the consequences of their own actions.

Either scenario breeds resentment and prevents the broke partner from gaining the skills needed to stand on their own two feet financially. It's a difficult pattern to break once it sets in.

You May Attract Unhealthy or Abusive Partners

Unfortunately, some people seek out partners they perceive as wealthy or stable specifically to exploit them. The risk of attracting a narcissistic, controlling or abusive partner goes up significantly when you stay with someone who is financially unstable.

Because their financial standing makes it difficult to leave, broke partners are more likely to tolerate mistreatment or toxic behavior. The financially stable partner may threaten to withhold money, kick them out, or cut them off if they don't comply with demands.

Partners who view relationships as transactional are a red flag. Healthy partners want an equitable relationship based on love - not a sugar daddy/sugar baby dynamic based on money.

Impulsive Behavior Related to Money

People who are broke often have underlying issues with responsible money management. Some are chronic over-spenders who buy frivolous items the moment they have cash in hand. Their lack of budgeting and impulse control keeps them stuck in a feast or famine cycle.

Others may turn to dishonest means of obtaining funds, like opening credit cards in your name or "borrowing" from friends or employers without intent to repay. Gambling addictions are also common, as they hope to win big and solve their money woes.

These habits erode trust in the relationship. You may worry about your partner's judgment regarding finances or feel the need to monitor their spending. It's difficult to feel secure under these conditions.

Signs Your Partner's Financial Situation Is Unlikely to Improve

For some people, being broke is a temporary state due to circumstances like job loss or unexpected medical bills. But for others, it's their perpetual way of life. Here are some red flags that indicate your broke partner is unlikely to improve their financial health:

No Desire for Stable, Gainful Employment

Does your partner drift from job to job, only working when utterly desperate? Do they consider steady, gainful employment "selling out" or avoid it for other reasons? Unless they come from wealth, it's unlikely this attitude will lead to financial stability.

Employment isn't the only path, but eschewing it entirely for vague plans of launching an app or becoming an influencer is a huge red flag. So is only taking under the table or side gigs instead of traditional W-2 employment.

Spends Every Extra Dollar

Does any extra money your partner obtains get spent immediately, no matter how small the amount? Do gifts or loans from others get used for splurges instead of paying down debts or obligations? If your partner can't hang onto a few spare dollars, major financial stability will remain out of reach.

Significant improvement requires the ability to budget, create savings, and delay gratification until after needs are met. Someone who blows every dollar has little concept of money management.

Frequently Makes Excuses

Does your partner always have an excuse ready for why they can't hold down a job, pay you back, or get their finances in order? Do they blame others, the economy, their upbringing, or health issues instead of taking responsibility?

While these factors contribute for some, using them as a perpetual excuse is a major red flag. It signals an unwillingness or inability to take ownership of their situation and do the difficult work needed to improve.

No Concept of Budgeting

Budgeting is a cornerstone skill required to achieve financial stability. Does your partner know where their money goes each month? Can they account for every dollar? If not, they are unlikely to tame reckless spending and debt accrual.

You can't manage money wisely without tracking income and outflow. Someone who doesn't budget has little insight into leaks that prevent them from getting ahead. Urge them to start budgeting immediately.

Frequently Hitting Rock Bottom

Does your partner perpetually live on the brink, requiring last minute bailouts to avoid eviction, repossession, or utility shutoff? Are you their safety net every time they hit rock bottom? This is a sign they are unable or unwilling to take the steps needed to create lasting stability.

Of course, occasional setbacks happen. But a pattern of always living on the edge with no room for error indicates poor money management skills or lack of motivation to change.

Lots of Excitement But Little Follow Through

Does your partner get excited about big money-making ideas but lose interest quickly when implementation becomes hard work? Do they give up easily on plans to increase income and reduce spending? This signals a lack of persistence and discipline.

Lasting change requires following through despite obstacles and missteps. Without sticking to it, excitement is meaningless. Look for real, sustained effort, not just big dreams and great ideas.

Considerations If You Choose to Continue the Relationship

Ending a relationship is always difficult. While financial incompatibility is an valid reason, you may choose to stay if other aspects outweigh it. Here are some things to keep in mind if you want to continue a relationship with someone who is broke:

Set Firm Boundaries Around Money

To avoid enabling and build an equitable partnership, you must set clear boundaries around money early on. Be transparent about what you can and can't provide. Don't take on financially supporting them fully.

Offer help developing a budget or job hunting instead. Make clear that reckless spending and debt accrual dealbreakers for you. Stick to those boundaries, even when pressured.

Keep Finances Separate

Even if married, keep your money separate if possible. Don't add them to your accounts or co-mingle funds. This protects your assets and credit score somewhat if their financial issues continue.

Keep property and major purchases separate as well. Don't take on joint car loans or mortgages until they demonstrate responsibility with finances for an extended time.

Seek Counseling if Needed

Does your partner struggle with underlying issues like addiction, trauma, depression or impulse control disorder? Professional counseling can help address the root causes driving their money troubles. If you stay, insist they pursue appropriate treatment.

Couples counseling is also beneficial. A neutral third party can help you find common ground and articulate needs productively. Don't let problems fester - get help early.

Envision a Long-Term Exit Plan

Even if committed for now, understand your partner's financial flailing may eventually cross a line. Discreetly maintain a long-term exit plan so you can leave safely if the relationship becomes unhealthy or abusive.

Keep separate accounts, don't co-mingle major assets, and be able to support yourself independently. Secure your own savings, employment, support system, and other means of leaving.

Avoiding Relationships with Broke Partners

If you're single, it's wise to avoid pursuing relationships with financially irresponsible or broke partners. Here are some tips:

Observe How They Handle Finances

Early on, pay attention to how potential partners manage their money day-to-day. Notice if they live beyond their means, fail to budget, have substantial debts, or exhibit other red flags. Don't ignore warning signs.

Discuss Money Values and Habits

Have overt conversations about finances - savings goals, spending habits, debt, retirement plans, etc. See if you're aligned on values like budgeting, moderation and financial independence. Major differences are problematic.

Take Time Getting Serious

Don't rush to commit to someone who exhibits signs of financial instability. Live together first and observe money habits up close before making legal or financial entanglements. Time allows assessment.

Listen to Concerns of Loved Ones

If friends or family members gently express concern about a new partner's financial state, hear them out. They likely have insight you may be overlooking due to romantic feelings. Don't dismiss warnings.

Ultimately, a relationship has the best chance when both partners are reasonably responsible with finances. While being broke temporarily is understandable, patterns of extreme financial instability indicate a mismatch that should give you pause.

Prioritize finding someone who shares your money values. This avoids many problems and resentment down the road. A partner's financial standing reflects a lot about their character and life skills.

While love can overcome some obstacles, chronic broke patterns are difficult to ignore. Unless both partners are willing to put in effort, it usually leads to a split. Think hard before committing your time and resources to someone financially unstable.

With open communication, professional help, and clearly defined boundaries, it is possible but challenging. In many cases, it's wiser to seek someone more financially compatible. This gives the relationship a strong foundation to withstand the rigors of building a life together.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new treatment regimen.