Parkinson's Disease and Divorce - How to Strengthen Your Marriage

Understanding How Parkinson's Disease Impacts Marriage

Parkinson's disease is a chronic and progressive neurological disorder that affects movement and mobility. As symptoms worsen over time, the daily challenges of living with Parkinson's also take an emotional toll on relationships.

It's estimated that the divorce rate among people with Parkinson's disease is nearly double the rate of the general population. According to a 2019 study, approximately 13% of those with Parkinson's divorce after diagnosis compared to around 7% of adults 50 and over in the general public.

Marriages come under immense strain when one partner has Parkinson's. But hope exists - with compassion, communication, and commitment, relationships can thrive despite the hardships of the disease.

Why Parkinson's Disease Puts Stress on Marriage

Parkinson's disease impacts the chemistry and circuitry of the brain, leading to motor symptoms like tremors, rigidity, and loss of coordination. Non-motor symptoms like fatigue, anxiety, depression, and sleep disorders are common as well.

Coping with these physical and emotional challenges profoundly affects both the individual and their spouse. Here are some of the key reasons marriage is strained by Parkinson's:

Role Changes

As symptoms progress, the person with Parkinson's becomes more dependent on their spouse for caregiving and completing everyday tasks. The healthy spouse takes on more household and financial responsibilities.

These shifting roles can leave couples feeling like roommates more than romantic partners. The caregiving spouse may resent new burdens while the one with Parkinson's grieves the loss of independence.

Communication Struggles

Parkinson's physical symptoms like poor balance, rigid muscles, and diminished facial expressions make communication more difficult. Slurred speech from dysarthria may cause frustration.

Partners may avoid expressing vulnerable emotions like sadness or fear because they seem trivial compared to living with Parkinson's. But bottling up resentment breeds misunderstanding.

Changed Priorities

Parkinson's brings new priorities like doctor's appointments, therapy, and medication schedules. The spontaneous lifestyle a couple previously enjoyed gives way to rigidity revolving around the disease.

Couples lose their freedom to travel, pursue hobbies, or enjoy social outings. Caregivers may begin to prioritize medical needs over intimacy and romance.

Stress and Isolation

The daily challenges of living with Parkinson's are exhausting and isolating. Caregivers often neglect their own self-care, leading to burnout. Partners withdraw socially due to depression or embarrassment over symptoms.

Without adequate support, the relentless stress on individuals and the marriage takes an immense toll. Partners may seek escape through emotional affairs, substance abuse, or workaholism.

Intimacy Struggles

Depression, fatigue, pain, motor symptoms, and medication side effects commonly dampen libido and sexual functioning for those with Parkinson's. Intimacy declines, leaving partners disconnected.

Embarrassment over sexual difficulties often hinders open conversations. But failure to address changing intimacy needs breeds insecurity and resentment in the marriage.

How to Strengthen Marriage Despite Parkinson's Challenges

While Parkinson's certainly adds complications, couples can take proactive steps to safeguard their marriage despite the trials of the disease. Consider these tips:

Seek Counseling

Seeing a marriage counselor provides immense benefits for couples facing Parkinson's trials. Therapy is key for improving communication, overcoming resentment, and rediscovering intimacy.

Speaking openly to a neutral third party helps couples work through complex emotions and role frustrations. Counseling also prevents isolation by giving partners much-needed support.

Join a Support Group

Parkinson's support groups allow couples to connect with others experiencing the same struggles. They can exchange practical advice and empathy that family and friends simply don't understand.

Online groups are invaluable for homebound or socially conscious couples. Sharing fears and milestones with those who've been there provides motivation to keep fighting for the marriage.

Make Time for Each Other

Setting aside regular time for enjoying each other's company is essential, even if it's just simple activities at home. Share a hobby like puzzles or cooking. Cuddle up watching favorite shows. Reminisce over wedding photos.

These "just us" moments prioritize the relationship as a couple, not just patient and caregiver. Schedule them in if needed to protect time from other demands.

Allow Each Other to Vent

The pressures of Parkinson's breed negative emotions like anger, sadness, and anxiety for both partners. Create a safe space to give voice to these feelings without judgment.

Letting resentment and fear fester harms the marriage. But airing difficult emotions in a productive way fosters understanding. Counseling helps guide healthy venting.

Get Help With Caregiving Duties

Caregiving spouses need regular breaks to refresh and nurture personal health. Enlist family, friends, or hire help so you aren't solely responsible for medical care.

Without respite, caregivers risk burnout leading to marital strain. Prioritize asking for and accepting assistance when possible. Your well-being matters too.

Stay Intimate However Possible

Sexual difficulties require adapting intimacy to continually "date your mate." Focus on cuddling, gentle massage, baths together, reading poetry, dancing in the kitchen - whatever connects you.

Staying emotionally and physically intimate fights the sense of being just roommates or patient and caregiver. Don't let embarrassment prevent creativity in showing love.

Prioritize Communication

Consistent, open communication cements the relationship despite Parkinson's pulling couples apart. Share your heart without blaming or shaming. Listen without judgment.

Check in frequently about changing needs and emotions. Small hurts or misunderstandings get resolved before festering. Vocalize appreciation for each other often.

Make Adaptations for Symptoms

Find ways to adjust activities and living space to promote safety and simplicity. Install grab bars, improve lighting, declutter, organize medication stations - reduce stress wherever possible.

Accommodating symptoms allows the person with Parkinson's to retain independence longer, improving confidence and dignity in marriage roles.

Seek Individual Fulfillment

Partners shouldn't have to sacrifice all personal dreams and pursuits. As much as possible, nurture individual interests and friendships separate from caregiving duties.

Retaining a sense of self keeps the marriage happier. Partners who blossom as individuals have much more to give to the relationship.

When Is It Time to Let Go?

Despite best efforts, some marriages sadly do reach the point where splitting up is the healthiest option. Consider divorce if your marriage shows irreparable damage in areas like:

Frequent Destructive Fights

Arguments are normal, but constant volatile fighting that gets increasingly hostile and hateful corrodes the relationship. If differences feel impossible to overcome, divorce may bring peace.

Loss of Trust

Infidelity, deception, intimidation, or emotional abuse destroy trust, the bedrock of marriage. If faith in your spouse's character is completely shattered, repair may not be possible.

Divergent Values

Partners who no longer share common values, goals, or interests often drift too far apart. Clashing views of end-of-life care or financial priorities also strain marriages.

Disinterest

When one or both partners give up on working on the marriage or just go through the motions with apathy, divorce allows both to seek fulfillment elsewhere.

Some scenarios warrant marriage counseling before divorce to ensure the relationship is truly unsalvageable. But staying together just for obligation breeds toxicity and resentment when the love is gone.

Seeking Support Through the Challenges

Parkinson's disease puts incredible strain on marriages. But with compassion, humility, professional help, and commitment to adapt to each season, many relationships can weather these storms.

The key is proactively building up your marriage before Parkinson's poses the toughest challenges. Nurture intimacy, honesty, friendship, laughter, and teamwork while you're both still healthy.

Leaning on community resources and each other's strength gives couples the endurance to go the distance, wherever the journey leads.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new treatment regimen.